Forget the Clock: Learning to Rest in God

  The theme of this year for me has been trust and rest. I am not good at either of those, it seems. And they are definitely intertwined in my life. I struggle a lot with feeling that I always must be productive, always working and doing something. I seem to equate resting with being lazy. Yet God commands us to rest. He demonstrated this concept for us by resting himself after six days of work. Jesus took breaks from his ministry. He slept, he stole away from people to rest and recharge. Our bodies are not made to work indefinitely without rest, certainly not at top functioning capacity.

  I had recently been feeling frazzled and overwhelmed (two major signs that I am in need of rest). I know it was because I had allowed my schedule to become too crowded for rest, quiet and refreshment (as an introvert, times of quiet are very important). I have been trying to acquire a more relaxed, unhurried rhythm to life and my schedule but my desire to be productive and to accomplish has been steadily creeping back in, especially as we approach the holidays. (I think we all associate the holidays with a flurry of busyness and lots of extra activities, but who says we have to accept every opportunity and get swept up in the craziness? Who says November and December have to feel rushed and demanding instead of peaceful and joy-filled? We can slow down or remain steady and continue to maintain breathing room in our days and weeks. We can have a simple, pleasant season if we are mindful about what is truly needed and important.)

  I decided two days ago that I would spend all of my free morning the next day while both kids were in school focusing on my spiritual health and drawing closer to God. (Usually on Mondays I go to a yoga class I love, but last week I went to a different one on Wednesday that I enjoyed almost as much and decided afterward that it could be an acceptable substitute for Monday's class if I ever needed more flexibility in my routine. This made it infinitely easier to not go to this morning's class and instead be able to follow through with the idea of a spiritual health day.) Before I took J to preschool I prepared the front room (my chosen space) by putting my Immanuel/Gratitude Journal, other notebooks, the Bible and Jennie Allen's Nothing to Prove book near my chosen seat.

  I dropped J off and returned home, heading immediately to my red couch. I started by doing a brain dump of everything swirling in my mind onto a notebook page (mainly my to-do list). When I was finished, I meditated for a few minutes using an exercise to help me focus and relax - taking some deep breaths and then checking in to all five senses (what I could see, hear, feel, taste and smell). Then it was on to writing in my Immanuel/Gratitude Journal which I love. This exercise always helps reveal things in my heart I may not have realized. And, of course, this is where things took a turn away from my planned, productive morning with God (as is usually the case when truly meeting with God). While journaling, God showed me that I am still too busy and failing to rest, evidenced by the fact that I had created quite an agenda for my morning. He cited my to-do list and the stack of notebooks and books as proof that I struggle so much with resting. Below is an excerpt.

I appreciate your effort though you are still focusing too much on doing and not enough on just being and resting in my presence. You work too much. Rest more...Trust that any and all time with me is wisely used even if it doesn't check anything off of the to-do list...You feel pressure to constantly be doing but that is not from me. I invite you to come and rest. The enemy wants you to be too busy to love and serve, too overwhelmed and exhausted to be kind and generous and patient and present. Don't fall into his trap of busyness and performing to receive approval. You already have my approval...I am glad to teach you the unhurried rhythm of grace. Be content just to be with me...Trust me. Trust my ways...I can do something about your fear. You don't have to hurry through your day. Resting does not make you lazy. The world will not fall apart. I rested to show you that it is good and necessary. You do not have an endless supply of energy. Recharging is necessary; it's how I made you. I made you to be insufficient, to be not enough so you would see your need to depend on me and so that my power can be seen through you.

  I want to use my time wisely and he reminded me that no time with him is wasted even if my to-do list remains undone. I have long struggled with being able to just rest and do nothing. I am driven by the clock and my to-do list and desire for accomplishment. It was convicting and encouraging to have God remind me that he sees me, he sees my striving, and he can give me true peace and rest if I will trust him and surrender in obedience.

  As my Immanuel Journaling time was winding down I was beginning to yawn and feel sleepy, relaxed even. The following internal dialogue occurred:

          Me 1: Perhaps, I do need some real, physical rest.
          Me 2: No, that's a waste of time.
          Me 1: Perhaps this is an opportunity to trust God and be obedient.
          Me 2: Well, perhaps. If it's a short one. Can God guarantee it'll only be about twenty minutes?
                     There are things to be done!
          Me 1: No, God is not negotiating. He is simply asking me to exercise faith and trust.
                     Okay, God, make this time holy.

  So I managed to not look at my watch (miracle of miracles!) before I curled up on the little red couch I was sitting on and closed my eyes. I drifted in and out of consciousness, praying some, listening a bit to the sounds of the house. After awhile, my brain kicked back on more alert than before and I wondered how much time had passed. I was more easily able to avoid looking at my watch because it wouldn't be able to tell me anything useful. I decided the best thing would be to ignore clocks for the remainder of my morning and let my phone alarm alert me to when it was time to end my quiet morning and pick J up from preschool.

