Five Influential Women I've Met

  I was excited to tackle this topic because there are so many wonderful women in my life that have been positive influences. It was hard to narrow it down to five but somehow I managed. I am so thankful to have had such positive female influences in my life. There are a number of authors,  bloggers and podcasters that have been influencial in my life so I definitely wanted to include at least one in addition to "in real life" people. I hope you'll enjoy my list and let me know about some of the fabulous women in your life.

1) My mother

  This almost seems like a given because women are often close to their mothers. I know not everyone has this experience. And, by others' standards, I would probably not be considered close to my mother (we communicate about once per week). However, we have a very good relationship. I love spending time with her (which is rare because we live 2200 miles apart). I value her opinion. I have positive memories from childhood. Her story (at least the parts I know about) has given me great respect for her. She has shown me the value of perseverance and pursuing your goals even when there are challenges or you are not supported by those around you. She has been so open with me about her story that my admiration and appreciation for her has only grown through the years. I have a distinct memory of riding home from a high school basketball game (she came to nearly all of my sporting events, even the 2+ hour away ones) and being so engrossed in a very vulnerable and honest conversation that we ended up getting pulled over for speeding. My mom is amazing and I am grateful for her impact and influence in my life.

2) My maternal grandmother

  My grandmother died a little over six years ago. I am glad that she is no longer suffering from dementia but I miss her dearly. She was an amazing woman and I enjoyed her very much. She was a strong woman who made friends wherever she went - to her there was no such thing as a stranger. She broke barriers of her time by becoming Oregon's first female licensed water treatment plant operator - running the plant for her town (this happened during a time when the reporters referred to her as Mrs. Eugene Cherry when they wrote an article on her in the newspaper). She was a hard worker. She was firm but also fun. We loved visiting her and grandpa in the summers. We learned many card games from her. She took us to the library often. She encouraged me to work on my cooking skills (and my brother as well). She gave us chores and tasks to contribute. She was as involved as she could be from many states away and made us feel that she was proud of us.

3) My paternal grandmother

  My other grandmother also lived in Oregon and we would see her every summer as well. She was also a strong woman but much quieter than my maternal grandmother. She was a hardworking woman who raised five children, milked cows, sewed her own clothing, tended a garden, and was very involved in her community. Her life wasn't easy but she didn't seem to complain. She trusted God and made do with what she had. She taught me some sewing basics and helped me make a few items including a dress. I remember wandering through her flower garden smelling all of the wonderful roses, cracking open rocks with a pick axe in hopes of finding geodes, wandering through the cow pasture, riding bikes up to the country store for candy, and hunting for frogs. My grandmother was diligent about writing to various family members to keep us abreast of events and other family members. At her funeral, the church was packed with people who had been influenced by her over the years.

4) My former pastor's wife

  My husband moved here to GA a few months before we got married. When I came to visit him before the wedding, my future pastor and his wife allowed me to stay with them. It still blows my mind that they let a stranger stay with them. When I moved down here, we were involved in their small group and that's how I got to know her better. She hosted women's events at her house and I was impressed by her hospitality and generosity. When I became a stay-at-home mom, she invited me and my daughter over to her house so that I could get some social time while my daughter played with toys. I will always appreciate her kindness in making time for us every other week and being willing to listen and answer any questions about motherhood or life in general. She has invested in so many women, children, families and relationships throughout the years, the fruits of which are evident in all of the support and help her family has received recently walking through their own challenging life events. She is a wonderful example of someone whose joy is found in Christ and who has a confident trust in God to provide for her in all circumstances.

5) Jen Hatmaker

  I have read numerous blog posts by her (the first one being Worst End-of-School Mom Ever) and she comes across as funny, friendly and inviting in her writing. I appreciate her candor and her passion for people. She is not afraid to be her true self even when it means being criticized by others. She has a huge heart and desires for everyone to know that they are loved by God and valuable as a person. I was fortunate enough to be chosen as part of her book launch team for her most recent book, For the Love, and it became an invitation to get to know her a little better (and even attend a party at her house!). She is just as kind and gracious and generous in person as she is online. She is an introvert (like myself) and still willingly hugged, talked and took pictures individually with a long line of women in her backyard. I cannot imagine how exhausted she must have felt at the end of that night. Yet she was so warm and kind (and the rest of her family was just as lovely). I know that it must be hard to receive criticism for being genuine, vulnerable and proclaiming that Jesus' love is for everyone. I have great respect and admiration for her. Her example encourages me to be myself and not fear criticism for living authentically.

