The Word of the Year

  The beginning of a new year is often a flurry of activity for many people: resolutions and goals, reflecting on the past year, planning out the year ahead. In the past several years I have become aware of a large segment of people having a word of the year - a word that tells what they hope the year will bring, perhaps something to remind them of their focus and goals. It seems to have brought meaning to a lot of people.

  This year I thought it would be neat to have a word and see how it applies to my life throughout the year. Last year I felt God was asking me to TRUST and REST and so I was learning to live in those two words, though it wasn't something I set about working on.

  I don't really know how most people choose a word. I pondered something that would encompass an area I desired to grow in. At first I thought BELOVED would be good so that I could learn to be secure in the identity I have in Christ. I was praying about it in the early hours of the new year as I was trying to fall asleep. The word TRUTH stood out in my mind. It doesn't seem like a typical word - there's no real action to be taken (like COURAGE or BRAVE or UNSTOPPABLE). It seems kind of "eh". So I prayed God, is this what you'd like me to focus on this year? Is this my focus for the year - truth? And I think it is.

  I am quickly warming up to the word TRUTH. I am looking forward to studying the word, mainly in scripture. I know that God's word is truth. Jesus says that he is the truth. I am looking forward to really digging into truth. I know our society likes to say that truth is relative, that there is no absolute truth, that each person makes their own truth. I don't really agree with that so I am excited to set down some truth for me to anchor myself to and have firm footing.

  In addition to studying TRUTH in scripture, I think I am also supposed to work on speaking TRUTH (in love, of course). I have been a people pleaser for years, the underlying fear being rejection. I have been learning that I have an everlasting love in Christ so I do not need to fear being rejected by people. I will always be loved and accepted and valued in Jesus. So I would like to be more true to myself - honest about my thoughts, likes, dislikes, desires. I don't want to temper enthusiasm for fear of the buzz kills out there. I want to be able to express joy and disappointment and anticipation and not worry about what others may think or say.

  I am excited for the year ahead and excited to see what is in store. I know many people also choose a Bible verse for their year. I wonder if it's related to their word. It's probably a hope or reminder as well. I would like to do this, but I think I will wait for one to emerge from my study of truth in scripture.

Do you have a special word or verse for 2017? I'd love to hear what it is!

Wrestling with Loneliness

I was thinking recently about the changes in my life over the past year. The first four months of the year were very busy and scheduled. I remember thinking that if I had a lot of activity it would get rid of my feelings of loneliness. It obviously didn’t because I wrote several posts about feeling lonely. Reading Jennie Allen’s book Nothing to Prove recently helped me to see that keeping a full schedule was the way I tried to numb myself from feeling lonely. I thought if I had a lot going on, I wouldn’t have time to be lonely. The only thing it did was keep me from facing my loneliness, allowing it to grow deeper while I kept it pushed back into a dark corner.

Being honest and admitting my loneliness was a good first step. But I was trying to find an external reason for my loneliness. I believed the lies that there was something wrong with me keeping others from inviting me to do things, that I was too much or not enough or just too normal/boring to be noticed. At one point I thought that maybe if my family had some huge issue or need, then people would see us, see my loneliness, and do something about it.

In May, God asked me to trust him with my loneliness. He asked me to set down my impulse to schedule things with people and allow him the opportunity to meet my need for connection and community. I set aside the month to see what God would do. I was pleasantly surprised to receive a few invitations from others. Not as many as I would like (I think I was still trying to stay busy to numb my feelings), but what I needed to be reminded that he is faithful and he cares about and for me.

I chose to continue to pare back my schedule over the summer and fall months. I have enjoyed not being so busy or rushed this fall. It has allowed me some spontaneous engagements and more time at home with family. I am also being reminded through this process that my worth is not determined by my accomplishments or achievements. I have often felt like doing less meant being lazy. But we need rest and refreshment and refusing to make time for both of those is not being a good steward of my body and health.

I am choosing to trust that there is a purpose in all of this. I have no idea what the big picture is, but I am enjoying the small things I am learning and the ways I am changing and growing. No, I don’t enjoy the waves of loneliness I feel but I am learning to turn toward God rather than away, which is my enemy’s goal.

