Five Influential Women I've Met

  I was excited to tackle this topic because there are so many wonderful women in my life that have been positive influences. It was hard to narrow it down to five but somehow I managed. I am so thankful to have had such positive female influences in my life. There are a number of authors,  bloggers and podcasters that have been influencial in my life so I definitely wanted to include at least one in addition to "in real life" people. I hope you'll enjoy my list and let me know about some of the fabulous women in your life.

1) My mother

  This almost seems like a given because women are often close to their mothers. I know not everyone has this experience. And, by others' standards, I would probably not be considered close to my mother (we communicate about once per week). However, we have a very good relationship. I love spending time with her (which is rare because we live 2200 miles apart). I value her opinion. I have positive memories from childhood. Her story (at least the parts I know about) has given me great respect for her. She has shown me the value of perseverance and pursuing your goals even when there are challenges or you are not supported by those around you. She has been so open with me about her story that my admiration and appreciation for her has only grown through the years. I have a distinct memory of riding home from a high school basketball game (she came to nearly all of my sporting events, even the 2+ hour away ones) and being so engrossed in a very vulnerable and honest conversation that we ended up getting pulled over for speeding. My mom is amazing and I am grateful for her impact and influence in my life.

2) My maternal grandmother

  My grandmother died a little over six years ago. I am glad that she is no longer suffering from dementia but I miss her dearly. She was an amazing woman and I enjoyed her very much. She was a strong woman who made friends wherever she went - to her there was no such thing as a stranger. She broke barriers of her time by becoming Oregon's first female licensed water treatment plant operator - running the plant for her town (this happened during a time when the reporters referred to her as Mrs. Eugene Cherry when they wrote an article on her in the newspaper). She was a hard worker. She was firm but also fun. We loved visiting her and grandpa in the summers. We learned many card games from her. She took us to the library often. She encouraged me to work on my cooking skills (and my brother as well). She gave us chores and tasks to contribute. She was as involved as she could be from many states away and made us feel that she was proud of us.

3) My paternal grandmother

  My other grandmother also lived in Oregon and we would see her every summer as well. She was also a strong woman but much quieter than my maternal grandmother. She was a hardworking woman who raised five children, milked cows, sewed her own clothing, tended a garden, and was very involved in her community. Her life wasn't easy but she didn't seem to complain. She trusted God and made do with what she had. She taught me some sewing basics and helped me make a few items including a dress. I remember wandering through her flower garden smelling all of the wonderful roses, cracking open rocks with a pick axe in hopes of finding geodes, wandering through the cow pasture, riding bikes up to the country store for candy, and hunting for frogs. My grandmother was diligent about writing to various family members to keep us abreast of events and other family members. At her funeral, the church was packed with people who had been influenced by her over the years.

4) My former pastor's wife

  My husband moved here to GA a few months before we got married. When I came to visit him before the wedding, my future pastor and his wife allowed me to stay with them. It still blows my mind that they let a stranger stay with them. When I moved down here, we were involved in their small group and that's how I got to know her better. She hosted women's events at her house and I was impressed by her hospitality and generosity. When I became a stay-at-home mom, she invited me and my daughter over to her house so that I could get some social time while my daughter played with toys. I will always appreciate her kindness in making time for us every other week and being willing to listen and answer any questions about motherhood or life in general. She has invested in so many women, children, families and relationships throughout the years, the fruits of which are evident in all of the support and help her family has received recently walking through their own challenging life events. She is a wonderful example of someone whose joy is found in Christ and who has a confident trust in God to provide for her in all circumstances.

5) Jen Hatmaker

  I have read numerous blog posts by her (the first one being Worst End-of-School Mom Ever) and she comes across as funny, friendly and inviting in her writing. I appreciate her candor and her passion for people. She is not afraid to be her true self even when it means being criticized by others. She has a huge heart and desires for everyone to know that they are loved by God and valuable as a person. I was fortunate enough to be chosen as part of her book launch team for her most recent book, For the Love, and it became an invitation to get to know her a little better (and even attend a party at her house!). She is just as kind and gracious and generous in person as she is online. She is an introvert (like myself) and still willingly hugged, talked and took pictures individually with a long line of women in her backyard. I cannot imagine how exhausted she must have felt at the end of that night. Yet she was so warm and kind (and the rest of her family was just as lovely). I know that it must be hard to receive criticism for being genuine, vulnerable and proclaiming that Jesus' love is for everyone. I have great respect and admiration for her. Her example encourages me to be myself and not fear criticism for living authentically.

She took pictures like this with approximately 200 people!

There are many more women who have influenced my life and who I appreciate greatly and could have easily highlighted here (so please don't think you're not important if you're not one of these five!). I would love to hear about some amazing women impacting your life! Share in the comment section below! 

Admitting My Need

I have considered myself to be very independent which I thought was a pretty good thing for quite awhile. Parents all seem to want to raise kids who are self-sufficient, productive members of society. But I think you can get to a point where it's almost a source of pride that you don't really need anything from anyone. And also a lie.

