June Book Review

At the time this is published, we will be half-way through the year! Before May began I was already half-way through my goal of fifty books in 2016. At the beginning of the month I was at 34 for the year. I added eleven more to it this month! That means I only need to read five more books in six months...I think I can handle that (can you tell reading is a passion and way to relax for me?). Below are my reads. If you want to check out my thoughts on previous months' reads, check out the blog posts from January, February, March, April and May!


1. Walking the Talk: A Parent's Guide to Intimacy and Healthy Relationships by Sarah West

  (Full disclosure: I agreed to read this book in order to write a review and help with the relaunch of this book.) I was curious to read this one because it's a book about how to talk to your children about sex and relationships in a healthy, Christ-focused way. I have two young kids and I have constantly wondered when I need to broach this subject with them. I don't want to start too early or too late. 

  Sarah does an excellent job of walking parents through this subject. She invites the reader to think about how they were introduced to the topic of sex themselves and the messages they were given from their parents, friends or relatives. She acknowledges the awkwardness parents feel, especially if they haven't been perfectly pure in their own relationships growing up. She reminds us of how important it is for us to talk to our kids about it so that we will always have a voice in the conversation and offers suggestions of how to do it.

   The book is formatted with discussion questions at the end of each section to discuss as parents or in a small group study format. It also has an application section following the questions.

   I consider this a good resource for parents to help prepare themselves for discussing sex and healthy relationships with children at any age and as they age. I look forward to referencing it as I begin and continue to dialogue with my own children.

2. A Heat of the Moment Thing by Maggie Le Page

   I have been steadily going through the fiction on my kindle. This was one that I had purchased but didn't know much about. It quickly sucked me in. Becky Jordan is getting ready to start her dream job in London. A few days before she begins, she hits her head on the end of the pool and is rescued by a mysterious swimmer with an unmistakable voice. The day she starts her new job she learns that her swim hero is actually her new boss. After the last dating fiasco at her old job she is determined not to get involved with a co-worker, especially her boss, regardless of how enticing he may be. It's an engaging read that moves along quickly.
   Part way through the book I realized I was waiting for the relationship rift that occurs in most books involving romantic relationships. I guess being a reader as long as I've been, it shouldn't be surprising that I've gotten used to the general rhythm of books. I was a little perturbed at the predictability at first, but then realized that if the book didn't follow my expectations, I would be sorely disappointed at the ending of the book (or show or movie). So, I was glad that this book, like many others, had an ending that I was pleased with. It's a fun summer read.

3. Between Us Girls: Navigating College Life as a Christian Woman by Megan Byrd

   Yes, this is my book. I published it a little over four years ago. I don't think I have read a hard copy of it since I completed the editing process. I find it very weird to read my own work. I was afraid that I would not like it after all of this time has passed (I actually finished writing it in January of 2010, a couple of months before my first child was born). I am considering republishing it and wanted to go through it to see what might need to be changed or updated, wondering if some of my thoughts had changed in six years.
   Overall, I still felt confident in the content and message. I think I would like to add additional personal anecdotes to the various sections and may want to rearrange the chapters a little. There was only one chapter that I think could be organized better. However, I still think it is a book that is honest about college life and can provide helpful advice for Christian women getting ready for or already at college.
   (Shameless plug: I currently have the only available copies of the book and would be happy to mail one to someone you know who could use it. It would cost $10 plus $3 to ship. Comment on this blog post or email me at mybyrdlife at blogspot dot com.)

4. My Own Miraculous: A Short Story by Joshilyn Jackson

   I borrowed it from my library as an audio book. I hadn't read anything by Joshilyn Jackson so thought I'd test it out with this short story. I learned that this is a prequel of sorts to Someone Else's Love Story. I enjoyed the characters in the book so I may check that one out soon. It is about a young woman with a three-year-old. She realizes that he might be a bit unusual when he reads a banner on a wall and is able to solve a Rubik's cube in less than ten minutes but is fearful of what that might mean and tries to deny that he is anything but ordinary. It was an engaging read and I became attached to the characters quickly. It was interesting to get to listen to the author read her own work.