Recently, my mentor and I talked about my struggle with loneliness. I was telling her what had been going on with our family and she noted that I have had a good amount of social engagement recently. I admitted that it’s not very challenging to get together with others. My frustration tends to stem from feeling that I have to shoulder the responsibility of organizing events and people. I wonder if it’s the enemy twisting my perspective to keep me from having community. Yes, I may have to ask people to do things with us, but most of the time I receive an affirmative which should be a sign that my company is enjoyable. And what’s wrong with being the organizer (as long as it is not completely draining)?

My mentor had more positive thoughts about my struggle. Perhaps the acute feeling of loneliness exists inside me in order to prompt me to reach out to others who may also be experiencing loneliness. I notice that not many people seem to invite others and perhaps they are too busy or also hearing internally that their presence is not desired or are fearful that their invitation will be rejected. Perhaps this thing that I lament can be the impetus that leads me to the community I so desire.

I have a friend who has organized her own birthday gatherings the past two years. She said she loved spending time with friends and would be disappointed on birthdays when she didn’t engage with others. She thought, Why not be in charge of my birthday agenda and invite my friends? It’s what I want and I know it’s worth it to put forth the effort.

This should probably be my perspective. And it is, sometimes. This spring I think I was just worn out and coming out of a season of too much work and not enough rest.

I am still swinging back and forth between trusting God and feeling contentment, and feeling lonely and left out. Perhaps this will always be a cycle for me. At least I know that God will always be with me and is able to provide peace and encouragement. I will place my hope in the belief that good will come from all of this and it will be to God’s glory.

Forget the Clock: Learning to Rest in God

  The theme of this year for me has been trust and rest. I am not good at either of those, it seems. And they are definitely intertwined in my life. I struggle a lot with feeling that I always must be productive, always working and doing something. I seem to equate resting with being lazy. Yet God commands us to rest. He demonstrated this concept for us by resting himself after six days of work. Jesus took breaks from his ministry. He slept, he stole away from people to rest and recharge. Our bodies are not made to work indefinitely without rest, certainly not at top functioning capacity.

  I had recently been feeling frazzled and overwhelmed (two major signs that I am in need of rest). I know it was because I had allowed my schedule to become too crowded for rest, quiet and refreshment (as an introvert, times of quiet are very important). I have been trying to acquire a more relaxed, unhurried rhythm to life and my schedule but my desire to be productive and to accomplish has been steadily creeping back in, especially as we approach the holidays. (I think we all associate the holidays with a flurry of busyness and lots of extra activities, but who says we have to accept every opportunity and get swept up in the craziness? Who says November and December have to feel rushed and demanding instead of peaceful and joy-filled? We can slow down or remain steady and continue to maintain breathing room in our days and weeks. We can have a simple, pleasant season if we are mindful about what is truly needed and important.)

  I decided two days ago that I would spend all of my free morning the next day while both kids were in school focusing on my spiritual health and drawing closer to God. (Usually on Mondays I go to a yoga class I love, but last week I went to a different one on Wednesday that I enjoyed almost as much and decided afterward that it could be an acceptable substitute for Monday's class if I ever needed more flexibility in my routine. This made it infinitely easier to not go to this morning's class and instead be able to follow through with the idea of a spiritual health day.) Before I took J to preschool I prepared the front room (my chosen space) by putting my Immanuel/Gratitude Journal, other notebooks, the Bible and Jennie Allen's Nothing to Prove book near my chosen seat.

  I dropped J off and returned home, heading immediately to my red couch. I started by doing a brain dump of everything swirling in my mind onto a notebook page (mainly my to-do list). When I was finished, I meditated for a few minutes using an exercise to help me focus and relax - taking some deep breaths and then checking in to all five senses (what I could see, hear, feel, taste and smell). Then it was on to writing in my Immanuel/Gratitude Journal which I love. This exercise always helps reveal things in my heart I may not have realized. And, of course, this is where things took a turn away from my planned, productive morning with God (as is usually the case when truly meeting with God). While journaling, God showed me that I am still too busy and failing to rest, evidenced by the fact that I had created quite an agenda for my morning. He cited my to-do list and the stack of notebooks and books as proof that I struggle so much with resting. Below is an excerpt.

