My Goals for 2017

  Last year I was fairly ambitious with my goal setting. I was not successful in keeping them all perfectly, but the real aim is improvement and growth. Normally I would beat myself up for failure but I have been growing in my understanding and acceptance of grace.

  Last year I also learned more about trusting God and the importance of rest. I still struggle with choosing rest over productivity at times but I am seeing the benefits of resting and trying to rest in the knowledge that my worth and value and acceptance are not based on achievement. I have subtitled 2017: The Year of Less. With all of that said, this year's goal list is short.

1. Call one family member each week.

  For some people this is something that is a regular part of their life. That is not the case for me. My family is spread out, mostly on the western side of the country. I see some of them about once per year. My immediate family has never really been one for regular communication - we don't have a history of contacting one another unless there's something important to share. Since I've had kids, we have had a little more frequent contact, mainly Facetime/Skype so my parents can see the grandkids. But anyone with small children can tell you that not a lot of important information is able to be communicated while conversing with toddlers and preschoolers.

Facetime with my niece

  Last year I struggled a lot with loneliness and a desire for greater community. I realized that I could do something to feel more connected with my family members - more regular communication. I'm not a huge fan of talking on the phone (part introvert, part distraction from my kids), but it's the most effective option for me at this time. I would like to feel like I am more aware of what's going on with my family and hope that this will improve our intimacy and connectedness. 

  I have thus far called a different family member each week and have enjoyed catching up. I can tell it surprised them to have me call randomly. One person was concerned that something was wrong because I was calling them (proof I should call more often). I think I will enjoy this goal very much. Even if I don't manage to connect with someone weekly, I will benefit from more regular contact however frequent it ends up being.

2. One date night with my husband each month.

  Again, I realize that some may see this as a low bar, something they easily achieve. Once again, not for me. It's not that we struggle with wanting to spend time together away from the kids. We enjoy date nights. In the past our schedules have been too full to have time for a date. We also have to find a babysitter every time because we don't have family nearby. With finding a babysitter, our date night costs are greater than we'd like sometimes. But money should not be what keeps us from having some fun, maybe even an adventure, to keep us connected.

  It helps that our kids are older and easy to babysit. They're practically self-sufficient. Having it as a goal will hopefully helps us to keep date night a priority in our minds. We've already had to reschedule January's date three times (once for weather, once for a change in plans, once for babysitter conflict). Not a huge deal as we haven't settled on an official plan. I am finding it humorous (and not surprising) that the first one is taking so much time and effort. The enemy enjoys trying to thwart our efforts. Knowing there are eleven other dates to plan is helping me to think of things we could do or places we could go for a different experience. It is exciting!

  Additionally, we are working toward going on a couple's vacation this year. We haven't had a real vacation without the kids since before we had kids (so at least 7 years). We did have a day trip in Sedona and a couple of days in Yellowstone a few years back but I'm talking about taking a plane somewhere where we're completely out of contact for a bit. I'm definitely looking forward to this!

  So those are my official goals for the year. It appears the focus is on relationships. It seems like a natural segue after all of my loneliness talk last year. I felt that these goals were Spirit-led so I am excited to see what happens.

  I do still want to work on blogging more regularly and being present with my family at home. There are always a myriad of possible improvements in my life but I recognize that I don't have to do it all at once (or, actually, do it all period). I'm also still going to make sure reading is a regular part of my life as it's something that helps me relax and refresh but I don't have a set goal for books this year.

  I do also have a goal (desire) to finish my book revisions and have it available online before May. It has a deadline so it's a little different from my regular goals. We will see how that goes.

What are your goals for 2017? Have you made so many that you feel overwhelmed before you started? Perhaps cut the goals in half (or by half)? Remember the spirit of setting goals - motivation to work on something you want to improve in your life.

Self-Care Benefits Everyone: My Spa Day Revelation

   For Christmas this past year my mother gave me a spa day to use when I came out to Boise for our yearly visit. I was in charge of choosing the place, the services received and the appointment date and time.