My little snow island

Thinking I have gotten to where I am on my own is not true. I may have put in hard work, but I had loving, caring parents who provided for my needs, provided many opportunities and advantages that others may not receive and encouraged me throughout my life. There's no way I'd be where I am without them. And there have been quite a few people who have encouraged me and helped me and shaped who I am as I have grown up. I will never know just how much others have influenced who I have become.

More recently I have been struggling with not feeling like I have many ties to where I'm living. I've lived my whole married life away from my parents and in-laws. My husband and I thought it was a good thing early on because it allowed us to establish our relationship away from the influence of family. We were able to set a solid foundation for our new little family of two. And I do think it was beneficial to help us learn more about one another and ourselves and grow together.

As we've gotten older and added children into the family, the lack of local family support has been noticed and missed. We wish our kids would be able to spend more frequent time with their grandparents and cousins. Selfishly, we wish we had the opportunity for free babysitting.

I was reading Prayer by Richard Foster yesterday and in the chapter it talked about praying to relinquish our self-sufficiency. I realized that I do tend to operate in the mindset of self-sufficiency which isn't necessarily a good thing. I have been used to being away from family (I didn't live close to extended family as a child and have not lived near my parents since I graduated high school) but I sometimes have mistaken my experience as proof of self-sufficiency. Just because I am not able to be near them does not mean I do not need them.

Likewise, just because I do not have something does not mean it is not beneficial and something I might truly need. In an effort to combat my misguided thinking I thought it would help me to acknowledge people and relationships I do need and their benefits. Here we go.

I need my husband. Practically, he is the one who has blessed me with the opportunity to be at home with my kids. He is responsible for all of our basic necessities (thinking about it reminds me of how daunting that may feel at times for him). He does such an excellent job of providing for us. I know I could not fulfill his responsibilities. I need my husband for encouragement and support - in personal endeavors but most especially in parenting. We make a great team and our family would be sorely lacking without him. I need him for physical comfort and affection. I cherish his hugs and kisses. I need him for emotional comfort and support as well. He offers such wise advice and can see things in  situations I cannot at times.

I need my children. They made me a mother. They have caused me to do a lot of personal growing, the most extraordinary being the growing of sacrifice and service. Being responsible of the needs of others rubs on your selfishness and helps it to diminish some. I need their love, smiles, hugs, kisses and belly laughs. I need them so that I can experience life through a child's eyes and perhaps focus once again on what is important rather than all of the distractions of the world. I love seeing them learn and grow in abilities. It is amazing.

I need my family. I need the love and acceptance that is found there. (I know there are people who do not have safe families where they experience these things.) I need my encouragers who are always in my corner, always for me, always proud of me. I need the connection of shared experiences and inside jokes (even the ones that embarrass me).

I need God. He is woven in and through all of these and I know that he is for me and always with me. I love the way he reveals a little more of himself to me as I consistently draw near to him. Just last week I heard afresh the truth that God created me for him. He is constantly surprising me with little reminders of his love though I do not always recognize them. I need God to continue to work in my heart, to remove the selfishness and judgment and lack of love that can be found there. I need him to lavish his grace and forgiveness on me so that I do not despair when I am confronted with my sinfulness. I need Jesus who rescued me from death and darkness and has filled me with hope.

I need friends. Good, close friends. I was thinking today about how my kids could potentially have life-long friends. People they've known since they could walk. Neither my husband and I have friends like that. We moved several times and so our young relationships were severed and new ones created. Not that we haven't been able to establish strong relationships, just that we cannot relate to decades-long friendships (I do have a couple middle school friends I still keep in touch with and that spans nearly twenty years now but nothing earlier than that).

I feel I have struggled most in this area. I am an introvert so I yearn for a few deep relationships. Surface acquaintances do not renew or restore me. I have been blessed through the years to have found some of these relationships. My struggle is that they seem hard to maintain and my track record shows that they are usually severed when someone moves. I have accepted this as a fact of life but it doesn't make it any easier to move on and try again. I also realize some relationships have seasons.

I realized recently that sometimes I don't admit that I desire good friends. I think I pretend that it doesn't bother me that not many people reach out to me so that I won't feel as bad about it. But it is hard to do most of the initiating. Sometimes you want others to reach out so you know the friendship is important to them too. That you matter to them. We all want to be important and valuable. We want others to find us worthy of their time.

In my heart I know that God knows what I need. I know that he can provide me with amazing, honest, deep, vulnerable friendship. And I trust that he will provide me with what I need when I need it. I also think that he wants me to bring my longings to him. He wants me to seek him above people. He created me and knows what is in store for me. I trust him.

Image courtesy of tiramisustudio at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I was reminded of his love for me and the truth that he can provide friendships at any time this morning. I have been wrestling with a bit of loneliness the past couple of days. I prayed that I knew God is faithful and has the power to provide. This morning at church a woman told me that she was wanting to focus more on people this year and would like to get together sometime to talk. I knew this was God's confirmation of what I already knew to be true. I don't know whether we will actually set aside time to get together (I'd love to but, you know, life) but I won't be as bummed if there's no follow through because I have confidence in God and his faithfulness.