I appreciate your effort though you are still focusing too much on doing and not enough on just being and resting in my presence. You work too much. Rest more...Trust that any and all time with me is wisely used even if it doesn't check anything off of the to-do list...You feel pressure to constantly be doing but that is not from me. I invite you to come and rest. The enemy wants you to be too busy to love and serve, too overwhelmed and exhausted to be kind and generous and patient and present. Don't fall into his trap of busyness and performing to receive approval. You already have my approval...I am glad to teach you the unhurried rhythm of grace. Be content just to be with me...Trust me. Trust my ways...I can do something about your fear. You don't have to hurry through your day. Resting does not make you lazy. The world will not fall apart. I rested to show you that it is good and necessary. You do not have an endless supply of energy. Recharging is necessary; it's how I made you. I made you to be insufficient, to be not enough so you would see your need to depend on me and so that my power can be seen through you.

  I want to use my time wisely and he reminded me that no time with him is wasted even if my to-do list remains undone. I have long struggled with being able to just rest and do nothing. I am driven by the clock and my to-do list and desire for accomplishment. It was convicting and encouraging to have God remind me that he sees me, he sees my striving, and he can give me true peace and rest if I will trust him and surrender in obedience.

  As my Immanuel Journaling time was winding down I was beginning to yawn and feel sleepy, relaxed even. The following internal dialogue occurred:

          Me 1: Perhaps, I do need some real, physical rest.
          Me 2: No, that's a waste of time.
          Me 1: Perhaps this is an opportunity to trust God and be obedient.
          Me 2: Well, perhaps. If it's a short one. Can God guarantee it'll only be about twenty minutes?
                     There are things to be done!
          Me 1: No, God is not negotiating. He is simply asking me to exercise faith and trust.
                     Okay, God, make this time holy.

  So I managed to not look at my watch (miracle of miracles!) before I curled up on the little red couch I was sitting on and closed my eyes. I drifted in and out of consciousness, praying some, listening a bit to the sounds of the house. After awhile, my brain kicked back on more alert than before and I wondered how much time had passed. I was more easily able to avoid looking at my watch because it wouldn't be able to tell me anything useful. I decided the best thing would be to ignore clocks for the remainder of my morning and let my phone alarm alert me to when it was time to end my quiet morning and pick J up from preschool.

  I really need to become more relaxed with time. It's a compulsion to know what time it is or how much time remains before the next activity on the schedule. I should just sent alarms for the important things and not worry about exact time. Instead I use known time to try to squeeze in as much as I can. I can't relax because I am waiting for time to signal the next thing. In fact, before I started my spiritual time this morning, I thought perhaps I would get it all knocked out with enough time to do several things on my to-do list. It's an unhealthy habit and mindset. It keeps me from being fully present where and with who I am and cuts down on peace, rest and enjoyment of life.

  I loved our fall break at the beach when I kept my watch in a drawer for the week and just enjoyed where I was and what I was doing with minimal regard for time. It was glorious and I wish I could live like that all of the time. Perhaps there's something in between that's still healthy and would improve my quality of life.

Trust and Rest: The Current Themes of My Life

  A few months ago I was introduced to interactive prayer journaling (found in the book Joyful Journey: Listening to Immanuel by E. James Wilder, Anna Kang, John Loppnow and Sungshim Loppnow). I have journaled my prayers for many years but a friend of mine said that this particular style helped her to really hear what God wanted to share with her. I am terrible at sitting in silent meditation trying to hear from God. My mind is forever wandering to my to-do list or something in the room that is distracting. Her declaration that she received clearer communication with God peaked my interest.

  I received the instructions and chose a day to try it out. I wrote a short prayer of gratitude to God. I was then to invite him to respond to my gratitude, writing down what I felt he was saying. I then had five prompts that I was to ask God to finish and record his responses. At the end of the exercise, I was to read out loud all that I had written.

  The whole process took between five and ten minutes. It felt very weird. I tried to write down whatever came into my head. I was a little skeptical/hesitant to declare that they were God's words to me, rather than my words to myself. However, if you're anything like me, you're not always very kind, positive or encouraging in your inner monologue. The things I wrote down were kind, compassionate, honest, truthful and loving. Reading the words was so encouraging and comforting.

  God cut to the chase and reminded me that he knows what is going on in my life and what matters to me. I received clarity, comfort, wisdom and a feeling of being truly known. As I have continued to practice this form of prayer, it has become less weird. It has grown to be one of my favorite ways of spending time with God.

