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| Me and BB |
1. Having one is
SOOOOO easy.
Looking back at one child from the view of two or more,
it is easy to say that. Not long after my son was born I saw the advantages of
having one instead of two (especially one who is much more self-sufficient than her newborn baby brother). It’s much easier to get one dressed, fed, and ready
for outings. One is easier to keep track of while on an outing. One is easier
to keep entertained. There is more time to do the things I want/need to get
done during the day. But, of course, as your family grows, you tend to forget
what it was like the first time around.
When my daughter was born, I had no idea what I was doing
most of the time. Every experience was new and I had to figure out how to
handle each one in a manner that worked for our family. I read quite a few books to
try to help me through various situations – weaning, solid foods, sleep scheduling,
potty training. You name it, there are thousands of books to tell you the
“right” way to do it. And there are plenty of conflicting ideas, as Ava Neyer
pointed out.
All of the helpful advice can be overwhelming and make
you feel like you’re doing it wrong and you’re going to screw up your child and
you are so not cut out for this and on and on and on. Sometimes you end up
trying it all only to find that your child does not fit any of the molds.
Sometimes you will do something you swore you’d never do or that many people
say is bad for the baby but it works and is saving your sanity so you go with
it.
As a first time parent, EVERYTHING is a big deal. It is
super important for the baby to follow the schedule to a T every single day. I
know that once you find something that works, you try to hold onto it for as
long as possible, which doesn’t tend to be that long as babies are always
changing things up, especially that first year. By the time you get a good
three nap schedule down, they decide to drop one. When you are finally figuring
out a good time for errands, the baby will get sick and keep you home for a few
days (or a week). It’s one giant guessing game.
It is so tough being a first-time parent. Experience
makes the second time around A LOT better. I still am not getting everything “right” but
I know (from experience) that everything is a stage that WILL pass and that
really helps get me through. And, of course, I’m still continuing to experience
plenty of firsts with our oldest child.
2. So, when are
you having another one?
As my journey into relationships with other mothers has
progressed, I have learned that there are a lot of reasons families have one
child. The simplest reason is that it is what the couple has decided completes
their family. But, many times, this is not the case. I have quite a few women
in my circle who have had issues with pregnancy. For some, their first child
was a miracle. They would love to have more, but they didn’t even think they
could have one. Some are in the process of trying to get pregnant a second
time, but have had months, or years, of disappointment. Some women have dealt
with the sorrow of one or several miscarriages before and/or after their first
child. Other women had such a rough first pregnancy and/or delivery that they
don’t want to risk having the same, or a worse, experience.
Most of these are issues no one wants to discuss with
strangers or even well-meaning friends. The question may hit a sore spot
without you ever knowing. I know of one instance when I asked that question to
someone who had just suffered their second miscarriage (I didn’t know that
until later). Since then, I have chosen to refrain from asking this question. I
would caution you to also think hard before using this question as a casual
conversation topic.
Do you have any additional suggestions on what not to say
to a mom of one? Do you remember inappropriate or insensitive things told to
you with your first or only child?
