Things I've Learned From the Men in my Life

  When I first started thinking about this writing prompt I was a little stumped. In recent years I have surrounded myself with some amazing women. I've been in Bible studies with them, mom groups, tennis teams, authors of books I've read. I could think of a vast number of women I admire. It took a little more time for my mind to think about the men in my life and how they have impacted me. I enjoyed the challenge and what I recalled from thinking about influences in my life.

1) My father

  I initially felt that this was pretty cliche, but the longer I've lived the more I've learned that there are a lot of people who did not grow up with fathers who loved, encouraged, supported and invested in them. It seems like a given to me because that was my experience but I am not necessarily the norm. I have a lot of fond memories of my father. I remember playing in his workshop with wood, nails and hammers while he worked on his own project. The smell of sawdust transports me back to his workshop. He didn't seem to mind me being in there. He would let my friends and I work on projects in there (we attempted to make a boat for our pond but it was not even close to water-tight and turned into a dock). I remember riding on our riding lawnmower with him (and eventually being given the job of official lawn mower). I remember him cheering me on at my sporting events. He was a vocal supporter. I remember having a father-daughter date when I was visiting home from college. I asked him some personal questions that made him squirm a bit (probably fear that being flawed would remove his hero status - not true). I always felt secure in his love. My dad taught me that I am important, worthy of his time and support, and worth showing up for.

He still has this Christmas shirt I made him in elementary school!

2) My husband

  It is possibly also cliche that I find my husband worthy of admiration but I really don't care. He is a wonderful man, a hard worker, a loving husband and father. I admire his dedication to integrity at work and home. I appreciate his love, support and encouragement. I love his heart for serving and helping others. I could gush forever but I'll keep it short and sweet. Among countless other things, he has taught me that I don't have to do it all and that it's okay to ask for help.

3) My high school youth pastor

  I loved my high school youth pastor and his wife. They were so open and honest. They weren't afraid of sharing their mistakes because they were secure in God's love for them and hoped their testimony would prevent us from making the same mistakes. My affection for them probably increased because of their authenticity and vulnerability. He taught me that my mistakes do not make me ineffective for God. Redemption is available and God can still be honored and glorified through my life. I think he (and his wife) also planted the seed that has enabled me to be honest and vulnerable because of personal experience of how it encourages and can be an example for others.

4) My grandfather

  For nearly all of my remembered life (ages 3+) my family lived away from our extended family. Nearly every summer my brother and I would fly out to Oregon to visit our grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. We always had a blast spending time with everyone and enjoying the moderate climate of the pacific northwest. I have a lot of fond memories of staying at my grandparents' farm. We would catch grasshoppers to feed the chickens, pick produce, throw apples to the deer, catch cabbage moths to earn nickels, pick "puff balls" off of the oak trees, swim in the creek and shoot hoops on the side of the barn. I remember bumping around the grounds with Grandpa in his old red truck, learning square dancing basics, playing memory math games and lots of card games. My grandfather taught me that math is fun and working hard is worthwhile.

5) My friend's husband

  I haven't really spent a lot of time with the husbands of my friends but, for a while, I was part of a prayer group that was hosted at my friend's house and had a four-person core group (two of which were my friend and her husband). We all learned a lot about one another and enjoyed praying for one another, our church and whatever else was mentioned each meeting. Also, being friends for quite a few years I learned a lot about my friend's husband through my friend. I have been impressed by his obedience and faithfulness to God and his desire to honor God in all circumstances and areas of his life. His love for God and his family is evident to all. He diligently serves others with his abilities. If he can help you, he will. My friend's husband has helped teach me the power of prayer, the importance of obedience and trust in God in all circumstances, and the joy of using your gifts and abilities to serve others and glorify God.


  There are more men I could have mentioned as having influenced my life. I hope that you will think about those in your life who influence you positively and, perhaps, reach out them and let them know that you appreciate them.

Made Well: Healthy and Healing are Not Synonymous

  I had the privilege of receiving an advanced copy of Made Well: Finding Wholeness in the Everyday Sacred Moments by Jenny Simmons. I tore through it in less than a week. I loved it so much. It spoke specifically to me about various experiences in my life now and in the past. I would highly recommend it to anyone who has suffered a loss or walked through a difficult path. Jenny is so honest in sharing parts of her story and does an excellent job of sharing the stories of loss others have entrusted her with. I am not sure how else to convey the pearls of wisdom and truth gleaned in these pages other than to share some quotes from the text that resonated deeply with me. If they strike a chord with you as well, I would recommend picking up a copy for yourself. It is officially available October 4! If you pre-order before it's release, there are some freebies to be had as well.