  Two common themes have emerged through these prayer times. The first theme is God has been asking me to trust him. He has reminded me that he is faithful and has a good purpose for my life. I am an independent person and try to do and figure everything out on my own. I am not good at delegating to others because I worry that it will not be completed the way I would like it. I'm a bit of a control freak, you could say. God's constant reminder of faithfulness is helping me to open up to allowing him to guide me and to trust in his provision for various areas of my life.

  The other major theme has been encouraging me to rest. I am a go-getter and don't like to be idle when there are plenty of things that can be done (it's probably tied to my independent/controlling nature). I am the initiator of many of my get togethers with other people which has been draining lately. I tend to do housework during QRT (Quiet Room Time for my children) rather than use the time to rest and refresh myself. A wise person helped me to see how important this time is for me in order to be the wife/mom/person I need to be the rest of the day. Not using my little bit of daily free time wisely is noticeable in my attitude (specifically my patience levels).

  I feel like there is a reason for God's desire for me to rest right now and over the summer in addition to the benefits of a daily rest time. I am trusting God to provide the social interactions I need which is a huge deal for me - it's quite a stretch for me and I was quite tempted to make something happen the first few weeks. I tried to manipulate my agreement (which was to not do any inviting for the month of May). Instead I am working on trusting God completely.

  May was a very busy month because of the end of school and having our first trip away from home for the year. I am glad that I did not try to cram more things into the month. God was faithful in providing social invitations and activities. It almost seemed like he was showing off to me. Now that it's June, I don't feel like I am on a strict ban from inviting but I have seen the blessings of having space in our schedule so I want to be wiser in scheduling things and our time. Even though it's summer, we already had a number of commitments scheduled.

  I am definitely continuing to grow in both trusting God and resting well/wisely. I hope that I can continue to give things over to God in trust and rest confidently in the faith that he will continue to provide what is needed when it is needed.

A Journey Through God's Faithfulness

Do you have an area in your life where you've seen God faithfully provide time after time? An area where you are confident that he will always meet your needs? I have one of those areas that I want to share with you. That area is employment.

It seems kind of funny that I have full confidence in God's ability to provide me with a job as I've spent the past five years as a SAHM. Though, truthfully, being at home is the job I wanted when I became a parent and I haven't had to find additional employment, so I can confidently say that he is still providing what is needed for me and my family through my husband's job.

My sweet kiddos

My very first job I worked at a berry farm for a week one summer while visiting my relatives. Two cousins and I spent Monday-Friday picking raspberries and blueberries. We were paid by the amount of berries we picked. It was an interesting job. I was probably late elementary, maybe middle school. I made about $50 for my efforts and was ecstatic. It was the most money I'd seen to date.

The summer after eighth grade my mom helped me get hired on at the Bed and Breakfast she worked. I worked several days per week cleaning rooms, basically whenever they needed me. I continued to work there during the school year on weekends and then in the summers again all throughout high school. I actually enjoyed the work because it was fairly solitary and routine. My best friend was hired on at some point so some days we cleaned rooms together which was also fun. It was a very positive first long-term job experience.

I was fortunate enough to earn a full-ride scholarship in college so I didn't have to work to pay bills or tuition. Toward the end of my junior year of college I was interested in finding an internship of some sort for the summer. I was interested in ministry but didn't have a definite direction. The pastor from my high school church offered me a part-time position to come work for him in the church during the summer and I gladly accepted.

Mission Trip (I'm in the gray sweatshirt on the left)

Since it was my old home town I knew a lot of people there. My best friend's mom offered to let me live at their house for the summer (my parents had moved away) so I was blessed with free housing. She worked at the court house and said that they needed someone to work there part-time during the summer while one of the staff was out and asked if I was interested. That summer I ended up working two part-time jobs in the same city. I spent my mornings at church and my afternoons at the court house. I learned a lot from both roles and know that it was God's provision for the timing and opportunities.

Mrs. P, my second mom

I graduated from college in December and was debating whether or not to apply to graduate school. The idea of having a student loan terrified me but I thought I needed a master's to be able to do any relevant work with my Bachelor's in Psychology. Most programs didn't start until the fall so I thought it would be beneficial to find a job while preparing grad school applications and figuring out exactly what I wanted to do.

