My Life Puzzle

Our church is in the middle of a three week series called Puzzled. The overarching theme is summed up in a key phrase: In your doubts of today, trust in His tomorrows.

On the first Sunday there was a puzzle piece in each seat to help us think about the message throughout the week. I picked up a puzzle peace that was two shades of blue. I chose the piece because blue is my favorite color and it would help me to think that, although I don't have a picture of what my life will look like when finished (because life doesn't have a box with a completed picture on it like most puzzles do), with God in charge it will look beautiful.

This Sunday I again had the thought that although I may not be able to see the whole picture, I can trust God that it will be beautiful. I only have to look at nature to see the creativity and beauty God is able to create. Then I thought that although a rainbow-hued picture may be beautiful, I really hope that when my life puzzle is complete it looks like this:

Image courtesy of zole4 at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. 1 Corinthians 13:12 (NLT)

A Yearly Review

Image courtesy of Idea go at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I have been thinking back over the past year and feel like I have experienced a lot of personal growth as a person and in my relationship with God. It started when I began participating in the women's Bible study at our church where we went through the book Seeking Him. I have a few posts from last fall that speak about some of my experiences with the study (and I would HIGHLY recommend going through the study if you desire to grow in your relationship with God). I thought it would be fun to list some of the highlights of this past year for future reference.

Here is my recap of God's work in me this past year:

• a better understanding/grasp of God's grace
• the realization that I can't change me but I can ask God to do so and he is faithful (I used to think that if I just tried harder I would be better.)
• more consistent and meaningful times of prayer and Bible reading
• a stronger desire for and pursuit of God
• awareness of weak areas or strongholds in my life and a partnership with God to strengthen the weak areas and break the strongholds (related growth - believing God's truth instead of the enemy's lies)
• more time in God's word and hiding it in my heart (memorization, especially verses that speak to struggles I am dealing with)
• recognizing God's hand and provision in my life
• more purposeful/meaningful relationships with others
• increased recognition and following of promptings by the Holy Spirit
• choosing to seek God more in difficult times

So that's my list. I know that I am not always successful at all of these and I still have a long way to go in terms of living like Christ and for Christ. I need growth in choosing God's agenda over mine, consistently/constantly tuning my heart to God, selfishness (oh the selfishness), praying more for others, choosing opportunities to serve others more. The good news is that God is faithful will complete his purposes in and for me.

What changes have you seen God working in you this past year?

"With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God." Mark 10:27

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:8-10

The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever - do not abandon the works of your hands. Psalm 138:8

Loneliness, friendships and hope

I have noticed a cycle within my friendships. I start out really excited about hanging out with others and send emails, texts, FB messages, etc to the people I would like to get together with. Often it’s for a playdate because, let’s face it, I’m a SAHM and most of my time includes my two kids. I have a period of time when I am seeing other adults on a regular basis (which means once or twice a week, which probably seems like a pitifully small amount of adult interaction to non-SAHMs - obviously I see my husband much more frequently, but there’s something different about girl time).

Eventually I hit the other half of the cycle where I feel worn out from doing most/all of the inviting and stop with the hope that someone will invite me (and probably the kids) to do something. While waiting for this to happen, I tend to throw myself a little pity party. I don’t quite know how I get back into the inviting mode or how long this part of the cycle usually lasts. I think several things happen. First, I decide that I’ve had enough loneliness and would rather suggest gatherings than continue to go without other adults. Second, I choose to believe that the people really do want to hang out but they are very busy with their families and just need someone to ask them to make time to hang out.

I feel like I can’t be the only one who deals with this. I certainly can’t be the only SAHM who needs to have conversations with non-children. Part of my problem seems to be that most of the other SAHMs I know live 30+ minutes away from me or are already part of an established group. It probably wouldn’t be so pronounced if I had family around. It kind of feels like our family is a little island when we really want to be part of a community. Maybe we aren't showing our vulnerability so others don’t know that we are in need.

Well, here is my confession. I’m lonely. I need others. I’m tired of feeling like I have to always be the one to reach out in order to connect. I want to know that someone cares and enjoys spending time with me.

We, as people, were created for community (Genesis 2:18). The devil likes to isolate us - especially from God and other believers - because then we are more vulnerable to his lies and schemes. God’s word says that he works all things for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28). Since I know these things and have just reminded myself of these truths, my next step is to end my pity party and figure out what God might be teaching me or trying to develop in me through this.

I have struggled with sharing my deeper thoughts and feelings with my husband. I have been praying to be bolder in opening up with him. Perhaps God is answering this prayer by temporarily removing other outlets so that I can improve my communication with him. For this, I am grateful.

It may also be to help me see my need for others. I tend to live fairly independent and self-sufficient. Feeling loneliness is a good reminder that I do need others and that it’s okay to not be able to do it all alone.

This experience has caused me to ask again, Do I trust God? (Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5) Yes, I do. I trust him to provide me with the things I need when I need them, including friendships (And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19). I am so thankful for the encouragement his word provides and the ability to recall applicable verses during times of personal struggle. Having reminded myself of God’s love for me, his provision and perfect timing, I am refreshed with hope and courage.

As the deer pants for streams of water,

so my soul pants for you, O God.

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.

When can I go and meet with God?

My tears have been my food day and night,

while men say to me all day long,

 “Where is your God?”

…

Why are you downcast, O my soul?

Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God,

for I will yet praise him,

my Savior and my God.

~Psalm 42:1-3,5~

You are my strength, I sing praise to you;

you, God, are my fortress,

my God on whom I can rely.

~Psalm 59:17~