The Word of the Year

  The beginning of a new year is often a flurry of activity for many people: resolutions and goals, reflecting on the past year, planning out the year ahead. In the past several years I have become aware of a large segment of people having a word of the year - a word that tells what they hope the year will bring, perhaps something to remind them of their focus and goals. It seems to have brought meaning to a lot of people.

  This year I thought it would be neat to have a word and see how it applies to my life throughout the year. Last year I felt God was asking me to TRUST and REST and so I was learning to live in those two words, though it wasn't something I set about working on.

  I don't really know how most people choose a word. I pondered something that would encompass an area I desired to grow in. At first I thought BELOVED would be good so that I could learn to be secure in the identity I have in Christ. I was praying about it in the early hours of the new year as I was trying to fall asleep. The word TRUTH stood out in my mind. It doesn't seem like a typical word - there's no real action to be taken (like COURAGE or BRAVE or UNSTOPPABLE). It seems kind of "eh". So I prayed God, is this what you'd like me to focus on this year? Is this my focus for the year - truth? And I think it is.

  I am quickly warming up to the word TRUTH. I am looking forward to studying the word, mainly in scripture. I know that God's word is truth. Jesus says that he is the truth. I am looking forward to really digging into truth. I know our society likes to say that truth is relative, that there is no absolute truth, that each person makes their own truth. I don't really agree with that so I am excited to set down some truth for me to anchor myself to and have firm footing.

  In addition to studying TRUTH in scripture, I think I am also supposed to work on speaking TRUTH (in love, of course). I have been a people pleaser for years, the underlying fear being rejection. I have been learning that I have an everlasting love in Christ so I do not need to fear being rejected by people. I will always be loved and accepted and valued in Jesus. So I would like to be more true to myself - honest about my thoughts, likes, dislikes, desires. I don't want to temper enthusiasm for fear of the buzz kills out there. I want to be able to express joy and disappointment and anticipation and not worry about what others may think or say.

  I am excited for the year ahead and excited to see what is in store. I know many people also choose a Bible verse for their year. I wonder if it's related to their word. It's probably a hope or reminder as well. I would like to do this, but I think I will wait for one to emerge from my study of truth in scripture.

Do you have a special word or verse for 2017? I'd love to hear what it is!

I Quit: Five Things I Want to Remove From My Life

  No one likes to be called a quitter. It has a decidedly negative connotation. It’s a word used to try to cajole others into continuing to persevere through a course of action. People continue on in an endeavor or commitment even when they might not think it the best decision for them because they fear being labeled a quitter. Why is quitting such a shameful thing?

  Sometimes quitting means realizing the futility of a specific task or path and choosing to go a different route. It’s admitting that there is nothing good to be had in continuing. There are a number of things that are good to quit: toxic relationships, unhealthy eating habits, lying, stealing, addiction, a job you hate that sucks the life out of you. In this context, quitting is a good, brave thing.

  There are some habits and thought patterns in my own life that I would be better off without. In these instances I believe quitting would be healthy and brave and beneficial. Today I want to share with you five things I’m going to work on quitting.

1)      Allowing fear to dictate my actions.

  I tend to overanalyze situations and decisions. I think about possible outcomes and the reaction that might come from them. I allow what someone might think or say about me to keep me from doing what I believe to be what is needed. What I need to do is be true to what I believe is right and not worry about how it might be received by others. I can’t control what others think or do and I shouldn’t allow a perceived reaction to hold me back.

  I also allow fear to keep me from taking steps toward accomplishing my goals and dreams. Part of the fear is criticism and rejection from others. The other part is negative self-talk that I am not qualified or smart enough or influential enough to write and publish an article or book. Who am I to think someone would pay for my thoughts and advice? If I never step out of my comfort zone and push through the fear, I won’t get to the satisfaction of trying and, perhaps, even succeeding. Fear wants to keep me ineffective. It wants to keep me from reaching out to others and perhaps encourage them with my words and experiences. What a shame if I allow fear to keep me immobilized.

2)      Trying to control everything about my life.