I started applying for some church ministry positions in January. I applied for a youth pastor position at a local church. (I have no idea why I thought that would be a good fit for me - probably because I enjoyed working with the other young women in my church ministry and had been a chaperone on three or four youth mission trips with my old church.) I was called for an interview and decided I should start visiting/attending the church to see if it was a good fit for me.

On my second Sunday at the church someone introduced himself to me and somehow we got on the topic of my job search. When he heard I had a Psychology degree he introduced me to the pastor's wife and we set up a brunch meeting (very weird to look back on - some would say a myriad of coincidences but I know it was God's provision). When the woman and I met she suggested I look into residential group home programs for troubled teens. She thought my degree would be useful. I ended up not being offered the youth pastor position but I did look into the group homes. I looked at several similar programs in NC and VA.

I interviewed for a program in VA that was a residential group home where the youth and counselors lived outdoors year-round. Very intriguing but I wasn't sure my cold-natured self could survive the colder months (I helped serve meals outside in downtown Raleigh in January and my toes were extremely numb and super cold to the touch when I arrived back home) and it required a two-year commitment. In February I received an offer for the outdoor counselor job but ended up turning it down (the biggest reason being I wouldn't have been able to attend church while holding that position and I thought regular church attendance was important for my faith). I remember thinking that my parents probably thought I was crazy for turning down a job when I didn't have one or any other definite prospects but I had prayed about it and was confident that it was not right for me so I continued to search and trust God.

I decided to also look for local part-time work while I searched for something full-time and filled out an application at Old Navy. I received a call to come in and interview. I apparently did well with the interview (though I'm sure they were wondering why someone with a newly minted college degree wanted a part-time job) and they offered me a job in logistics (sorting and putting out inventory). I really enjoyed the job. I like order and neatness and a minimum sales role and it met those criteria. I enjoyed the other people I worked with as well as the quiet, early morning hours. It was a fun experience.

While working at Old Navy I continued to seek full-time employment (by this time I had decided that maybe grad school was not right for me at this time). I found a group home program in my city called Methodist Home for Children and decided to apply for a Resident Counselor position. During the summer I received a call to come interview for the position. The interview was near Burlington, about 50 minutes from Raleigh. I went for the interview and felt like I did well.

Toward the end of summer I felt led to quit my job at Old Navy. I had been enjoying it and didn't have any other offers but I chose to trust God and put in my two weeks' notice. During my last two weeks I received an offer to work for MHC. They said they didn't know whether I would work at the Raleigh home or the Burlington home but they'd let me know at training (I was living in Raleigh). I accepted and looked forward to the training in a few weeks. At training I learned I would be based in Raleigh but I did end up working a few shifts in Burlington and one in Durham.

The turnover rate for a Resident Counselor was pretty high as it is a very emotionally and mentally stressful job. The average counselor lasted six months. When I started working I knew I could only work for about eleven months (I became engaged between accepting the offer and starting training), as I was getting married and moving at the end of July the following year, so it seemed like a challenge to beat the average.

They were not kidding about the stress and learning curve of the job. While working at MHC I became sick from mono for the second time in my life (they say you can only have it once, but I showed them!). I ended up working there until May (nine months). I enjoyed most of the people I worked with and learned a lot from the experience. I'm hoping it prepared me well for when I have my own teenagers living in the house.

I moved to Georgia in August after I got married and tried to settle in to married life, a new church and finding new friends. I spent a few months learning my way around and working on my culinary skills. In the fall I decided it was probably time to look for a job. I applied to a bunch of different job positions I found online. I visited a temp agency to try to find work that way. In December I had an interview with a local university to work in their department that contacts alumni about financial donations. The first interview went splendidly well and I was called for a second one. The next interview I felt like a deer in headlights. I was not prepared for being interviewed by six people and had not done my research on the department. I assume I didn't get the job as they never called me back to let me know either way.

In January I went to a luncheon for people interested in helping with the youth at church. I sat next to a woman and we somehow talked about my job search and what I was looking for. She told me to send me a resume because she was thinking about quitting her current job and thought I might be a good fit for a replacement. So I did. The program director called me to invite me to come in for an interview for the position. I used my experience from the last interview process to read up on the company and position and prepare myself. I felt pretty good after the interview process and was offered the job.