  I really need to become more relaxed with time. It's a compulsion to know what time it is or how much time remains before the next activity on the schedule. I should just sent alarms for the important things and not worry about exact time. Instead I use known time to try to squeeze in as much as I can. I can't relax because I am waiting for time to signal the next thing. In fact, before I started my spiritual time this morning, I thought perhaps I would get it all knocked out with enough time to do several things on my to-do list. It's an unhealthy habit and mindset. It keeps me from being fully present where and with who I am and cuts down on peace, rest and enjoyment of life.

  I loved our fall break at the beach when I kept my watch in a drawer for the week and just enjoyed where I was and what I was doing with minimal regard for time. It was glorious and I wish I could live like that all of the time. Perhaps there's something in between that's still healthy and would improve my quality of life.

October Goal Review

October is over. It is the gear up toward the holiday season. It can be a lot of fun but also quite stressful. Let's see how my goals fared this month. If you want to read about previous months' successes and failures, click the appropriate month:  January,  February,  March,  April,  May,  June,  July,  August,  September.

1. One arts and crafts time with the kids each month

  We went to the beach last month and gathered quite a few shells during our week on the beach. My mother-in-law mentioned she might like an ornament of shells as a memento of our beach trip together. I thought it would be a great idea for our monthly arts and crafts time. The kids and I each made a personal ornament after creating a very special one for Grammy. Kaitlyn decided that shells were needed on the outside of the ornament as well as inside so I followed her instructions. I think they turned out well. It'll be nice to put the ornaments on the tree and remember our trip to PCB each Christmas season. (Side note: I love having ornaments that commemorate trips and special events/occasions. It's a fun trip down memory lane.)

  At a later date, the kids requested more art time so I pulled out a bunch of supplies and let them have fun. In addition to some marker drawings, Kaitlyn used felt and buttons to make a couple of pieces.

2. Blog at least twice per month

  I bit off more than I could chew last month with all of the blog posts. This month I managed to get myself into a busier-than-desirable schedule which has sent writing to the back-burner. I had a post that I had written awhile ago about my grandparents that I published later in the month. However, I just couldn't get motivated to write something new in October until the last day. I wanted to get some thoughts jotted down and figured I'd share it as well. I barely achieved this goal but barely is better than not, right?

3. Grow in gratitude, contentment and generosity

  This month I continued my gratitude journaling. I did not do it as often as I previously have, probably averaging once or twice each week. Every time I do it I wonder why I don't do it every day. It is so encouraging and a great way to feel more connected to God. It helps my perspective of life to remember everything I have to be grateful for in my life.

  My family is in a bit of a transition right now so at times it's hard to feel content when I don't really feel settled in some parts of life. When I make time for expressing gratitude, I do feel more content with where I am. I am appreciative of all that I do have.

  The kids and I put together two Operation Christmas Child boxes for children in other countries who might not otherwise receive gifts. It has become a tradition to put together one box for a girl about Kaitlyn's age and one for a boy about Jackson's age. It makes it easy to have the kids pick out gifts they would love to receive at Christmas themselves. This year Kaitlyn was given a page to fill out about herself and where she lives to include in the box. I helped Jackson fill out his and we included a family photo in each box as well. I like being able to include the kids in service and generosity toward others.


So that's been my month. How has yours been? Are you already stressing out about the holiday season and how it might wreak havoc on your goals? Or is that just me? 

October Book Review

There are only two months left in 2016 and they are the busiest two of the whole year. I don't anticipate having much time to read so I tried to get as much as I could in during October. I completed eight books. You can read more about them below. If you want to read previous months' book reads, click the appropriate link:  January,  February,  March,  April,  May,  June,  July,  August,  September.

1. When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi

  I had heard a lot of positive recommendations but didn't know a thing about it until I started reading it. I actually thought it might be a fiction book. It is most definitely not. It is about a thirty-six year old neurosurgeon resident who received a lung cancer diagnosis during his last year of residency. Despite the depressing circumstances, I really liked the content of the book.
  The first half of the book focuses on his life before the diagnosis. I learned about his family history, his college passions and experiences and his experiences in med school and residency. I found it fascinating his experiences, his reasons for taking the path he chose, as well as the way his experiences changed his understanding of the mind, personage and death.
  The second half talks about his life after the diagnosis with the last part being written by his wife to share what he was not able to recount because he passed away. It is inspiring all that he learned from his experiences and so eloquently shares with us through his book. It causes you to think about how you are spending your life and what might be the best use of one's unknown amount of time on earth.

2. Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert

  A lot of people had said good things about this book as well. I didn't care much for Eat, Pray, Love but thought I'd check it out since I heard it reminded the reader that they already have permission to create. It seemed like a good book to read while I am in the process of pursuing writing with more purpose and dedication.
  I found it to be an inspirational and encouraging book for anyone who is interested in pursuing a passion in their life. I did not agree with everything she said or thought but found a lot of helpful information, including the reminder that we do not need permission to pursue our passions; we were created with passion and creativity as part of our makeup. If you have a dream you desire to pursue but need some encouragement, motivation or inspiration, definitely check out the book.