  I am a planner and scheduler. I like to know what’s going on in my daily/weekly schedule. I have tended to take the initiative to reach out to anyone I was interested in getting to know to set up a meeting or play date (depending on whether they have children). I have gotten overwhelmed, overscheduled, and burned out on a number of occasions. God has been working in me to learn to rest and to trust him with my life (schedules, relationships, etc). It’s still very much a work in progress but I have enjoyed a less structured, more leisurely schedule the past few months.

3)      Self-condemnation/negative self-talk.

  I’m sure many of us have that unkind voice inside of us that tells us that we are not enough. It likes to remind us of our flaws and failures. It tries to undermine our self-confidence. I believe it is related to perfectionistic tendencies. Something inside of us wants to be perfect and above reproach and we chastise ourselves when we show our humanness. I have struggled for years with my perfectionism. I am slowly accepting that it is not possible and I am only asked to show up and give what I have, whether that is much or little. If I approach each day open and willing to work diligently and with my whole heart, that’s the best I can do and it is enough.

4)      Pretending I have it all together.

  I think this kind of ties in with all of the above. I am afraid that if I show my flaws that I might be ridiculed or judged or rejected. Pretending I have no issues or needs is like a cocoon of protection. But just as it keeps hurt out, it also keeps love and acceptance from getting in as well. We all know no one is perfect but we like to act like we’re the only ones who have made mistakes or have scars from past experiences. I have learned that being open allows others to do the same and am working on putting down my self-protection front of pretending to be okay all of the time.

5)      Judging other people.

  I know that this is addressed in the Bible and is not a desirable trait but I still fall into this trap and it affects my attitude and words. I have read and know personally that we often judge others about things we know we struggle with as well. We tend to judge others to make ourselves feel better or more superior. However, judging doesn’t benefit anyone. It doesn’t improve my relationships with others. What I would prefer to do is to trust that everyone is doing the best they can. Everyone has a bad day and that might be the day I cross their path. I am not always observant of what’s around me and not considering those around me which may cause me to inconvenience or annoy someone else. If I can give myself grace, I ought to give others grace as well.

So these are five things I would like to work on quitting. Is there anything you would like to quit? If you’d like to read what other people are saying, head over to mrsdisciple.com. 

Not My Proudest Moment

Everyone tells you that having kids will change everything. I have certainly found that to be true. I have had to shed my me-first mentality and care for the needs of others before myself (sometimes instead of myself, though not always successfully - selfishness is ingrained deep in us). I have changed occupations, developed a new group of friends and relationships, thought a lot more about the future and what is in store for me and my family and grown deeper in my faith.

One thing that has been forefront most recently is how much my words and behavior are noticed and imitated by my children. Some days I will listen to them playing together and they will pretend play that they are a family and one is the parent while the other is the child. They will parent like we have been parenting them. Sometimes it is sweet and reinforces that I am doing a good job. Other times, it is a gut check and reminder that my words are powerful and they are sponges soaking everything up.

My son is very active, often on the go. When I want him to pay attention to something I am saying (because I think it's important) I'll tell him to look at me (and sometimes turn his face to mine) in the hope that he will soak in more of what I'm saying. Now, I hear the kids saying "look at me" to each other during pretend play when the "child" is "in trouble".

This past week I was confronted with an inconsistency in my integrity. While out with my kids I experienced a situation that caused me shame and embarrassment. It was a combination of a lapse in close supervision and kids being kids. Nothing dangerous, but I panicked and we left rather than dealing with the situation. I chastised my kids when we got to the car but realized later that I was really angry with myself for not paying closer attention. I wrestled with feeling guilty all evening until finally I prayed about it. Through prayer I was able to work through my feelings and realize that it was not too late to apologize to those I had wronged and make amends for the situation.

The next morning I confessed the whole story to my husband (because shame was telling me to keep it quiet so that guilt could continue to hound me). I then spoke to my kids about what I did wrong and what I should have done. I apologized for speaking unkindly to them. I stated what I was going to do to try to make up for the situation. (Now, my kids are only five and two and I don't know how much the oldest took from what I said because I know the two year old didn't care, but perhaps it planted seeds in her for the future.) Later that morning I returned to the scene of the situation, acknowledged what I should have done and apologized. It was sooo hard and uncomfortable but I felt that it was what God wanted me to do. The person I spoke with was so gracious and kind to me. He accepted my apology and said that he appreciated my efforts. He said it was a sign that I had a good heart. I almost cried at his kindness.