  Massages have kind of become part of my Boise experience. I think my mother has gifted me a massage the last three years of visits, which I completely appreciate and enjoy. Last summer I had received an amazing massage from a woman at a spa in the area. I was amazed at her work on my hands and humorously wondered if I could write massages off as a business expense if I ever became an official author/writer (I'm still curious if anyone has some insight). Unfortunately, the masseuse is no longer at the spa so I searched around for local spas and settled on one that had a package of a facial, 90 minute massage and pedicure - pampering from head to toe!

   My experience was incredible! Not only was it relaxing, it was also a very restorative and spiritual time for me. Each of the women allowed me to receive the treatment in quiet, with only the wordless, peaceful music playing - heaven for this introvert who had been around half a dozen + family members for nearly three weeks. My focus wandered through four different parts of the experience - the physical sensations of oils, lotions and hands, the various pleasant scents from the oils and lotions, the relaxation feelings of the experience where I nearly fell asleep multiple times, and the time just to hear my own thoughts and prayers about life, family and friends.

   I was somewhat surprised at the strong spiritual aspect of my experience. I don't recall previous spa sessions to have felt so purposeful and meaningful. Perhaps it is because all previous experiences were approximately 50 minutes in length and this was much longer so I could relax more fully. I loved the time for my mind to process my thoughts and feelings and let go of stress and worry while my body and muscles did the same with help.

   At the end of the experience I felt relaxed, of course, but also infused with peace, patience and energy. Before my appointment I had been short on patience and a generous spirit with my children (it is summer after all, 24/7 family time). Afterward I was more loving, kind and ready to engage with them. When I next spoke with my husband on the phone (he was not with us for the last two weeks of our three week trip) he noted my energy and more positive attitude. More proof that I was a bit worn down.

   This experience has been further evidence to me of the importance of self-care. I was reminded of the kind of mother/daughter/person I can and want to be when I meaningfully take a step away from normal life to refresh and recharge myself. (It was only four hours! Full days and weekends not required for refreshment - a revelation and encouragement to me.)

   I am continuing to learn and experience the benefits of self-care. The toughest obstacles I tend to face are guilt that I'm being selfish and struggling to feel worthy of self-care. I hope to continuously remind myself that my family and friends benefit when I care for my physical and mental health.

A Journey Through God's Faithfulness

Do you have an area in your life where you've seen God faithfully provide time after time? An area where you are confident that he will always meet your needs? I have one of those areas that I want to share with you. That area is employment.

It seems kind of funny that I have full confidence in God's ability to provide me with a job as I've spent the past five years as a SAHM. Though, truthfully, being at home is the job I wanted when I became a parent and I haven't had to find additional employment, so I can confidently say that he is still providing what is needed for me and my family through my husband's job.

My sweet kiddos

My very first job I worked at a berry farm for a week one summer while visiting my relatives. Two cousins and I spent Monday-Friday picking raspberries and blueberries. We were paid by the amount of berries we picked. It was an interesting job. I was probably late elementary, maybe middle school. I made about $50 for my efforts and was ecstatic. It was the most money I'd seen to date.

The summer after eighth grade my mom helped me get hired on at the Bed and Breakfast she worked. I worked several days per week cleaning rooms, basically whenever they needed me. I continued to work there during the school year on weekends and then in the summers again all throughout high school. I actually enjoyed the work because it was fairly solitary and routine. My best friend was hired on at some point so some days we cleaned rooms together which was also fun. It was a very positive first long-term job experience.

I was fortunate enough to earn a full-ride scholarship in college so I didn't have to work to pay bills or tuition. Toward the end of my junior year of college I was interested in finding an internship of some sort for the summer. I was interested in ministry but didn't have a definite direction. The pastor from my high school church offered me a part-time position to come work for him in the church during the summer and I gladly accepted.