Some of my former co-workers

I started the job the same week we bought our first house (which would place me 30 minutes closer to my new job from the apartment we had been living in). I really enjoyed my new co-workers. I felt like the company and my role were beneficial to others. I worked as a Parent Counselor at a Child Care Resource & Referral Agency and spent my time helping parents find local quality child care that met their needs.

Toward the end of my second year at the company I was beginning to feel stressed about my job. The reporting requirements changed several times which was confusing and there was discussion of moving my position to downtown Atlanta. In my church small group one evening I shared my stress with work during prayer requests. Our group leader, who was also our church pastor, called me a couple of weeks later and asked if I might be interested in working part-time as the admin for the church. I was excited at the prospect but wanted to discuss it with my husband and pray.

We had begun the discussion of starting a family and the plan was for me to stay home with our children when that time came. I thought moving to part-time would help us to move toward the goal of living off of just my husband's income. Others suggested we just save all of my current paycheck but I knew a gradual step down would be more helpful for us and we could work on saving all of my new paycheck. So I accepted the offer and started working at the church.

A fun group to work with (and a complete opposite male/female balance from my previous job)

I loved working in the church office doing administrative things and whatever else was asked of me. I enjoyed spending time with the pastors and having opportunities to go to conferences like Catalyst. During my first year of working at the church I became pregnant. My boss mentioned to me that he wanted me to go to a conference at the end of April the following year and I said I didn't know if I could make it. He first thought I was quitting but was excited to learn it was just close to my due date.

My (wonderful and compassionate) pastor told me that I could bring my baby in to work with me in order to be able to keep working for the church. I decided to try it out. It worked okay for awhile but as my daughter grew, the work schedule began hindering her naps so I chose to quit and officially stay home full-time when she was seven months old. I was very sad to end that job as it had been my favorite work environment and experience to date.

My adorable office companion

Well, there's the majority of my work history (minus random odd jobs and babysitting). It is so amazing to see all of the ways God led and provided for me. The orchestrations of meeting specific people still blow my mind. Whenever I think about how trustworthy God has been in this area of my life, I am inspired and encouraged to trust him in all of the other areas.


So, now it's your turn. Where do you feel God has been most faithful and trustworthy in your life? I'd love to hear and be inspired by your story!

Reassessing My Struggle

It hasn't even been a week and I already am more hopeful about the future and my relationships. Do I think there's a family-type community on the horizon for me? No, I don't. There could be but that's not where my hope is resting.

My hope is in the confidence that God is my provider and sustainer. While I don't have a lot of answers to my questions, I do not think that they are as important now. God has encouraged me these past few days. He has drawn me closer to himself as I've clung to him in prayer.

I know now that I struggle with control and wanting my will/agenda to be done (I knew that before but this was a glaring reminder). I need to be more flexible and accept that plans have to change sometimes. I dislike having to cancel but you can't always plan for illness or weather.

I also know that I should enjoy my relationships that I do have as they are, not as I wish they would be. I am blessed with people who enjoy spending time with me and make time for it in their schedules. I have relationships that allow me to share my heart, my struggles, my fears, my weaknesses. Not everyone does.

I have a husband who loves me. He is my partner-in-crime for the long haul and I need to be most vulnerable with him. He is for me and wants to know what's on my heart. I need to make sure I don't believe the lies our enemy tries to feed me about him not caring about the little things on my mind or not being a safe space for my truth.

Not really any earth-shaking revelations but I am thankful for a God who pursues, comforts, encourages and guides me. I hope to be open to whatever relationship the future holds, appreciate the ones I currently have and trust God with it all.

My Life Puzzle

Our church is in the middle of a three week series called Puzzled. The overarching theme is summed up in a key phrase: In your doubts of today, trust in His tomorrows.

On the first Sunday there was a puzzle piece in each seat to help us think about the message throughout the week. I picked up a puzzle peace that was two shades of blue. I chose the piece because blue is my favorite color and it would help me to think that, although I don't have a picture of what my life will look like when finished (because life doesn't have a box with a completed picture on it like most puzzles do), with God in charge it will look beautiful.

This Sunday I again had the thought that although I may not be able to see the whole picture, I can trust God that it will be beautiful. I only have to look at nature to see the creativity and beauty God is able to create. Then I thought that although a rainbow-hued picture may be beautiful, I really hope that when my life puzzle is complete it looks like this:

Image courtesy of zole4 at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. 1 Corinthians 13:12 (NLT)