Things I've Learned From the Men in my Life

  When I first started thinking about this writing prompt I was a little stumped. In recent years I have surrounded myself with some amazing women. I've been in Bible studies with them, mom groups, tennis teams, authors of books I've read. I could think of a vast number of women I admire. It took a little more time for my mind to think about the men in my life and how they have impacted me. I enjoyed the challenge and what I recalled from thinking about influences in my life.

1) My father

  I initially felt that this was pretty cliche, but the longer I've lived the more I've learned that there are a lot of people who did not grow up with fathers who loved, encouraged, supported and invested in them. It seems like a given to me because that was my experience but I am not necessarily the norm. I have a lot of fond memories of my father. I remember playing in his workshop with wood, nails and hammers while he worked on his own project. The smell of sawdust transports me back to his workshop. He didn't seem to mind me being in there. He would let my friends and I work on projects in there (we attempted to make a boat for our pond but it was not even close to water-tight and turned into a dock). I remember riding on our riding lawnmower with him (and eventually being given the job of official lawn mower). I remember him cheering me on at my sporting events. He was a vocal supporter. I remember having a father-daughter date when I was visiting home from college. I asked him some personal questions that made him squirm a bit (probably fear that being flawed would remove his hero status - not true). I always felt secure in his love. My dad taught me that I am important, worthy of his time and support, and worth showing up for.

He still has this Christmas shirt I made him in elementary school!

2) My husband

  It is possibly also cliche that I find my husband worthy of admiration but I really don't care. He is a wonderful man, a hard worker, a loving husband and father. I admire his dedication to integrity at work and home. I appreciate his love, support and encouragement. I love his heart for serving and helping others. I could gush forever but I'll keep it short and sweet. Among countless other things, he has taught me that I don't have to do it all and that it's okay to ask for help.

3) My high school youth pastor

  I loved my high school youth pastor and his wife. They were so open and honest. They weren't afraid of sharing their mistakes because they were secure in God's love for them and hoped their testimony would prevent us from making the same mistakes. My affection for them probably increased because of their authenticity and vulnerability. He taught me that my mistakes do not make me ineffective for God. Redemption is available and God can still be honored and glorified through my life. I think he (and his wife) also planted the seed that has enabled me to be honest and vulnerable because of personal experience of how it encourages and can be an example for others.

4) My grandfather

  For nearly all of my remembered life (ages 3+) my family lived away from our extended family. Nearly every summer my brother and I would fly out to Oregon to visit our grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. We always had a blast spending time with everyone and enjoying the moderate climate of the pacific northwest. I have a lot of fond memories of staying at my grandparents' farm. We would catch grasshoppers to feed the chickens, pick produce, throw apples to the deer, catch cabbage moths to earn nickels, pick "puff balls" off of the oak trees, swim in the creek and shoot hoops on the side of the barn. I remember bumping around the grounds with Grandpa in his old red truck, learning square dancing basics, playing memory math games and lots of card games. My grandfather taught me that math is fun and working hard is worthwhile.

5) My friend's husband

  I haven't really spent a lot of time with the husbands of my friends but, for a while, I was part of a prayer group that was hosted at my friend's house and had a four-person core group (two of which were my friend and her husband). We all learned a lot about one another and enjoyed praying for one another, our church and whatever else was mentioned each meeting. Also, being friends for quite a few years I learned a lot about my friend's husband through my friend. I have been impressed by his obedience and faithfulness to God and his desire to honor God in all circumstances and areas of his life. His love for God and his family is evident to all. He diligently serves others with his abilities. If he can help you, he will. My friend's husband has helped teach me the power of prayer, the importance of obedience and trust in God in all circumstances, and the joy of using your gifts and abilities to serve others and glorify God.


  There are more men I could have mentioned as having influenced my life. I hope that you will think about those in your life who influence you positively and, perhaps, reach out them and let them know that you appreciate them.

Women and Leadership in the Church

I have recently been thinking a lot about women, leadership and the church. Growing up in the church I have known that there are some churches and denominations that do not condone women as preachers, pastors, deacons, elders or ministry leaders (apart from women's and children's). I hadn't really thought much about it, probably because I have not really desired to be in those particular positions. But I know there are women who do desire to preach and teach and believe that God has gifted them in this way. Why should they be prevented from serving and glorifying God in these ways simply because they are women?

I know that one of the arguments is that scriptures in the Bible prohibit women from teaching and preaching. I wonder if the scriptures are being quoted without considering the culture, context or audience for which it was written. I wonder what Jesus would think or say about these things. I wonder about the stories in the Bible where women led, prophesied, taught, ministered, hosted churches and used their gifts and resources for God's kingdom. It doesn't appear that they were kicked out of church or criticized for overstepping their ministry roles.

I have struggled with wanting to be defensive, aggressive or combative on this subject. I have struggled with saying anything about my thoughts because I haven't thoroughly researched it myself. Regardless of my level of knowledge, my spirit feels that disqualifying women from leadership because of their gender is not right. Women are just as resourceful, intelligent, wise, discerning, equipped and loved by God as men. The requirements/standards of leadership should be the same for both.

I realize in Biblical times (and still now in parts of the world) women were considered the property of men. They had no standing, power or influence in the community. Women throughout the ages have fought to obtain rights equal to men. Women are still fighting for them. Yes, there are differences between men and women but I don't think any of them prohibit or hinder leadership ability.

I have been reading Jesus Feminist by Sarah Bessey as my introduction to this subject. I have learned quite a bit by her walk through her own study of this topic. Her book resonates with what I have been feeling.

I have appreciated that Sarah acknowledges that women in church leadership is a sensitive and hotly debated issue in which not everyone is called to verbally contribute. She reminds us that we can minister and use our gifts in every area of our life even if official ministry titles and positions are not approved by the church. God can use us where we are. Some women will feel led to challenge the church's stance with discussions and questions while others will choose to follow God's leading and serve/lead in the areas he determines, challenging the status quo by their lives. Just because women may not be allowed to preach in some congregations, it does not mean they cannot still be influential in their communities.

I still am not sure what my role is in this subject. Right now I have a lot of questions but not a lot of definitive answers. I will continue to seek the wisdom of those who have more experience, study and insight into women leadership and the church. I do think the church misses out when it excludes women from being influential and using their gifts to serve the church and community.


What are your thoughts on this issue? I welcome respectful and thoughtful comments.