Mission Trip (I'm in the gray sweatshirt on the left)

Since it was my old home town I knew a lot of people there. My best friend's mom offered to let me live at their house for the summer (my parents had moved away) so I was blessed with free housing. She worked at the court house and said that they needed someone to work there part-time during the summer while one of the staff was out and asked if I was interested. That summer I ended up working two part-time jobs in the same city. I spent my mornings at church and my afternoons at the court house. I learned a lot from both roles and know that it was God's provision for the timing and opportunities.

Mrs. P, my second mom

I graduated from college in December and was debating whether or not to apply to graduate school. The idea of having a student loan terrified me but I thought I needed a master's to be able to do any relevant work with my Bachelor's in Psychology. Most programs didn't start until the fall so I thought it would be beneficial to find a job while preparing grad school applications and figuring out exactly what I wanted to do.

I started applying for some church ministry positions in January. I applied for a youth pastor position at a local church. (I have no idea why I thought that would be a good fit for me - probably because I enjoyed working with the other young women in my church ministry and had been a chaperone on three or four youth mission trips with my old church.) I was called for an interview and decided I should start visiting/attending the church to see if it was a good fit for me.

On my second Sunday at the church someone introduced himself to me and somehow we got on the topic of my job search. When he heard I had a Psychology degree he introduced me to the pastor's wife and we set up a brunch meeting (very weird to look back on - some would say a myriad of coincidences but I know it was God's provision). When the woman and I met she suggested I look into residential group home programs for troubled teens. She thought my degree would be useful. I ended up not being offered the youth pastor position but I did look into the group homes. I looked at several similar programs in NC and VA.

I interviewed for a program in VA that was a residential group home where the youth and counselors lived outdoors year-round. Very intriguing but I wasn't sure my cold-natured self could survive the colder months (I helped serve meals outside in downtown Raleigh in January and my toes were extremely numb and super cold to the touch when I arrived back home) and it required a two-year commitment. In February I received an offer for the outdoor counselor job but ended up turning it down (the biggest reason being I wouldn't have been able to attend church while holding that position and I thought regular church attendance was important for my faith). I remember thinking that my parents probably thought I was crazy for turning down a job when I didn't have one or any other definite prospects but I had prayed about it and was confident that it was not right for me so I continued to search and trust God.

I decided to also look for local part-time work while I searched for something full-time and filled out an application at Old Navy. I received a call to come in and interview. I apparently did well with the interview (though I'm sure they were wondering why someone with a newly minted college degree wanted a part-time job) and they offered me a job in logistics (sorting and putting out inventory). I really enjoyed the job. I like order and neatness and a minimum sales role and it met those criteria. I enjoyed the other people I worked with as well as the quiet, early morning hours. It was a fun experience.

While working at Old Navy I continued to seek full-time employment (by this time I had decided that maybe grad school was not right for me at this time). I found a group home program in my city called Methodist Home for Children and decided to apply for a Resident Counselor position. During the summer I received a call to come interview for the position. The interview was near Burlington, about 50 minutes from Raleigh. I went for the interview and felt like I did well.

Toward the end of summer I felt led to quit my job at Old Navy. I had been enjoying it and didn't have any other offers but I chose to trust God and put in my two weeks' notice. During my last two weeks I received an offer to work for MHC. They said they didn't know whether I would work at the Raleigh home or the Burlington home but they'd let me know at training (I was living in Raleigh). I accepted and looked forward to the training in a few weeks. At training I learned I would be based in Raleigh but I did end up working a few shifts in Burlington and one in Durham.

The turnover rate for a Resident Counselor was pretty high as it is a very emotionally and mentally stressful job. The average counselor lasted six months. When I started working I knew I could only work for about eleven months (I became engaged between accepting the offer and starting training), as I was getting married and moving at the end of July the following year, so it seemed like a challenge to beat the average.

