Made Well: Healthy and Healing are Not Synonymous

  I had the privilege of receiving an advanced copy of Made Well: Finding Wholeness in the Everyday Sacred Moments by Jenny Simmons. I tore through it in less than a week. I loved it so much. It spoke specifically to me about various experiences in my life now and in the past. I would highly recommend it to anyone who has suffered a loss or walked through a difficult path. Jenny is so honest in sharing parts of her story and does an excellent job of sharing the stories of loss others have entrusted her with. I am not sure how else to convey the pearls of wisdom and truth gleaned in these pages other than to share some quotes from the text that resonated deeply with me. If they strike a chord with you as well, I would recommend picking up a copy for yourself. It is officially available October 4! If you pre-order before it's release, there are some freebies to be had as well.

Healing happens all the time, even if a cure doesn't. I am invited to be made well even when the broken things don't get put perfectly back together.

  I think we all often struggle with wanting everything in this world to be made perfect by God. But he has not promised to restore us completely until we are in eternity. We must continue to trust in God's provision and his timing for our healing.

As if the physical body dying were not enough to contend with, there are other deaths in this life we must walk through as well. The death of marriages, friendships, dreams, careers, relationships, stages of life, sanity and health.

  It was actually encouraging to be reminded that we all experience a number of deaths in our lives. It is healthy for us to grieve the things we lose, but we should try not to allow our lives to be defined by them. Whenever we suffer a loss, God is there with us providing comfort and offering to bring healing however he deems best.

When confession and relinquishing control become daily habits, it becomes easier to live free. Each day we are learning to live under the grace of being sparkly clean.

  I am in the process of learning to relinquish control in various areas of my life. It is not easy and I will sometimes try to reestablish control multiple times, even though I know deep down that God needs to be in control. Giving things over to him and allowing him to be responsible does give me the freedom to walk in faith and trust.

 One can belong to everything and everyone, and most of us over-belong ourselves in our quest to find home. We belong to so many people and so many things that when we sit still long enough, we recognize the gnawing feeling that we aren't deeply known by anyone.

  I have felt this way recently. In my last season I was very involved in a number of things but still felt that I didn't really have a strong community. I was expending a lot of effort but the output was not as satisfying or fulfilling as I hoped it would be. I was still in want of a real community where I belonged and was known.

Belonging to all the things keeps us from truly belonging. I am endeavoring to live a life that does not come at the cost of frenzied fury. More often than not this is accomplished through intentional un-belonging. Un-belonging myself to the many things I yearn to belong to in order to consciously belong to the few. 

  This is my current season of life. Over the past few months I have removed a number of obligations from my schedule. I am trying to scale down to the essentials in order to determine what is truly needed and what I might add that would bring value and meaning to my life. It has been challenging and I am continuing to struggle through this process. I am trusting God's leading through this season and look forward to being on the other side and seeing what comes from this intentionality.

When the fear of missing out, the inability to say no, or the misguided belief that you must be everyone's savior causes you to perpetually accept opportunities and friendships you don't have space for, your road will become so crowded that you will find yourself wondering how you belong to everyone but don't belong to anyone. The gnawing loneliness and exhaustion will creep in.

  This paragraph defines how I was feeling before I began the process of "un-belonging". I have major FOMO and it still pokes at me but I am slowly learning that I cannot be part of every good thing. I am human. I have limits. My time each day/week is fixed. When I say yes, I am also saying no. I need to make sure my "yesses" are for something truly worthwhile.

The Western soul has been conditioned to fix itself. Self-reliance is regarded as a premium character trait. We do not know how to open our hands well and receive the gifts of others...We have forgotten how to graciously accept gifts. How to let love be lavished upon us. In a culture where we expect everyone to earn his or her own way, we must relearn how to receive. We must fight the voice that says we don't deserve it, we haven't earned it, it might come with strings attached, or it could be a con. It's a gift! Mutter "wow" and be in awe.

  I have struggled for years with self-reliance. I have hated asking for help with things. I dislike feeling like I owe something (even if it's construed as a gift I still sometimes feel this way). I have been learning that refusing gifts and refusing to ask for help keeps me from being in community with others. In accepting help and admitting my need, I am inviting others into my life to know me and for me to know them. I am learning just how important and valuable it is in receiving help (or gifts) from others.

Those are the big takeaways I received from the book. I hope the quotes encouraged and spoke to you as they did me. I would recommend checking out this book. It would make a great gift to people going through a difficult time as well.