She took pictures like this with approximately 200 people!

There are many more women who have influenced my life and who I appreciate greatly and could have easily highlighted here (so please don't think you're not important if you're not one of these five!). I would love to hear about some amazing women impacting your life! Share in the comment section below! 

Parenting Through the First-Three-Years Fog

  This year I have felt much more like myself, by which I mean more like the person I remember being before I became a mother. Don't get me wrong, I love being a mom and I love my kids. I have learned, grown and changed (hopefully for the better) so much because they are part of my life. I would not go back and change things if I had that option. I am just saying it felt like I got lost a little when I was introduced to motherhood.

  I don't think I'm the only one who feels that my whole life changed when I became a mother. I entered into a new culture of being entrusted with another's complete well-being. Of learning everything I could about another human being and managing their time, creating eating, sleeping, playing, and bathing schedules. Scheduling doctor's appointments and keeping track of just about everything another person did so that I would be able to answer all of the doctor's questions. And, of course, doing all of this on an erratic and inadequate sleep schedule. Not to mention simultaneously dealing with my own physical, emotional and mental recovery.

And then doing all of that again less than three years later while also managing a very mobile, opinionated, mostly toilet trained, desirous of all of your attention individual.

Again, I love my kids. I know that most everyone has very similar experiences in parenting, but I am giving myself permission to admit that it is at times challenging and exhausting and, every so often, I live in survival mode.

  But now my kids are six and three. My youngest is toilet trained, can get mostly dressed on his own, feeds himself and just started at preschool three mornings per week, allowing me some precious me/alone time. And, so far, it has been so refreshing and restorative (because I haven't allowed myself to spend all of my time doing chores or running errands).

  I was talking with a friend a few weeks ago whose youngest is still months away from her first birthday. I was saying how I feel so much more like me these days and it is because I am out of the fog that is parenting the first three years of a child's life. Those years are so demanding of parents. The kids need you to feed and change them. Sometimes they won't allow anyone else to feed them. They can be very clingy so you spend most of your day feeding and holding them. If/when they finally go to sleep for the night you are DONE with being needed or touched. You just want to get away to your own little bubble to rest and think.

  You are often worried about whether they are eating enough, sleeping enough, going to choke on the banana, having enough stimulation/variety in their diets/tummy time/books read to them/wet or dirty diapers. You are constantly monitoring their moods, activities, body temperature. They consume all of your brain and most of your time. No wonder I didn't feel like my former self. Not only was I physically different, but my brain had received an influx of new information that needed to be processed constantly.

  Eventually they begin to feed themselves (which can turn into a battle because you're concerned they'll starve themselves or be nutritionally deficient), learn to crawl and walk on their own (which means baby-proofing the house, still losing a few items that you loved, and kissing a lot more ouchies), and start saying words (and you will regret teaching them "mommy" when they get to be two and say it every three seconds). You love seeing all of the new milestones and the beginnings of independence. But they still need you to help them change their clothes, teach them to be polite and enforce the house rules, brush their teeth, and work around their nap schedule (I love naptime!). They may still want to be carried everywhere and cling to you when in an unfamiliar environment. You still have to get past the looming hurdle that is toilet training.

  Usually sometime between three and four, your precious child is reasonably independent. They have few toilet accidents. They feed themselves and usually eat at least one vegetable and meat to supplement their snacking preference. They can get mostly or completely dressed for the day. They can play on their own a bit. They are (hopefully) still napping or having some quiet room time each day for your sanity break. They can tell you when they are hurt, hungry, sad or mad. They are more adventurous and not as reluctant to be separated from you (my experience, at least).

  There are still challenges like them having their own opinions and not always wanting to obey. Or picking fights with their siblings. They can't yet read or write on their own but I don't mind cuddling and reading books now that I am not always being touched by someone.