They were not kidding about the stress and learning curve of the job. While working at MHC I became sick from mono for the second time in my life (they say you can only have it once, but I showed them!). I ended up working there until May (nine months). I enjoyed most of the people I worked with and learned a lot from the experience. I'm hoping it prepared me well for when I have my own teenagers living in the house.

I moved to Georgia in August after I got married and tried to settle in to married life, a new church and finding new friends. I spent a few months learning my way around and working on my culinary skills. In the fall I decided it was probably time to look for a job. I applied to a bunch of different job positions I found online. I visited a temp agency to try to find work that way. In December I had an interview with a local university to work in their department that contacts alumni about financial donations. The first interview went splendidly well and I was called for a second one. The next interview I felt like a deer in headlights. I was not prepared for being interviewed by six people and had not done my research on the department. I assume I didn't get the job as they never called me back to let me know either way.

In January I went to a luncheon for people interested in helping with the youth at church. I sat next to a woman and we somehow talked about my job search and what I was looking for. She told me to send me a resume because she was thinking about quitting her current job and thought I might be a good fit for a replacement. So I did. The program director called me to invite me to come in for an interview for the position. I used my experience from the last interview process to read up on the company and position and prepare myself. I felt pretty good after the interview process and was offered the job.

Some of my former co-workers

I started the job the same week we bought our first house (which would place me 30 minutes closer to my new job from the apartment we had been living in). I really enjoyed my new co-workers. I felt like the company and my role were beneficial to others. I worked as a Parent Counselor at a Child Care Resource & Referral Agency and spent my time helping parents find local quality child care that met their needs.

Toward the end of my second year at the company I was beginning to feel stressed about my job. The reporting requirements changed several times which was confusing and there was discussion of moving my position to downtown Atlanta. In my church small group one evening I shared my stress with work during prayer requests. Our group leader, who was also our church pastor, called me a couple of weeks later and asked if I might be interested in working part-time as the admin for the church. I was excited at the prospect but wanted to discuss it with my husband and pray.

We had begun the discussion of starting a family and the plan was for me to stay home with our children when that time came. I thought moving to part-time would help us to move toward the goal of living off of just my husband's income. Others suggested we just save all of my current paycheck but I knew a gradual step down would be more helpful for us and we could work on saving all of my new paycheck. So I accepted the offer and started working at the church.

A fun group to work with (and a complete opposite male/female balance from my previous job)

I loved working in the church office doing administrative things and whatever else was asked of me. I enjoyed spending time with the pastors and having opportunities to go to conferences like Catalyst. During my first year of working at the church I became pregnant. My boss mentioned to me that he wanted me to go to a conference at the end of April the following year and I said I didn't know if I could make it. He first thought I was quitting but was excited to learn it was just close to my due date.

My (wonderful and compassionate) pastor told me that I could bring my baby in to work with me in order to be able to keep working for the church. I decided to try it out. It worked okay for awhile but as my daughter grew, the work schedule began hindering her naps so I chose to quit and officially stay home full-time when she was seven months old. I was very sad to end that job as it had been my favorite work environment and experience to date.

My adorable office companion

Well, there's the majority of my work history (minus random odd jobs and babysitting). It is so amazing to see all of the ways God led and provided for me. The orchestrations of meeting specific people still blow my mind. Whenever I think about how trustworthy God has been in this area of my life, I am inspired and encouraged to trust him in all of the other areas.


So, now it's your turn. Where do you feel God has been most faithful and trustworthy in your life? I'd love to hear and be inspired by your story!

Admitting My Need

I have considered myself to be very independent which I thought was a pretty good thing for quite awhile. Parents all seem to want to raise kids who are self-sufficient, productive members of society. But I think you can get to a point where it's almost a source of pride that you don't really need anything from anyone. And also a lie.