So that's the truth. I need people and relationships. What about you? Is there anything you try to pretend you don't need simply because you don't have it right now?

Still Struggling

Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The day after I wrote my last post, my verses for the day's study were from Titus 2 where it talks about older women training younger women. I felt a pang of disappointment at not having this type of relationship. Even though I am choosing to trust God's timing, it's still difficult and has not removed my longing for this type of relationship. I thought I'd share my devotional for that day so that you can see what my personal study looks like.

***

Titus 2:3-5

Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, and to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

Older women are instructed to actively encourage/teach/mentor younger women. Even in my thirties, I am considered an older woman to those in their teens and twenties. My five-year-old daughter is probably watching me to help establish her identity as a girl and learn what it means to be a woman, wife and mother. This means I should be very aware of how I present myself and represent Biblical womanhood.

Even though I can be an example for some, I still desire to have an older, wiser woman help me to be a better wife, mom and Christ-follower. My mother lives far away so it is harder to have this type of mentoring relationship with her. I know that God can develop all of these traits in me on his own, but I desire community and relationships with others and I still struggle.

I think that's the detriment of our mobile society. It's harder to establish and maintain close relationships. Many people live away from their families which removes them from having built-in community and support Humans were made for relationships. It's how we grow and thrive. Family will always be there - you can't get rid of them (good or bad). Friendships tend to be more delicate, vulnerable to time and distance. 

Lord, I am trying to trust you with my needs and relationships. I struggle so much in this area of close relationships. I don't know exactly what I desire but I know that you know what I need. You love me and will provide at the proper time. Amen.

Living Life on Purpose

When my daughter was a toddler, I had a friend who had school aged children and was also a SAHM. She invited me and my daughter to come to her house every other week to let my daughter play with her girls' toys and allow me to talk to her about what was going on in my life. I felt very comfortable with her to share personal issues and to also ask her advice about parenting, marriage and faith. Her kindness was such a blessing to me. I remember while receiving this encouragement and support I thought that it was a ministry I would like to have once my children are older. Many SAHMS desire a welcoming, accepting place to share while embracing their current season as mothers of little ones.

While pregnant with my second child, this amazing woman and her family moved away. It was difficult for me to lose this close connection. My family and in-laws all live in different states from my family so our only local support is from friends we make here. 

I tried for awhile to find a replacement for my friend. I participated in mom groups and sought to deepen friendships with other women. It was nice to have people who could relate, but I still desired someone who could impart wisdom about the future and serve as proof that difficult seasons of parenting will pass. I spent a lot of time praying for an older woman mentor of sorts. 

Finally, at the beginning of this year, I decided I would choose to trust God to provide what I need in terms of relationships and in the meantime seek wisdom on my roles as woman, wife and mother from the source - the Bible. (I think God has really wanted me to seek him for this wisdom on how to live and thrive in these roles all along and it took me awhile to realize this.)

This decision also coincided with me feeling that I was reading my Bible as a checklist item and not really seeking to learn and apply what I was reading each morning. I wanted that to change so I decided to change my methods. Instead of trying to read a chapter each day to get through the entire Bible (my previous plan), I decided to study scriptures about my womanly roles. I chose to start with the illustrious Proverbs 31 woman we hear so much about. 

I am a journaler. Writing is how I process my thoughts. I decided that to truly study God's word and let it sink into my soul, I would take it slow and use my strengths. I began by writing out the verse I wished to study. Then I wrote out what I thought it meant and how I might be able to apply it. I ended with a prayer about the verse. Some verses were tough for me to determine a modern-day application. One particular verse I was so stumped, I did an online search to see what others had gleaned from the verse. I am trying to improve my ability to seek help when I need it. 

Once I was through those verses, I sought out other verses referencing these topics. I am currently focusing on what the Bible says about being a woman and a wife. I have verse references about children and parents for the next part of this dig into the Bible. 

Having used this method for more than two months now, it has not become rote. I think it's the amount of focus needed to write my thoughts. It has been so encouraging and inspiring to me that I am considering turning my pages into a devotional when I am finished. This declaration is a little scary as I struggle with having meaningful thoughts and/or wisdom to share with others. I know that God will work out the details if this is what I am supposed to do with this personal Bible study.

Recently, I received the opportunity to read and complete a Bible study about Biblical womanhood that another woman has written. I do not think it is coincidental that her study topic is what I have been delving into personally for a few months. I am very interested in reading about what she learned from her experience with the Scriptures. 

Now, Dear Reader, I have an opportunity for you as well. The author, Katie May Tramonte, has provided me with an additional copy of her Bible study, Gospel-Centered Womanhood, which I am able to give away to one of you! If you would like a chance to win this study, please leave a comment between now and April 6th. The winner (picked randomly) will be announced on April 7th. Good luck!

P.S. - If you're having trouble leaving a comment, please let me know so I can try to fix the issue!