3. Setting Their Hope in God: Biblical Intercession for Your Children by Andrew Case

  This is a book that contains numerous prayers for parents to pray for and with their children. Interspersed among the prayers are quotes about prayer - it's purpose, benefits, etc. I enjoyed having a daily reminder and opportunity to pray for my children. I am not always great at making intentional, purposeful prayer time for my children. This enabled me to think about them and their needs and have directed prayer that could lead me into more specific prayers for each of my children. It was an enjoyable exercise that I usually did shortly before bed.

4. Love Warrior: A Memoir by Glennon Doyle Melton

  I had read Carry On, Warrior several years ago and enjoyed it. I was not a regular visitor to Momastery so most of the essays were new to me. I wasn't exactly sure what to expect in this book. I had heard that it would be a chronicle of Glennon's marriage to Craig. Anyone familiar with Momastery would know the bones of the story - how Glennon found herself pregnant and at rock bottom and choosing to start fresh for the sake of her baby, how she and Craig chose to marry, that there was some News a few years ago that Craig shared with Glennon that they had to work through.
  The gist of the story was known, but it was very interesting to have the details fleshed out and to learn more of Glennon's history, the pivotal moments in her life and the origin of the sayings attributed to her (We can do hard things. Do the next right step.) I was a little uncomfortable during parts of the story. I felt that the book resolved well and contained quite a bit of encouragement and inspiration for the reader. If you like Glennon's previous writing or have followed her for awhile, you would probably enjoy this book.

5. At Home in Mitford by Jan Karon

  A friend of mine said that this was one of her favorite book series. I trust her opinion so I decided to check it out. I haven't read a lot of Christian fiction lately. I got kind of burned out on some of the authors and genres within Christian fiction. This one, however, was quite refreshing and unlike what I've read this year.
  This book (the first of The Mitford Series) follows the daily life of Father Tim, an Episcopal priest in the small town of Mitford, North Carolina. The reader experiences the daily, unpredictable schedule of the rector as he seeks to care for his parishioners and members of his town. He acquires a stray dog who is disciplined by scripture, a rambunctious boy whose grandfather is stricken with pneumonia and many secrets of the inhabitants of Mitford.
  I became fond of all of the characters in the book and enjoyed the twists and turns of the story the author led me on. When the book ended, I had so many questions about various characters and want to know what happens next. Thankfully there are twelve other books in this series so hopefully I will get to become even more acquainted with and delighted by this town. The book is an uplifting and encouraging read that makes me yearn for small town living.

6. Listen, Love, Repeat: Other-Centered Living in a Self-Centered World by Karen Ehman

  I saw a Facebook posting about applying for the launch team for this book. The title of it struck me and I knew I had to check out the book. I received a PDF of the book to read and review but I love the message so much that I have pre-ordered a copy of it for myself (it releases November 15th) to be able to have on hand and re-read as I anticipate doing regularly.
  This book is full of helpful and doable advice about loving the people in our life. She shares her experiences with looking for opportunities to love and serve others in meaningful ways. She reminds us that the purpose of our love and service is to reflect Jesus. She is such a genuine and caring person, like a mentor you didn't know you needed. Her words resonated with me and encouraged me as I desire to live out God's greatest commandment of loving him and loving others.
  I would highly recommend this book to anyone who desires to know how to better love those around them - family, friends, kids' friends, neighbors, co-workers, and the "necessary" people in our lives (mail carrier, garbage service, teachers, etc).

7. On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft by Stephen King

  I had heard that this was a great book for writers, fiction or non-fiction. It is part autobiography, part information and advice. I really enjoyed hearing about Stephen King's life and his interest in writing from an early age. I enjoyed hearing about his writing process and how he fleshes out ideas.
  I do not have a desire to write fiction but a lot of his writing information is applicable to writers of all types. I have read one of his fiction books and watched a couple of the movies adapted from his books. Horror is not my genre of choice for books or movies but my genre preference does not matter as far as receiving useful information from this book. If you are a writer or desire to improve your writing skills, I would definitely recommend reading this book.

8. First Comes Love by Emily Giffin

   I think I have read one of her other books but was not familiar with her style and storytelling. I knew she was a Georgia author and I loved that this book was set in Atlanta so I recognized the places mentioned. This book is told from the alternating perspective of two sisters, Josie and Meredith. Fifteen years ago their older brother Daniel was killed in a car accident and it has affected their relationships with one another and others. Meredith sees Josie as irresponsible and self-absorbed while Josie views Meredith as a judgmental perfectionist. Josie's been carrying around a secret that may completely tear their family apart.
  I enjoyed the two-person perspective as it allows the reader to see each person's strengths and weaknesses. I had no idea what the secret might be and enjoyed learning about each sister's lives and their own fears and concerns. It was a good story that held my attention throughout the book. It's a good fiction read.

I am amazed that I finished six non-fiction books this month! Some of them I had begun in September (or earlier in one case) so it's perhaps not as impressive as if I'd read them from cover to cover in October. It was a fairly diverse selection of books. They all had something beneficial to share with me. How many books did you finish in October? Please share any that you would recommend!