My little snow island

Thinking I have gotten to where I am on my own is not true. I may have put in hard work, but I had loving, caring parents who provided for my needs, provided many opportunities and advantages that others may not receive and encouraged me throughout my life. There's no way I'd be where I am without them. And there have been quite a few people who have encouraged me and helped me and shaped who I am as I have grown up. I will never know just how much others have influenced who I have become.

More recently I have been struggling with not feeling like I have many ties to where I'm living. I've lived my whole married life away from my parents and in-laws. My husband and I thought it was a good thing early on because it allowed us to establish our relationship away from the influence of family. We were able to set a solid foundation for our new little family of two. And I do think it was beneficial to help us learn more about one another and ourselves and grow together.

As we've gotten older and added children into the family, the lack of local family support has been noticed and missed. We wish our kids would be able to spend more frequent time with their grandparents and cousins. Selfishly, we wish we had the opportunity for free babysitting.

I was reading Prayer by Richard Foster yesterday and in the chapter it talked about praying to relinquish our self-sufficiency. I realized that I do tend to operate in the mindset of self-sufficiency which isn't necessarily a good thing. I have been used to being away from family (I didn't live close to extended family as a child and have not lived near my parents since I graduated high school) but I sometimes have mistaken my experience as proof of self-sufficiency. Just because I am not able to be near them does not mean I do not need them.

Likewise, just because I do not have something does not mean it is not beneficial and something I might truly need. In an effort to combat my misguided thinking I thought it would help me to acknowledge people and relationships I do need and their benefits. Here we go.

I need my husband. Practically, he is the one who has blessed me with the opportunity to be at home with my kids. He is responsible for all of our basic necessities (thinking about it reminds me of how daunting that may feel at times for him). He does such an excellent job of providing for us. I know I could not fulfill his responsibilities. I need my husband for encouragement and support - in personal endeavors but most especially in parenting. We make a great team and our family would be sorely lacking without him. I need him for physical comfort and affection. I cherish his hugs and kisses. I need him for emotional comfort and support as well. He offers such wise advice and can see things in  situations I cannot at times.

I need my children. They made me a mother. They have caused me to do a lot of personal growing, the most extraordinary being the growing of sacrifice and service. Being responsible of the needs of others rubs on your selfishness and helps it to diminish some. I need their love, smiles, hugs, kisses and belly laughs. I need them so that I can experience life through a child's eyes and perhaps focus once again on what is important rather than all of the distractions of the world. I love seeing them learn and grow in abilities. It is amazing.

I need my family. I need the love and acceptance that is found there. (I know there are people who do not have safe families where they experience these things.) I need my encouragers who are always in my corner, always for me, always proud of me. I need the connection of shared experiences and inside jokes (even the ones that embarrass me).

I need God. He is woven in and through all of these and I know that he is for me and always with me. I love the way he reveals a little more of himself to me as I consistently draw near to him. Just last week I heard afresh the truth that God created me for him. He is constantly surprising me with little reminders of his love though I do not always recognize them. I need God to continue to work in my heart, to remove the selfishness and judgment and lack of love that can be found there. I need him to lavish his grace and forgiveness on me so that I do not despair when I am confronted with my sinfulness. I need Jesus who rescued me from death and darkness and has filled me with hope.

I need friends. Good, close friends. I was thinking today about how my kids could potentially have life-long friends. People they've known since they could walk. Neither my husband and I have friends like that. We moved several times and so our young relationships were severed and new ones created. Not that we haven't been able to establish strong relationships, just that we cannot relate to decades-long friendships (I do have a couple middle school friends I still keep in touch with and that spans nearly twenty years now but nothing earlier than that).

I feel I have struggled most in this area. I am an introvert so I yearn for a few deep relationships. Surface acquaintances do not renew or restore me. I have been blessed through the years to have found some of these relationships. My struggle is that they seem hard to maintain and my track record shows that they are usually severed when someone moves. I have accepted this as a fact of life but it doesn't make it any easier to move on and try again. I also realize some relationships have seasons.

