Forgiveness and Love

This year there has been one section of scripture that I have continued to return to when evaluating my life. It is Matthew 22:34-40.

 Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"

Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these to commandments."

To make it easier to remember, it can be summed up as this: Love God. Love people. I've been thinking about this a lot lately, especially the "love people" part. I can be very task oriented at times which does not always leave room for people. However, I do desire to be more willing to exchange my agenda for God's, which usually is about loving and caring for others.

Recently there was a Sunday sermon about forgiving others. I recognized that I held a few small grudges against people, fairly insignificant things that wouldn't be very difficult to let go of and move forward. I don't feel like I have received large injuries from other people that might require more wrestling and struggling to forgive.

This thought led me to think of a friend of mine who is having serious relationship issues. They are currently enduring emotional pain and struggle. I realized that I held anger toward the spouse. I was thinking about my friend and felt sad that they are hurting and have limited control over the circumstances. I wanted to have someone to blame for the pain, hurt and mess and the spouse seemed like the obvious choice. Realizing these feelings I asked God to show me how I could love both people in this situation.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

God reminded me that the spouse is human, just like me. They make mistakes and poor choices that hurt others at times, just like me. They are probably hurt, confused, and frustrated themselves right now, just like my friend. They probably do not want to cause pain to their spouse. They desire the same things we all desire - to be loved, known and accepted. The spouse is worthy of love and respect, just like me. They are deeply loved by God, just like me. God desires to show them grace just as he has shown me grace.

God also reminded me that my friend's spouse is not really the enemy. Satan is the true enemy, the father of lies. With this knowledge, I ought to be praying for both my friend and their spouse. I need to pray for the truth to be spoken into this situation and into both of their lives. I need to pray for supernatural healing and restoration. Because of Jesus there is hope that this situation can be redeemed.

My heart is being softened and I'm learning that it is possible (though definitely not always easy or natural) to show grace and love even in difficult situations. Of course, so far the offenses against me have been minor and not very life altering or affecting. I have a strong suspicion that more grievous offenses require greater amounts of God's power to love and forgive and extend grace.

Earlier this week I learned that someone I went to high school with appears to also be struggling in their relationship. The person wasn't always the kindest to me so my first reaction was tinged with a bit of gladness at their misfortune. I was surprised at my callous reaction and realized it meant I still held some unforgiveness after all of these years. I asked God to help me to see this person through eyes of love and grace. This person also wants what we all want - love, companionship, acceptance. So I prayed that they would receive these things. I prayed that they would know that Jesus loves them and can comfort and help them during this difficult time.

I am so thankful that God is changing my heart toward others. I know that loving God and people will take my whole life to master but I desperately want to get better at both. It definitely is painful at times to learn how I am falling short in these areas but I know that it is necessary for change and growth.

Image courtesy of graur razvanionut at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Compassion and Mercy

For a while I have admitted that I struggle with compassion. For some reason it has been hard for me to get into another person's shoes and try to feel what they might be experiencing. I saw hurts and struggles and injustice from a distance but did not allow myself to get close enough to experience emotions.

A few months ago I started seeing and reading a lot about child abuse and sex trafficking. The more I read, the more horrified and outraged I became. I felt sick to my stomach at things that have happened to women and young children. I thought that these issues probably bother me because I have young children, a girl and a boy, and I cannot imagine either of them being victims of these things. I want to do everything in my power to protect them from the evil in our world. And I'm sure most parents feel the same way. Although thinking about these horrors causes me to pray for Jesus to come quickly and make everything right, I find myself kind of relieved to know that there is some compassion in me after all.

Then, of course, God slammed me with a new realization. What he wants from me is not compassion, but mercy. Mercy is compassion in action. It is taking these feelings and doing something about them. I love how God has patiently guided me toward his true desire. He has met me where I am and faithfully brought me closer to where I am supposed to be.

But I feel somewhat helpless at this point. What can *I* do to help prevent these injustices, to rescue and heal victims of injustice? I know that there are wonderful programs out there being the hands and feet of mercy. I *feel* like I don't have a lot of time or opportunity in my stage of life. Yet I know that if I research, God will bless me with an opportunity to help in this area right where I'm at. Lord, please move me from compassion to mercy!

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To ACT JUSTLY and to LOVE MERCY and to WALK HUMBLY with your God.   ~Micah 6:8~

When Do I Need God?

There are plans for our church to train some people to be lay counselors. When I first heard about this I was quite excited because one of my dreams has been to be a counselor. I have a bachelor's in Psychology but have not yet pursued a master's degree. I wasn't able to determine exactly which route to take (MSW or MAC) before my life veered in a different (and wonderful) direction. I have talked off and on with my husband about whether or not to go to grad school when the kids are older. So when I heard there might be an opportunity to pursue my dream in a slightly different way, I was interested in pursuing it.

Before service yesterday one of the women involved in this potential ministry asked me again about my interest and mentioned a potential timeline for it. While I was sitting in church I was thinking about how exciting the opportunity would be I also thought about how much I would need to seek God when I stepped into the role. I know that I have no wisdom of my own that can encourage someone exactly how they need it. I know that God will know exactly how he wants to use me in others' lives and I will need to faithfully seek him to do this. I was excited by this, by stepping into a role where I needed to rely fully on God. 

And then it hit me. Am I saying that I am doing all of my current roles in my own power? Am I saying to God, "I've got this marriage and parenting and friend thing"? Because I surely do not! I cannot have a thriving, loving, encouraging, supportive marriage in my own wisdom and power. I am naturally selfish to the core and that will not work for marriage. Nor can I raise two kids with the compassion, grace, love, and wisdom that will yield godly adults without seeking God daily (sometimes hourly). I am too prone to frustration, tiredness and impatience. Without God, I cannot truly care for another person (we're back to that selfish thing where I focus on my little world). I cannot have a deep, intimate relationship with someone that includes genuine concern, compassion and giving of myself and my time. 

Duh. Thanks, God, for reminding me that I need you right now. You have already given me more than enough to bring to you each day.

I'm still excited about the potential new opportunity, but right now I will refocus on seeking God in the roles I currently hold.

Is Jesus Enough?

Here's a follow up from my last post.

01-11-14

Dear God,

 I think you are finally getting through to me. My mind keeps harping on this best friend thing. Why do I want one? Because I want to be known intimately. I want to be able to air my dirty laundry - my shortcomings, struggles, temptations and weaknesses - and still receive acceptance, love and compassion from the one who hears it all. I want someone who can say "I understand. I can help." Saying all of this to you, I know feel kind of silly. You are that someone. You are able and willing to be all that and more if I will just let you. You are enough. I keep telling you that "I need this" and "I need that" - that I need things other than you, things apart from you. And you are kindly and lovingly showing me that no, I don't. You know my needs and you want to meet them with your vast stores of love, compassion, acceptance and wisdom. You are always with me. You will never forsake me. You can answer and help and encourage. You will always listen You are enough for me. Thank you, Jesus, for showing me that I have not internalized this truth. Help me to remember this truth and live it. 

                                                                                                       Love,

                                                                                                      Megan