December Book Review

We made it through the whole year! My goal for 2016 was to read fifty books. I accomplished that a little over halfway through the year but kept going because I am a bibliophile. My final total for 2016 was 81 books! You can read more about December's reads below. If you want to read previous months' book reads, click the appropriate link: January,  February,  March,  April,  May,  June,  July,  August,  September,  October,  November.

1. The Magnolia Story by Chip and Joanna Gaines

  I have heard a lot about the Gaines' but haven't watched any of their shows. I knew that they were Christian, have a popular store in Waco, and Joanna is a great designer. I am always interested in decorating ideas and thought it might be that type of a book. It really wasn't, but I usually enjoy a good biography and this was pretty close to that. I enjoyed hearing about their story, how God intertwined their lives and has provided for them as they've dreamed and created and risked. I found it to be an encouraging read that might inspire one to pursue their own dreams.

2. These High, Green Hills by Jan Karon

  This was the third book in The Mitford Series. Father Tim and Cynthia are recently married and learning the ins and outs of combining two lives at a more mature age. We continue to learn about the lives were were previously introduced to as well as a few new ones. Father Tim is tasked with finding a chaplain for the new Senior living center and becomes entangled in the well-being of a girl who lives in the rough part of town. It is more of the same enchanting, small town adventures I have come to expect and enjoy.

3. The Mitford Snowmen by Jan Karon

  I happened to see this short story at the library when I was in there and had to pick it up. I like reading Christmas-themed books in December. It was a fun little story about the business owners on Main Street having a snowman building contest which turned out not to actually be a contest until the mayor happened along and declared herself the judge.

4. Esther's Gift by Jan Karon

  I saw this other Christmas-time short story at the same time and, of course, checked it out as well. Esther Bolick is known for her orange marmalade cakes and has over the years given them to people for celebratory occasions. She has decided to make seven for various people for Christmas but decides she'd like to know how much it costs her to make one. She gets her husband involved and is shocked to find out the total. She then wrestles with just how generous she should be. There is a recipe for her famous cake at the back for the adventurous.

5. Nothing to Prove: Why We Can Stop Trying So Hard by Jennie Allen

  I joined Jennie Allen's FB group, The Village, because I was interested in learning more about the new book she was trying to write in three weeks. I have not read anything else by her but the subject for this one was something I was quite familiar with feeling and was curious as to what she would say about it. I managed to be one of the lucky ones to receive an ARC of the book, available January 31st.

  I really enjoyed the format of the book. At the end of each chapter is a related verse along with an exercise to complete that asks you to admit where you are weak in a particular area and then reach out to or share with others. I like that it pushes the reader to apply what they have just read to their lives.

  I really enjoyed the subject of feeling like I'm not enough and feeling the need or desire to strive or perform for others or God. She uses some stories from the book of John in the Bible to show us what Jesus was trying to teach his disciples and us. I felt that she shared a lot of truth and wisdom and I felt encouraged and freed to rest securely in my identity in Christ. I gained a better understanding of what it looks like to abide in Christ. I think this is a wonderful book for anyone who is tired of feeling like they are not enough but not realizing that this is God's invitation for us to draw nearer to him.

6. Starry Night: A Christmas Novel by Debbie Macomber

  I searched for available Christmas themed e-books at my local library and this was one of my options. I have read a couple of books by Debbie Macomber and have enjoyed the reads. This one was no exception. Chicago Herald reporter Carrie Slayton is longing to get off of the social column and into real news reporting. Her editor tells her that if she can interview author Finn Dalton about his best-selling book Alone then she can have practically any section of the paper she desires. Carrie agrees to the deal before learning that hundreds of reporters have tried and failed to find the elusive Dalton. Carrie is determined to be the one to find him and starts the hunt.

  She finds him but finds much more than a homely reclusive man. She finds a stubborn, very masculine man that is determined not to grant her or anyone else an interview. While stuck in Alaska with Finn for two days in his cabin, his animosity slowly changes to amity and then attraction. Though the attraction is palpable, Finn is determined not to let her in. It was a fun, light, romantic read for the Christmas season.