I realized recently that sometimes I don't admit that I desire good friends. I think I pretend that it doesn't bother me that not many people reach out to me so that I won't feel as bad about it. But it is hard to do most of the initiating. Sometimes you want others to reach out so you know the friendship is important to them too. That you matter to them. We all want to be important and valuable. We want others to find us worthy of their time.

In my heart I know that God knows what I need. I know that he can provide me with amazing, honest, deep, vulnerable friendship. And I trust that he will provide me with what I need when I need it. I also think that he wants me to bring my longings to him. He wants me to seek him above people. He created me and knows what is in store for me. I trust him.

Image courtesy of tiramisustudio at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I was reminded of his love for me and the truth that he can provide friendships at any time this morning. I have been wrestling with a bit of loneliness the past couple of days. I prayed that I knew God is faithful and has the power to provide. This morning at church a woman told me that she was wanting to focus more on people this year and would like to get together sometime to talk. I knew this was God's confirmation of what I already knew to be true. I don't know whether we will actually set aside time to get together (I'd love to but, you know, life) but I won't be as bummed if there's no follow through because I have confidence in God and his faithfulness.

So that's the truth. I need people and relationships. What about you? Is there anything you try to pretend you don't need simply because you don't have it right now?

Achievable New Year's Resolutions

   Last year I chose to make a goal (a New Year's Resolution, if you will) that was clearly defined, achievable and also somewhat enjoyable. I decided to make one new dessert recipe each month, twelve in all. It turned out to be pretty delicious! It was fun trying to decide what to make. Some months I tried to fit it with the general theme of that month - pumpkin whoopie pies in October (yummy!) and a green key lime pound cake in March (eh). They weren't all hits and sometimes I was scrambling at the end of the month to get one made, but I also learned how to make homemade whipped cream and found some keepers.

January: Glazed Lemon Cakes (yum!)

   This year I decided to choose a goal that also fit somewhere in my wheelhouse but could also benefit more than just my household. I like to write and I enjoy keeping up with friends and family. I chose 2015 to be the year I write (and mail) a handwritten note to everyone in my address book. As I was sending out Christmas cards in 2014 I realized that for quite a few people in my book it was my only communication with them and I found that rather sad. I'm changing that this year and we'll see what happens. Perhaps someone will respond and we'll resume semi-regular correspondence.

   So if you don't get a card from me by Jan. 6, 2016 (because if I am scrambling at the end of the year and don't get them into my mailbox until Dec. 31st it'll take a few days to get to the recipient), that means you aren't on of the 90 people/families in my address book. You are always welcome to send me your address to remedy this unfortunate circumstance.


  Have you set any goals lately? Do you set parameters that let you know if/when you achieve them? Are they realistic goals and/or parameters? Does fear of failure keep you from setting goals? Have you kept any New Year's Resolutions/goals from years past? I would love to hear about it!

Three Hard Words

"When was the last time you said, 'I need help' to someone?"

Image courtesy of kateen2528 at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

This question was posed to me this morning. I could not recall the last time I admitted a need of assistance from someone, not even my husband. For some reason I prefer to pretend that I am self-sufficient. I think part of me feels like I need to do everything myself because of my SAHM title. I'm sure my husband would rather me ask him to help with tasks rather than have a stressed, scattered, tired wife. 

Most people are more than willing to help when asked. I need to change my mindset and realize that life is much more enjoyable with others rather than pretending to live on an island. I lament not having family close by but fail to invite friends to become my local body of support. 

I do ask God for help but it's not asking him to bring helpers to me. Often it's asking him to give me the ability to keep working independently or to be a help to others. Obviously I need to learn how to ask for help and accept offers of help from others. There's nothing wrong with showing vulnerability or admitting I don't always have it all together.

So here's a request for help. How does one change an independent, self-sufficient mindset? Do I seek opportunities to include others in everyday tasks? Do I say yes to more/most offers of assistance? Has anyone else struggled with this and been able to find success/freedom in this area?