God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. James 4:6

The best thing that has happened through all of this is that my guilt is gone! Yes, I could have owned up right at the moment (and obviously there is still growth occurring in this area but I also know that, in the past, I would not have owned up to my mistake and tried to make it right) but God used it as an opportunity to remind me that it's not too late to humble myself and apologize. It was an opportunity to teach my children that we all make mistakes (and they will hopefully also choose to try to correct them). My response will help to equip me for future situations that may arise. Hopefully the next time I begin to feel shame or embarrassment, I will stop and consider the best choice. Perhaps I'll develop a habit of responding with integrity so that my kids will learn the proper way to handle difficult situations.

"Train up a child in the way he should go;
  and when he is old he will not depart from it."
      Proverbs 22:6

Punching Fear in the Face

I have been receiving emailed encouragement and challenges about pursuing dreams from author, blogger and speaker Jon Acuff for the last year or so. He has created an online group to help people take steps toward achieving their dreams and encourage one another along the way. It's pretty amazing to see the wide variety of goals and amounts of success people are achieving through small, consistent steps and large amounts of perseverance. Jon has a saying from one of his books, Start, that is kind of a mantra among the group. "Punch fear in the face."

As many of us are aware, fear is the biggest reason we hold back from pursuing our dreams - fear of failure, fear of rejection or criticism, fear of not having a valuable or worthy contribution, fear of not having what it takes to see it through, even fear of success. Fear can paralyze us and keep us from ever taking a step toward our goals. I know that I cycle through several of these fears when thinking about my dream of being paid to write.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Yes, that is my dream. I have finally said it out loud to a public audience. I struggle a lot with feeling that I don't have anything new or valuable to contribute. I feel silly for thinking that I could be paid to share my thoughts. I have doubt that anyone would care to read what I might choose to say. I fear that if and when I do write, I will be rejected or criticized. Truth is, I know that these things will probably happen. People have differing opinions and not everyone will agree with my thoughts or find them useful or beneficial.

I can either allow these things to discourage me and keep me from writing or I can take this desire to write and continue to put myself out there hopeful that at least one person will be encouraged by my words. I have been writing for self-expression since I was in elementary school. It is part of who I am and choosing to squash it due to a bunch of "what-ifs" seems quite silly. 

I took a step today that required punching my fears in the face. I submitted an article for consideration for publication. I don't have confidence that it will be chosen but I am proud of myself for trying and putting myself out there for an honest review of my work. I am hoping for feedback that will help me in my writing and help me seek more opportunities like this. 

Do you have a dream you are working on? What steps have you been taking toward it?

God's Reassurance

I have eczema (also called dermatitis) that affects some of the skin on my hands and face. It comes and goes depending on the weather, and seems to be more prevalent right now (probably due to all of the weather swings we've been experiencing). I am somewhat self-conscious about the dry skin on my face because it's noticed the most (obviously). It has caused me to question my attractiveness as I don't find the condition very pretty. This morning I was feeling particularly vulnerable to these thoughts and wanted to talk about it with my husband because he is good about reassuring me when I need it. Of course, today is the day he will be gone all day and I will not see him before I go to bed.

I was praying about all of this and asked why it seems that whenever I am in need of some sort of reassurance it coincides with the unavailability of my spouse. I had a thought and voiced it to God. "Are you trying to tell me that you want me to come to you for reassurance and comfort? Am I to seek my value and worth from you?" Well, duh, right? I know that God loves me, has a purpose for me, created me the way I am, and finds me very valuable. I struggle sometimes with claiming these truths and seeking peace and reassurance from my Creator. 

So I spent some time looking through the Bible to remind myself of what God values and finds beautiful. I first read 1 Samuel 16:7 to remind myself that God looks at my heart. The most encouraging verses were found in 1 Peter 3:3-6, "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment...Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and DO NOT GIVE WAY TO FEAR."

Image courtesy of surasakiStock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I have noticed lately that the enemy has been trying to use fear to immobilize me and break down my relationships. Perhaps I should spend some time reminding myself of all of God's do not fear proclamations in Scripture.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

Do you turn to God first for comfort and reassurance? Do you have a verse that encourages you to keep going when you are feeling discouraged?