7. The Bible

  I decided to read through the Bible again. It took me about two years to read the entire thing. I tend to get bogged down by the dryness of the middle of the Old Testament (Numbers, 1 & 2 Kings, 1 & 2 Chronicles) so I chose to read through the book in no particular order, switching between Old and New Testament books. I kept a list and crossed each one off as I finished it. Luke and Acts were my final two books. I always enjoy reading through the books that aren't in the regular rotation.

  Last year a friend of mine talked about a practice she does toward the end of a year. She goes through each book of the Bible and writes down a verse from the chapter that coordinates with the coming year (last year all of the 16th chapters). Some books don't have sixteen chapters so then she would just pick a verse from the book. I tried it last year, choosing the 16th verse of some books with few chapters and sometimes using the 6th verse if the 16th didn't exist. I really enjoyed reading through them and seeing what was highlighted for the year. I wanted to do it again this year so I have done it for all of the 17th chapters (or verses). When I had options, I tried to pick ones that resonated with me form this year or that I wanted to be relevant for the coming year. It's a neat exercise if you are interested in reading the Bible in a new way.

8. No More Faking Fine: Ending the Pretending by Esther Fleece

  I had the opportunity to receive and Advance Reader Copy of this book, officially available January 10, 2017. I was very curious to read it because I often struggle with feeling like I cannot be honest about how I am feeling with the world around me. I have often responded "Fine" when asked the generic "How are you?" by acquaintances. I was interested to see what Ms. Fleece had to say about ending the pretending.

  This book focuses on learning the practice of lament. Many of the Psalms in the Bible are laments by people who are struggling and wondering where God is amidst the difficulty. In fact, there's a whole book titled "Lamentations". In this book, we learn about Esther's tumultuous childhood and the effects it has continued to have on her life despite her desire to forget the past and move on. She learns that the best way to find healing is to address the wounds and a wonderful way of doing so is through learning to lament our hurts. Lamenting involves speaking honestly to God about the hurts in our lives, trusting that he is still good, still loving, still for us, and believing that he will bring about justice on our behalf. Through the process of being honest about our negative feelings, we will find healing. The process is painful but it's better than staying stuck in bitterness and hurt.

  I gained some useful tools and insight into acknowledging, addressing and finding healing for my hurts in God. We all experience pain in this world and we have a choice in how we will deal with it. Will we believe that God can use our pain for good and healing or will we choose to believe the lies of our enemy that God is not loving or present or trustworthy. I recommend this book for anyone who is feeling stuck or wallowing in hurt and desires healing and freedom, hope and new life.

9. The Mommy Shorts Guide to Remarkably Average Parenting by Ilana Wiles

  I have followed the Mommy Shorts blog off and on along with @AverageParentProblems on Instagram. I thought it would be fun to read a book about her experiences with parenting and those of her blog followers. It did not disappoint.

  In the book you will find a humorous but fairly accurate view of parenting - starting with pregnancy through the first few years of raising two children (because that's as far as she's gotten in her parenting journey). It would be a good read for future parents that will hopefully help them prepare for parenting but understand that perfection is impossible. It's also a fun read for parents in the trenches because they will be able to relate and laugh at the ridiculousness that is parenting at times. If you need a laugh, definitely check out the book (but avoid if you're not a fan of spicy language).

10. Holidays on Ice by David Sedaris

  This was another of the holiday books I read in December. I have read a couple of David Sedaris' other collections of essays and they were interesting. This one was a compilation of memories of winters past along with random holiday-related essays such as one very crazy holiday newsletter and an account of neighbors trying to one-up one another in the giving department in very twisted ways. I cringed through some of the stories. It was rather crude in language but that's not unexpected if you've read other works by Sedaris. I probably wouldn't recommend it to many though his experience as an elf in a department store during the Christmas season was rather eye-opening.


How many books did you read this year? Did you have a favorite that you would recommend? I don't think I'll set a goal for books in 2017 because I want to cut back on commitments so that I can enjoy my current season without feeling like I have a long to-do list waiting for me. I did enjoy the challenge that pushed me to make time for reading, though. It is such a refreshing task for me.