Trauma Often Leads to Tears

  When I saw this theme for the Friday Five I didn't know what to think. Crying in general tends to make me feel uncomfortable, whether it's me doing the crying or watching someone else cry. I tend to be a fairly even-keeled person regarding emotions. At least, I'm good at keeping them from showing most of the time. I used to be more self-conscious about crying in public but I am growing in understanding and acceptance that it is okay to have emotions and to express them in healthy ways. I thought it would be interesting to think back on my past and talk about five memorable instances of crying. It was challenging. It was also a very interesting exercise of reflection on past events.

1) When my kitten was run over

  When I was in elementary school we adopted a mother cat and her four kittens. We lived on four acres so we had plenty of room for them. Some friends of my parents came over for dinner one evening. We were outside watching them leave and, apparently, one of the kittens (named Killer of all things) had climbed up onto one of the tires. It was a terrible tragedy to witness, especially since it wasn't killed by the accident and my dad had to relieve him of his pain. I distinctly remember bawling in my room that night. It was the first time I remember being emotionally affected by an animal loss.

2) When my friend was killed in a car accident

My friend and I freshman year

  The summer after my freshman year of high school, just a week or two before school started again, my friend (and across-the-street neighbor) and her friend were killed when their car hydroplaned into a concrete pillar under a bridge. I remember my mom calling me, telling me the news and saying to find my dad. I went downstairs and told him what mom had just said and then cried into his shirt. In addition to losing a friend and neighbor, I was a bit traumatized knowing that I could have been in that car (she had invited me to go with them but I had volleyball practice). It was the first time I'd lost a person close to me.

3) When I found out my first child was breech

  I was thirty-five weeks into my pregnancy and had gone for a regular check up. The doctor was checking my cervix and noted that I was beginning to dilate. She thought she could feel the head but then realized that it didn't feel like a head so she had an ultrasound performed. She then confirmed and announced to me that my baby was breech and that, if s/he didn't turn, I would have to have a c-section. I was upset because it was not at all part of my ideal birth plan. Somehow I managed to call my husband to tell him the news and then continue on to the consignment sale to look for baby items like I had planned. Later that day, when I saw Adam at home, he asked me how I was doing and then I burst into tears in his arms.

4) A few days after my first child's birth

Am I really ready for this???

  I am confident that I leaked some happy tears when I heard my children's cries for the first time. I'm sure a lot of people cry after their children are born. What I distinctly remember is being home from the hospital (either the day we came home or the next) and being so overwhelmed by emotion (and probably hormones) and bawling in my husband's arms once again. I'm sure this is common for many women. I don't remember doing this after my second child was born but there is a distinct difference between the two birth experiences.

  This crying jag occurred just over a week after the one when I found out my daughter was breech. The time period between the two events may not seem significant but it is. After learning my baby was breech my doctor set up an appointment for the following Tuesday just to check up on things. So, five days later, I was back in my doctor's office. My husband came with me for emotional support after the last appointment, which was a blessing because at this one we learned that the umbilical cord was prolapsed and we needed to get the baby out quickly. I'm pretty sure my ob looked at us and said, "You're going to have a baby today." My husband drove me straight to the hospital, ran home to grab the bags we had half-packed and came back to witness the birth of our first child at my 36th week of pregnancy.

  Everything was so unexpected and stressful. Thankfully, the surgery went fine and the baby was pretty healthy despite being a month early. I was thrust into motherhood without my usually careful planning and preparation. I was so overwhelmed by everything that, when we returned home and were alone to process everything, the stress of the experience overwhelmed me and I cried (I didn't really comprehend how traumatic my experience was until I was working on this post).

5) When I pray out loud with other people

  This has been a more recent phenomenon, partly because I used to be terrified of praying out loud.  In the past couple of months I have noticed that I cry during intercessory prayer times. I remember sitting at a friend's dining room table a few weeks ago and tears running down my face as we prayed for one another, for our church, for our children. I recently attended a prayer meeting and cried as I prayed, listened to others pray and agreed with the prayers offered on behalf of the family.

  This more recent prayer-related crying is what is helping me to become comfortable with crying in front of others. I don't want to stop praying with people and I don't anticipate this physical response ceasing. I just need to make sure there are tissues close at hand.


I hope sharing my experiences has been helpful and encouraging to you. Have you seen any patterns in what causes the physical release of crying in your life? Have you cried over similar experiences? It's always encouraging to be reminded that you're not alone in your experiences.