Dreaming With an Open Heart

I have been thinking recently about dreams I have for my life, things I would love to do or to happen. I know we sometimes equate dreams with goals or bucket list items, but I believe those are all slightly different.

Goals are things I want to achieve and will take deliberate steps to accomplish. Some dreams could be labeled as goals but, often, dreams require more than just our own efforts to accomplish. Goals are measurable and you can usually determine ahead of time if you have the necessary resources to accomplish them. Yes, work is also required on our part for dreams, but even if we do all that we can, it doesn't mean the dream will be realized.

Bucket lists, to me, are kind of like fun to-do lists. Perhaps some people's bucket lists are lists of dreams but I think mine would most resemble a world map or adventure itinerary.

To me, dreams are heart-driven desires. I am more nervous about sharing my dreams than my bucket list because they are revealing and vulnerable. They tell others a lot about my heart. I have been thinking and praying a lot about it and have decided to share my dreams with you. I believe that bringing them out in the open where others can see them will allow God more room to move in these areas. He reminded me recently that the dreams he has placed in my heart (and, honestly, I don't know for certain which dreams are God-led and which are my own selfish ones), he will water and grow so that they will come to fruition at the proper time.

So, in no particular order, my current dreams:

• To be a writer (technically I am a writer now, but I am referring to receiving payment/compensation for my work)
• To write and publish another book (it'd be awesome to have an actual publishing house do it - see above dream)
• To go on a solo weekend retreat somewhere I can pray, see nature, read, write, be quiet and think (I've heard about monastic retreats which appeal to me)
• To attend She Speaks Conference, the writer/speaker conference held every July in Concord, NC
• A vacation with just my husband to a beach/island with great scuba diving
• A couple/family or several couples/families for true community (we like each other, enjoy each other's company, can share real/hard things and all make efforts to spend time together regularly)
• My kids to choose Jesus and desire to live for him (they are currently 6 and 3 but this is my number one desire for them)

There you have it. I don't know of any one thing listed that will happen this year. Next year, several have promise. I suppose that's part of why they are dreams. I know they are all possible but some of them I am powerless for them to happen (yes, I may have influence but I can't accomplish them in my own power) and so there is plenty of room for God to work. I am hoping and believing that all of these things will happen.

Are you willing to share some of your heart dreams with me? Are any of the dreams listed also on your heart as well? I'd love to know there is a kindred spirit out there. Together we can pray for God's work and provision for our dreams.

God's Reassurance

I have eczema (also called dermatitis) that affects some of the skin on my hands and face. It comes and goes depending on the weather, and seems to be more prevalent right now (probably due to all of the weather swings we've been experiencing). I am somewhat self-conscious about the dry skin on my face because it's noticed the most (obviously). It has caused me to question my attractiveness as I don't find the condition very pretty. This morning I was feeling particularly vulnerable to these thoughts and wanted to talk about it with my husband because he is good about reassuring me when I need it. Of course, today is the day he will be gone all day and I will not see him before I go to bed.

I was praying about all of this and asked why it seems that whenever I am in need of some sort of reassurance it coincides with the unavailability of my spouse. I had a thought and voiced it to God. "Are you trying to tell me that you want me to come to you for reassurance and comfort? Am I to seek my value and worth from you?" Well, duh, right? I know that God loves me, has a purpose for me, created me the way I am, and finds me very valuable. I struggle sometimes with claiming these truths and seeking peace and reassurance from my Creator. 

So I spent some time looking through the Bible to remind myself of what God values and finds beautiful. I first read 1 Samuel 16:7 to remind myself that God looks at my heart. The most encouraging verses were found in 1 Peter 3:3-6, "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment...Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and DO NOT GIVE WAY TO FEAR."

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I have noticed lately that the enemy has been trying to use fear to immobilize me and break down my relationships. Perhaps I should spend some time reminding myself of all of God's do not fear proclamations in Scripture.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

Do you turn to God first for comfort and reassurance? Do you have a verse that encourages you to keep going when you are feeling discouraged?

Sometimes the Truth Hurts

  I've been posting lately mostly from what has been going on presently in my life. Today I shall continue with that trend. Once again I will be referencing the Seeking Him study. If you are looking to have an authentic, deeper relationship with God I highly recommend this book. It can be done on your own but it has been wonderful being able to talk about it in a group setting with other women.

  Week three of the study was about honesty. Honesty is what allows us to truly connect with God and others (honesty in connection with repentance in God's case). We can't really grow into the people we were created to be unless we are willing to be open about who we are. I know that I struggle with the desire to hide my sins and temptations. I want people to think that I am doing a-okay and have this God-thing down. I have the prideful desire to be seen as having it all together. The truth is that I don't.

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  At church we've been going through a series called Rise and Fall which follows the life of David. Our overarching verse for the series is 1 Corinthians 10:12, So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! It's been encouraging to be reminded that everyone has highs and lows. There is no one who is not susceptible to temptation. It is also hope giving to see that a mistake does not cut you off from God's plan for your life. It does not mean he can no longer use you. If you are willing to be honest about your mistake, confessing it to him in repentance, your relationship with God can be restored.

  In our honesty chapter two verses were given to us as reminders. Luke 12:2 There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. and Hebrews 4:13 Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.

  These verses were brought to my mind last week when I found myself in a situation where I could be a woman of integrity and honesty or commit a sin of omission. The kids and I went to Family Christian to purchase a gift. While there I also picked up a few other things I couldn't seem to leave behind. I used a coupon which I was quite excited about. When I got home I looked over the receipt and noticed that two of the items I purchased had not been rung up. Part of me had this thought: Score! It's not your fault that the items didn't ring up so you can keep them. The part of me that is being changed through our study reminded me of the verses above and thought: Even if it wasn't your fault you have realized the error and you should correct it. There's a good chance I wouldn't have shared this dilemma with you if I had chosen not to take the stuff back to the store to pay for it. I was dreading taking the kids back again and spending more time on this errand I thought was finished. However, I did also see that this was a wonderful teaching opportunity for my three year old and I attempted to explain the situation in a way she could understand. [Full disclosure: This may not seem like a big issue to some, but I can be a little tight with money. I tend to jump on opportunities to save. Choosing to pay more money for something when I don't have to is uncomfortable and a stretch for me.]

  A similar circumstance happened a few years ago at a different store. I purchased a few things. It seemed to me that one did not ring up so I said this to the clerk and she said that everything was fine. I paid and went home. At home I looked over my receipt and saw that indeed the item did not get rung up. I did not return to the store to correct the error. At the time I rationalized this choice because I had said something to the clerk during the transaction.

  I am thankful that now my heart is being bent toward greater depths of honesty and integrity. I am not enjoying the random reminders of past instances of dishonesty or compromised integrity God is bringing to mind. They make me uncomfortable and a little disappointed in myself. However I can rejoice in the knowledge that the reminders afford me the opportunity for true repentance and forgiveness.


Do you ever struggle with honesty? The sin of omission? Do you find that, although God's work in your heart hurts at times, ultimately it brings joy and healing?