Healing happens all the time, even if a cure doesn't. I am invited to be made well even when the broken things don't get put perfectly back together.

  I think we all often struggle with wanting everything in this world to be made perfect by God. But he has not promised to restore us completely until we are in eternity. We must continue to trust in God's provision and his timing for our healing.

As if the physical body dying were not enough to contend with, there are other deaths in this life we must walk through as well. The death of marriages, friendships, dreams, careers, relationships, stages of life, sanity and health.

  It was actually encouraging to be reminded that we all experience a number of deaths in our lives. It is healthy for us to grieve the things we lose, but we should try not to allow our lives to be defined by them. Whenever we suffer a loss, God is there with us providing comfort and offering to bring healing however he deems best.

When confession and relinquishing control become daily habits, it becomes easier to live free. Each day we are learning to live under the grace of being sparkly clean.

  I am in the process of learning to relinquish control in various areas of my life. It is not easy and I will sometimes try to reestablish control multiple times, even though I know deep down that God needs to be in control. Giving things over to him and allowing him to be responsible does give me the freedom to walk in faith and trust.

 One can belong to everything and everyone, and most of us over-belong ourselves in our quest to find home. We belong to so many people and so many things that when we sit still long enough, we recognize the gnawing feeling that we aren't deeply known by anyone.

  I have felt this way recently. In my last season I was very involved in a number of things but still felt that I didn't really have a strong community. I was expending a lot of effort but the output was not as satisfying or fulfilling as I hoped it would be. I was still in want of a real community where I belonged and was known.

Belonging to all the things keeps us from truly belonging. I am endeavoring to live a life that does not come at the cost of frenzied fury. More often than not this is accomplished through intentional un-belonging. Un-belonging myself to the many things I yearn to belong to in order to consciously belong to the few. 

  This is my current season of life. Over the past few months I have removed a number of obligations from my schedule. I am trying to scale down to the essentials in order to determine what is truly needed and what I might add that would bring value and meaning to my life. It has been challenging and I am continuing to struggle through this process. I am trusting God's leading through this season and look forward to being on the other side and seeing what comes from this intentionality.

When the fear of missing out, the inability to say no, or the misguided belief that you must be everyone's savior causes you to perpetually accept opportunities and friendships you don't have space for, your road will become so crowded that you will find yourself wondering how you belong to everyone but don't belong to anyone. The gnawing loneliness and exhaustion will creep in.

  This paragraph defines how I was feeling before I began the process of "un-belonging". I have major FOMO and it still pokes at me but I am slowly learning that I cannot be part of every good thing. I am human. I have limits. My time each day/week is fixed. When I say yes, I am also saying no. I need to make sure my "yesses" are for something truly worthwhile.

The Western soul has been conditioned to fix itself. Self-reliance is regarded as a premium character trait. We do not know how to open our hands well and receive the gifts of others...We have forgotten how to graciously accept gifts. How to let love be lavished upon us. In a culture where we expect everyone to earn his or her own way, we must relearn how to receive. We must fight the voice that says we don't deserve it, we haven't earned it, it might come with strings attached, or it could be a con. It's a gift! Mutter "wow" and be in awe.

  I have struggled for years with self-reliance. I have hated asking for help with things. I dislike feeling like I owe something (even if it's construed as a gift I still sometimes feel this way). I have been learning that refusing gifts and refusing to ask for help keeps me from being in community with others. In accepting help and admitting my need, I am inviting others into my life to know me and for me to know them. I am learning just how important and valuable it is in receiving help (or gifts) from others.

Those are the big takeaways I received from the book. I hope the quotes encouraged and spoke to you as they did me. I would recommend checking out this book. It would make a great gift to people going through a difficult time as well.

Five Influential Women I've Met

  I was excited to tackle this topic because there are so many wonderful women in my life that have been positive influences. It was hard to narrow it down to five but somehow I managed. I am so thankful to have had such positive female influences in my life. There are a number of authors,  bloggers and podcasters that have been influencial in my life so I definitely wanted to include at least one in addition to "in real life" people. I hope you'll enjoy my list and let me know about some of the fabulous women in your life.