  Now that my children are older, I am rediscovering my passions and taking time to refresh myself. I have realized just how important self-care is and have time to do it. It is not easy when you're in the younger years and fear what will happen if you take a shower while the little ones are awake and unsupervised. If you're sleep deprived because your baby or toddler doesn't sleep through the night, of course you're going to be more run down and space out when you get a spare minute.

  Parenting kids through their first three years is tough (in my experience). It takes a lot out of you. But, take heart, it's just a season. You will once again have time for things that fill you up. Your kids will grow and change and you will do the same with them. You may be sad to leave the baby stage, but you have so many others to look forward to - school, activities, kids being old enough to do their own laundry. Give yourself grace. It's okay not to love every minute of every season.

  I am loving my kids' current ages. I am not loving homework time. I don't particularly care for the illnesses that appear when school starts. I love that they play well together. I love watching my six-year-old gain confidence as she learns new abilities like reading, riding a bicycle, dancing and playing the piano. I enjoy the imagination and creativity of my three-year-old. I love his sweetness and hearing him tell me he loves or likes me at least once per day (I know that won't last). I love that my oldest can help the younger one with things when needed. Every parent loves a specific stage in childhood. Right now I feel like this is my sweet spot.


How old are your kids? What age(s) do/did you enjoy the most? Did you also feel like the first three years of a child's life were the most challenging for you and your identity? If not, how did you successfully manage motherhood and self-care during the early years?

The Weight Loss Challenge

At the end of 2014 I was offered the opportunity to participate in an eight week (which turned into nine weeks, much to my chagrin) weight loss challenge with a group of people beginning in January. I had fallen victim to the food holidays and gained some weight I was not keen on retaining. I hesitated to sign up because there was an entry fee and I knew the odds of me being the big winner (or loser, as is the case of a weight loss challenge) were very slim. While I needed to lose some weight, it didn't seem like I needed to lose enough to result in a high percentage of weight loss. However, the fee was small enough that I could use it as motivation to stick with the challenge and there was the added benefit of accountability via a Facebook page which would certainly encourage me to stay on track. I am a competitive person so I knew I would at least try to end up in the top half in the standings.

Image courtesy of Master isolated images at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

So on January 4th, the challenge began. I thought I ate pretty healthy to begin with (minus all of the sweets I ate in November and December) so I knew I needed to cut down on high sugar food. I cut out any after lunch treats (which the kids were forlorn about as I made it a family-wide rule to help me stay on track) and decided to try to keep dessert in the evenings to no more than every other night, but hopefully less frequently as my willpower allowed or as the lack of available calories remaining demanded (perhaps you do not have a sweet tooth, but I definitely do). I also saw a segment on the Today show saying that eating our kids' leftovers could lead to a seven pound gain over a year period so I decided to refrain from finishing their meals and only eat what I served myself.

The second week of the challenge I decided to use the My Fitness Pal app to track calories of foods as I was not very knowledgeable about that aspect. The app let me input my current weight, my goal weight and how much I wanted to lose per week. From that info it told me how many calories I ought to consume each day. I ended up using the app to input my exercise as well as water consumption.

I thought I might benefit from drinking the recommended amount of water each day. I knew it would help me to not be as hungry and perhaps I was a little dehydrated. Water was the only beverage I drank throughout the challenge (I did have some milk in my cereal snacks but it wasn't in a glass). I don't drink a lot of other beverages generally but I had gotten into drinking soda several times a week (and I only drink regular soda, not zero calorie) and I knew that could help me save some calories.

As a stay-at-home mom of at least one child who needs constant supervision, I knew that my exercise had to fit in to the hour and a half allotted for nap time (I was already getting up an hour before the kids to pray and read my Bible so I didn't want to get up any earlier and I wanted to be able to relax in the evenings) and take place within my house. I found some exercise videos on YouTube and our NBC Sports channel that ranged in length from 25 minutes to an hour. I decided that my initial goal was three times per week for at minimum 25 minutes each. As I got further in the challenge, I increased to exercising five days per week. Toward the end I chose to do a P90X video for added intensity and chose the lengthier exercise videos. I tried to do a different video each exercise day of a given week. Some I liked more than others so I did them for more weeks (but still just once per week).