Nothing to Prove

  I had the privilege of receiving an advanced reading copy of Jennie Allen's new book Nothing to Prove: Why We Can Stop Trying So Hard which will be publicly available January 31, 2017. I had heard about this new book when she opened a Facebook group to help her as she worked to write the whole book in three weeks (she had written a different book but felt that God wanted her to write this one instead). She used her group for support, to bounce around ideas and have specific questions answered by her intended audience. I really enjoyed the book and want to share the parts that spoke the most to me during this time in my life.

I'm convinced every one of us is fighting some pressure, some suffering, some sin, some burden...Nobody is okay. fine. great. But, goodness, we are all tired of trying to pretend we are. 

  I often forget that we all have our own stresses and pressures in life. It often seems like there are some people who do not and I suppose they are just those that are able to hide their mess the best. I

  I do get tired of pretending that I am fine all the time. I am tempted at times to respond to the question, How are you? truthfully but most of the time I assume the person asking isn't really wanting to know, it is just an informal greeting. I do sometimes wish that I could just lay it all out there and not worry about how others perceive me.

If I were your enemy, I would make you numb and distract you from God's story. Technology, social media, Netflix, travel, food and wine, comfort.

  Through reading this book I acknowledged that I had been numbing myself in order to avoid dealing with pain, struggle and hard parts of life. I became more aware of the strategies the enemy has been using to keep me from being truly free.

I'm convinced nearly all of us feel this incredible pressure to prove we measure up in some way. Every morning we face the list of tasks left undone the previous night, the expectations of our family and coworkers, the burden to be the beautiful, strong, and gracious ideal humans that we're convinced the world, the church, and God require.

  I don't know about everyone else, but I definitely have struggled with feeling like I am not measuring up, that I am inadequate, that I am not enough. It has finally begun to sink in that, perhaps, that is what God wants me to realize. On my own I am not enough. I need God. He wants me to depend on him, to consistently seek him in my life. This realization has started to remove this burden that I've been carrying around unnecessarily.

To get to the place where God can be enough, we have to first admit we aren't.

  I have finally, deep down in my soul, reached this place where I know I need God and I believe that he is enough for me. In him, I live and move and have my being. I will never measure up but that's not my purpose. My purpose is to reveal God's love to the world and how else can he do that but seeping through my cracks and imperfections?

There is no remedy for your striving apart from finding your identity in Christ. He is your enough, and the degree to which you believe that is the degree to which you will stop striving, stop performing, stop trying to prove yourself.

  I believe that this is a true statement. I have striven for most of my life. I think part of that has been due to my type A, achievement-driven personality. It has not helped me to gain contentment and peace and I am now willing to try a new way, a way of rest and trust, belief and confidence in God.

Make it your goal to love and know Jesus as much as humanly possible and ministry will happen.

  I am comforted by this statement. I do want to love and serve others in meaningful ways that honor God. If my focus us on knowing Jesus more, if I abide in him and keep myself attached to the vine, then fruit will naturally occur. Knowing God brings the living water and nourishment that is needed for effective ministry. I have to remember that my job is to stay close, God's job is to produce the fruit.

  There were so many wonderful things I read in the book. I probably underlined a good third of it. If any of the highlighted quotes from the book resonated with you, I highly recommend ordering a copy. If you are an achievement-focused person or scared that one day you will be exposed at not being enough, then definitely check out this book!

Wrestling with Loneliness

I was thinking recently about the changes in my life over the past year. The first four months of the year were very busy and scheduled. I remember thinking that if I had a lot of activity it would get rid of my feelings of loneliness. It obviously didn’t because I wrote several posts about feeling lonely. Reading Jennie Allen’s book Nothing to Prove recently helped me to see that keeping a full schedule was the way I tried to numb myself from feeling lonely. I thought if I had a lot going on, I wouldn’t have time to be lonely. The only thing it did was keep me from facing my loneliness, allowing it to grow deeper while I kept it pushed back into a dark corner.

Being honest and admitting my loneliness was a good first step. But I was trying to find an external reason for my loneliness. I believed the lies that there was something wrong with me keeping others from inviting me to do things, that I was too much or not enough or just too normal/boring to be noticed. At one point I thought that maybe if my family had some huge issue or need, then people would see us, see my loneliness, and do something about it.

In May, God asked me to trust him with my loneliness. He asked me to set down my impulse to schedule things with people and allow him the opportunity to meet my need for connection and community. I set aside the month to see what God would do. I was pleasantly surprised to receive a few invitations from others. Not as many as I would like (I think I was still trying to stay busy to numb my feelings), but what I needed to be reminded that he is faithful and he cares about and for me.