1) My mother

  This almost seems like a given because women are often close to their mothers. I know not everyone has this experience. And, by others' standards, I would probably not be considered close to my mother (we communicate about once per week). However, we have a very good relationship. I love spending time with her (which is rare because we live 2200 miles apart). I value her opinion. I have positive memories from childhood. Her story (at least the parts I know about) has given me great respect for her. She has shown me the value of perseverance and pursuing your goals even when there are challenges or you are not supported by those around you. She has been so open with me about her story that my admiration and appreciation for her has only grown through the years. I have a distinct memory of riding home from a high school basketball game (she came to nearly all of my sporting events, even the 2+ hour away ones) and being so engrossed in a very vulnerable and honest conversation that we ended up getting pulled over for speeding. My mom is amazing and I am grateful for her impact and influence in my life.

2) My maternal grandmother

  My grandmother died a little over six years ago. I am glad that she is no longer suffering from dementia but I miss her dearly. She was an amazing woman and I enjoyed her very much. She was a strong woman who made friends wherever she went - to her there was no such thing as a stranger. She broke barriers of her time by becoming Oregon's first female licensed water treatment plant operator - running the plant for her town (this happened during a time when the reporters referred to her as Mrs. Eugene Cherry when they wrote an article on her in the newspaper). She was a hard worker. She was firm but also fun. We loved visiting her and grandpa in the summers. We learned many card games from her. She took us to the library often. She encouraged me to work on my cooking skills (and my brother as well). She gave us chores and tasks to contribute. She was as involved as she could be from many states away and made us feel that she was proud of us.

3) My paternal grandmother

  My other grandmother also lived in Oregon and we would see her every summer as well. She was also a strong woman but much quieter than my maternal grandmother. She was a hardworking woman who raised five children, milked cows, sewed her own clothing, tended a garden, and was very involved in her community. Her life wasn't easy but she didn't seem to complain. She trusted God and made do with what she had. She taught me some sewing basics and helped me make a few items including a dress. I remember wandering through her flower garden smelling all of the wonderful roses, cracking open rocks with a pick axe in hopes of finding geodes, wandering through the cow pasture, riding bikes up to the country store for candy, and hunting for frogs. My grandmother was diligent about writing to various family members to keep us abreast of events and other family members. At her funeral, the church was packed with people who had been influenced by her over the years.

4) My former pastor's wife

  My husband moved here to GA a few months before we got married. When I came to visit him before the wedding, my future pastor and his wife allowed me to stay with them. It still blows my mind that they let a stranger stay with them. When I moved down here, we were involved in their small group and that's how I got to know her better. She hosted women's events at her house and I was impressed by her hospitality and generosity. When I became a stay-at-home mom, she invited me and my daughter over to her house so that I could get some social time while my daughter played with toys. I will always appreciate her kindness in making time for us every other week and being willing to listen and answer any questions about motherhood or life in general. She has invested in so many women, children, families and relationships throughout the years, the fruits of which are evident in all of the support and help her family has received recently walking through their own challenging life events. She is a wonderful example of someone whose joy is found in Christ and who has a confident trust in God to provide for her in all circumstances.

5) Jen Hatmaker

  I have read numerous blog posts by her (the first one being Worst End-of-School Mom Ever) and she comes across as funny, friendly and inviting in her writing. I appreciate her candor and her passion for people. She is not afraid to be her true self even when it means being criticized by others. She has a huge heart and desires for everyone to know that they are loved by God and valuable as a person. I was fortunate enough to be chosen as part of her book launch team for her most recent book, For the Love, and it became an invitation to get to know her a little better (and even attend a party at her house!). She is just as kind and gracious and generous in person as she is online. She is an introvert (like myself) and still willingly hugged, talked and took pictures individually with a long line of women in her backyard. I cannot imagine how exhausted she must have felt at the end of that night. Yet she was so warm and kind (and the rest of her family was just as lovely). I know that it must be hard to receive criticism for being genuine, vulnerable and proclaiming that Jesus' love is for everyone. I have great respect and admiration for her. Her example encourages me to be myself and not fear criticism for living authentically.

She took pictures like this with approximately 200 people!

There are many more women who have influenced my life and who I appreciate greatly and could have easily highlighted here (so please don't think you're not important if you're not one of these five!). I would love to hear about some amazing women impacting your life! Share in the comment section below!