I learned a lot through the experience. I became much more informed about the calorie content of food. I learned that getting enough water kept me from being prematurely hungry and that I could survive a few hunger pangs between breakfast and lunch without snacking as well as the pangs as my stomach adjusted to receiving smaller portions of food. I learned that I won't feel deprived if I eat healthier foods and make wiser choices in restaurants. I also learned that a cheat day does not mean "eat all the sweets I can see" unless I also want it to mean "do not lose any weight this week." I learned that being properly hydrated would significantly improve my eczema (hallelujah!). I learned that I can make time for exercise and that, as I'm aging, my body needs a healthy diet in addition to regular exercise to change and improve tone (I used to be able to eat whatever and then exercise well and be fine. Not anymore).

So what was the end result? I ended up in fifth place of about twenty people, missing 13 pounds from my body and about eight percent of my body weight. Not bad, right? I surpassed my personal goal weight which was the exciting part for me.

Image courtesy of cuteimage at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

It has now been approximately six weeks since the challenge and I have continued a lot of the habits I picked up. I don't eat as many carbs (specifically chips and other prepackaged food), eat more fruits and vegetables, try to drink plenty of water and continue to make exercise part of my weekly routine. I weighed myself a couple of days ago and found I had lost another pound even without using the app to track my calories. I'm hoping this means that I have developed a lifestyle with wise and healthy choices.

If you'd like to learn more about what I ate or the exercise videos I used during the challenge, I have a separate post with that information here. Please feel free to ask me any questions about my experience. I'm more than happy to share!

Still Struggling

Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The day after I wrote my last post, my verses for the day's study were from Titus 2 where it talks about older women training younger women. I felt a pang of disappointment at not having this type of relationship. Even though I am choosing to trust God's timing, it's still difficult and has not removed my longing for this type of relationship. I thought I'd share my devotional for that day so that you can see what my personal study looks like.

***

Titus 2:3-5

Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, and to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

Older women are instructed to actively encourage/teach/mentor younger women. Even in my thirties, I am considered an older woman to those in their teens and twenties. My five-year-old daughter is probably watching me to help establish her identity as a girl and learn what it means to be a woman, wife and mother. This means I should be very aware of how I present myself and represent Biblical womanhood.

Even though I can be an example for some, I still desire to have an older, wiser woman help me to be a better wife, mom and Christ-follower. My mother lives far away so it is harder to have this type of mentoring relationship with her. I know that God can develop all of these traits in me on his own, but I desire community and relationships with others and I still struggle.

I think that's the detriment of our mobile society. It's harder to establish and maintain close relationships. Many people live away from their families which removes them from having built-in community and support Humans were made for relationships. It's how we grow and thrive. Family will always be there - you can't get rid of them (good or bad). Friendships tend to be more delicate, vulnerable to time and distance. 

Lord, I am trying to trust you with my needs and relationships. I struggle so much in this area of close relationships. I don't know exactly what I desire but I know that you know what I need. You love me and will provide at the proper time. Amen.

Seasons of Life

Image by nenetus at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I know that I am blessed to have the opportunity to stay at home with my children while they are young. I have loved watching them grow and develop and reach new milestones. I know there are women out there who would love to be at home as well but are unable to for a variety of reasons. Nonetheless, it is not always exactly what I imagined or easy-as-pie every day. I know that our lives are full of varying seasons, none of which last forever (good or bad). In this season of parenting young children, I have continued to receive blessings that help me along the journey. One of those blessings are other women in my life.

Being home with two small children can hinder one's social life, especially if one is breastfeeding one of these children and said child chooses not to accept bottles. A child who needs to feed every two, three or four hours tends to put your day on a schedule that you really don't want to vary from. And we must not forget the naps in between these feedings. You don't really want to skip those either. So naps and feedings tend to take up quite a lot of time in a mother's day. Thankfully the time requirement for these things lessens as the child grows. However, it still makes it difficult to spend time with other people during the day, especially when there's an older child who also would like to be noticed and entertained. It seems like it'd be easy to hang out with people once the children are in bed for the night but then you also want to spend time with your spouse. And you have to alternate evening activities with said spouse so that you can both get some adult time while the kids are properly supervised. Yes, there are babysitters but they can be quite expensive so we don't use them willy-nilly. We are one of those families who don't live near family so babysitting is our only option when we want to go out together (or at the same time - though usually if we're both out of the house we are together (see cost of babysitting)).