I chose to continue to pare back my schedule over the summer and fall months. I have enjoyed not being so busy or rushed this fall. It has allowed me some spontaneous engagements and more time at home with family. I am also being reminded through this process that my worth is not determined by my accomplishments or achievements. I have often felt like doing less meant being lazy. But we need rest and refreshment and refusing to make time for both of those is not being a good steward of my body and health.

I am choosing to trust that there is a purpose in all of this. I have no idea what the big picture is, but I am enjoying the small things I am learning and the ways I am changing and growing. No, I don’t enjoy the waves of loneliness I feel but I am learning to turn toward God rather than away, which is my enemy’s goal.

Recently, my mentor and I talked about my struggle with loneliness. I was telling her what had been going on with our family and she noted that I have had a good amount of social engagement recently. I admitted that it’s not very challenging to get together with others. My frustration tends to stem from feeling that I have to shoulder the responsibility of organizing events and people. I wonder if it’s the enemy twisting my perspective to keep me from having community. Yes, I may have to ask people to do things with us, but most of the time I receive an affirmative which should be a sign that my company is enjoyable. And what’s wrong with being the organizer (as long as it is not completely draining)?

My mentor had more positive thoughts about my struggle. Perhaps the acute feeling of loneliness exists inside me in order to prompt me to reach out to others who may also be experiencing loneliness. I notice that not many people seem to invite others and perhaps they are too busy or also hearing internally that their presence is not desired or are fearful that their invitation will be rejected. Perhaps this thing that I lament can be the impetus that leads me to the community I so desire.

I have a friend who has organized her own birthday gatherings the past two years. She said she loved spending time with friends and would be disappointed on birthdays when she didn’t engage with others. She thought, Why not be in charge of my birthday agenda and invite my friends? It’s what I want and I know it’s worth it to put forth the effort.

This should probably be my perspective. And it is, sometimes. This spring I think I was just worn out and coming out of a season of too much work and not enough rest.

I am still swinging back and forth between trusting God and feeling contentment, and feeling lonely and left out. Perhaps this will always be a cycle for me. At least I know that God will always be with me and is able to provide peace and encouragement. I will place my hope in the belief that good will come from all of this and it will be to God’s glory.

Being Not Enough

The other day I was made aware that Jennie Allen (author, If:Gathering founder) was starting an online FB community. That was the only information I had to go one. I really don't know much about her. I haven't read any of her books. Something urged me to request to join the group. I figured I could always exit the group if it didn't work out.

Thus far there are over 3500 people in the group (I don't know whether it's been closed or people can still join). A bit overwhelming for this introvert, let me tell you, but experience reminds me that I don't have to try to keep up with everything that happens in the group.

Anyway, Jennie posted a video in the group (I guess it was FB Live) that I decided to watch yesterday morning while on an elliptical machine at the gym (the video was 30 minutes long and that's the best place for me to take 30 uninterrupted minutes). She talked about how she is working on her current book (and three weeks from deadline she realized the book she had been writing was not the one she was supposed to be writing) and was seeking some community to help her through this rushed process perhaps offering encouragement and support and letting her know the book matter resonated with others.

When she talked about the topic, it confirmed why I was in the group. I often (including presently) struggle with feeling like I'm not enough (or sometimes too much, but that's a different discussion for a different day). As she spoke, I was reminded that the true equation is: Me + Jesus = Enough. On my own I am sorely lacking. That is why I need a savior, someone to accept me as I am and cover my deficiencies with his sufficiency. When I am able to remember and rest in Jesus' sufficiency for me I feel free and loved and light. I am unburdened.

However, sometimes I forget this is the equation and act like it is actually: Me + Jesus + Works. This mindset only deepens the feelings of inadequacy. I have struggled throughout my faith life with trying to do things to please God or earn my salvation. Thankfully God reminds me that I am accepted and loved through my faith in Jesus and there's nothing I can or need to do to earn righteousness. Paul reminds me that it's in my weakness that God shows up. May I, too, boast in my weakness so that God may be seen in and through me.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 

2 Corinthians 12:9