I say all of that to say PRAISE THE LORD for women who are willing to work with my family's schedule and hang out with me at my house or with the kids in tow. Before children, my best friend and I would get together whenever the mood hit us. I had every other evening or weekend to spend time with the hubs so scheduling was much easier and carefree. 

When BB was born I was holed up in the house for a few months getting used to parenting and scheduling for a baby. I was grateful for those who brought by meals for us and would stay to chat for a bit. When you only have one child, and it's a baby, the daily conversation can be quite lacking. I did start going to a mom's group which was nice because everyone else had small children so no one cared about crying babies and are schedules were similar.

When BB was older my friend and I still wanted to get together for meaningful conversation. Sometimes we would meet for lunch or somewhere BB could play or be a little rowdy. Often times, she'd come over and have lunch at my house. We eventually started meeting during BB's nap time at my house so that we could talk distraction-free. I am so grateful for her willingness to meet at times and locations that worked best for my season of life.

I have found that to continue to be the case as our house has grown to four members. It's slightly more challenging with one who can talk in addition to a baby and his schedule. Thankfully, compassionate women have willingly met me and my crew at kid-friendly locations and patiently endured interruptions from my peanut gallery, some even kindly being stamped and stickered by BB.

This past Sunday at church a woman I am beginning to get to know offered to meet me and the kids at a park to hang out and talk. It means so much to me when others are considerate of my situation and reach out to bless me with friendship and adult time. These are the people that strengthen and encourage me as a wife, mother, and woman of God. It reminded me off all of the times women have done this in my three and a half years as a mom. I hope that I will remember how much these offerings of friendship mean to me once I have passed through this season so that I, too, will be able to do the same for other young mothers.

Have you had people in your life who have reached out to you in a specific season of your life and given you strength and encouragement? I'd love to hear your experience!

Encouragement and Humor for Parents

Parenting is exhausting!

As I've waded through the first years of motherhood, I have received loads of encouragement from hearing the stories of other mothers who have been where I am and will be soon. Anyone who has had the blessing of preparing for a new adventure by hearing and learning from others who have made it through already understand such information is like an infusion of oxygen when you feel like you're drowning in the experience. As a new mother, you may feel like certain circumstances are never going to pass and you will always be this tired, bored, starved for adult conversation, or covered in spit-up. If you can have just one voice tell you that they were once where you are but have now been freed from that phase and are now receiving more sleep, stimulation, adult time, or days with unsoiled clothes, then perhaps you will receive the encouragement to continue at least one more day, confident that there's light in the distance.

It's wonderful if you are surrounded by women like these, moms in similar situations. But for many of us it is hard to find someone to relate. Perhaps you've just moved to a new place or you are not naturally a people person. Making new friends and visiting a mom group may be out of your comfort zone. Thankfully, we are in the Internet age where people can connect all over the world. And, if even an online connection seems awkward, we are free to visit online groups anonymously and glean wisdom from a myriad of blogs and websites dedicated to parenting that offer candid moments of what life is really like in the trenches. I thought it would be nice to share some posts and sites that I have personally enjoyed with you. I hope that they provide encouragement (or a laugh) to you as well!

Mothers Of PreSchoolers Blog - has a variety of subjects for parents
Crappy Pictures - hilarious and the pictures give it that extra something
Five Kids Is a Lot of Kids - this was my first experience with her writing and I laughed quite hard at this because it was before this scenario was possible in my house
Jen Hatmaker - you may have seen her and this post on the Today show, but it helps me prepare for the school-age years
Rants from Mommyland - some honesty, encouragement and quite a bit of humor
Full of It... - makes me think of the moments when I, too, feel like I've done something right
WhatcomFamilies - a good reminder of what moms do
The Actual Pastor - an encouraging post for parents of young children
Scary Mommy - a collaboration of mom bloggers covering a range of topics


Do you have any encouraging blogs or articles to share? Have you written your own insightful, encouraging, or humorous parenting experience? Link them in your comment!