5. Gathering Blue by Lois Lowry

  I read The Giver not too long ago and recently learned that it was book one in a four book series. I read this second book in just a few days. It is about a girl, Kira, who has just lost her mother and is in danger of being removed from the village because she has a lame foot and the village does not tolerate flaws well. She is given a trial in front of the council and they allow her to stay. Her saving grace is her knowledge of weaving and threading. Her mother had worked on a special robe while she was alive and had taught Kira all she knew. She is given room in the council building and given the task of repairing and restoring the robe. She will eventually finish the robe. She learns that things she has been told are not necessarily true and begins to suspect the motives of the council leaders.
  The end of the book doesn't seem like a true finale. I'm wondering if the third and fourth books will carry more of her story. I am also now wondering if the characters in The Giver will come back in play and be part of the other two stories. I am engaged enough (and dissatisfied with how Gathering Blue ended) that I am looking forward to reading the next two in the series (Messenger and Son). I would recommend this series thus far. I cannot yet say whether the ending is satisfying. Gathering Blue seems unfinished to me.

6. Wild & Free: A Hope-Filled Anthem for the Woman Who Feels She is Both Too Much and Never Enough by Jess Connolly and Hayley Morgan

   This book seemed like a book for me. I do struggle like feeling not enough often. Sometimes I also feel like I'm too much for other people as well. I liked the format of the book. Every two chapters were paired together with a common theme and Jess talked about it from the "wild" side and Hayley from the "free" side.
   I liked that the book reminds us that as women in Christ, we are already wild and free, though many of us are not living this way. We are not meant to live tame, contained lives. Or God is not tame, contained or safe and we are supposed to be living like him. The book encouraged me to walk confidently in the identity and purpose I have in Christ. I tend to be more concerned with others' approval and base decisions on what I think others might think. It is stifling and keeps me from doing what I feel God is desiring me to do. God's purposes are not always understood or approved by people and I should choose to serve my amazing and loving God and trust in his ways.

7. Three Wishes by Liane Moriarty

  This book starts with witness accounts of an argument in a restaurant between triplet sisters celebrating their 34th birthdays. It then goes back to the beginning where we learn about this family and about their lives and what brings them to the scene in the restaurant. The three sisters - Cat, Lyn and Gemma - are all quite different. They have all experienced heartbreaks of various kinds that they have not necessarily shared with their sisters.
   I became engaged with each of the sisters (the book switches between their points of view) and desired for them to have happy, successful lives. I was very curious to learn what had actually happened at the restaurant and whether it led to a large rift in their relationships as sisters or they were able to patch things up. Another great book by Liane Moriarty!

8. The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondo

   I had heard bits and pieces about this book, like talking to your possessions and asking if they spark joy. I have gone in and out of phases where I have wanted to pare down my possessions and have a more ordered house. This book seemed like it might be able to help with that process (especially since I am in the cleaning out mode at the moment).
   I enjoyed having a structure for going through categories in your house to do the decluttering and storing. I trust her advice because it is her job. I am looking forward to tackling my house with these new ideas in mind. Will I talk to my clothes? Probably not. But I do have a good guideline for determining whether to keep or toss.
   I am a very sentimental person so I am concerned that this will be my big hang up. She has done an excellent job of addressing my personality type and giving me encouragement and courage to tackle those objects in my house as well. I am currently on vacation and won't be back home again for a few weeks so I hope my enthusiasm and motivation will hold until I return. It seems like a good book for those interesting in living more simply and clutter-free. I cannot yet say whether her advice has worked for me. I'll try to do a follow up post if/when I used what I've learned in the book.

9. Messenger by Lois Lowry

  I was excited for this book to come up on my library queue as I felt the second book of The Giver quartet left things very open. This book picks up about six years after the previous book, Gathering Blue, ends. Matty, a boy who came from the same town as Kira, is living in Village, a place that accepts all of the outcasts from other towns, with Kira's father. In Village, the people care for each other and do not discriminate against people with flaws. Each person receives their true name from Leader that describes their gift and/or their true self. Matty is hoping to be named "Messenger" as he has been charged with taking messages to other towns as he is skilled at navigating Forest and does not fear it.
  Something has changed in Village and people are becoming disgruntled against newcomers. They fear that new people will cause a shortage of food, supplies, etc. A vote is taken and Matty is responsible for taking the message that Village is closing to the other towns. Seer, the man he is staying with, also wants him to bring Kira to Village from her home before it's too late.
   It is a very engaging read that continues the story and also weaves a bit of the first book in as well. I am now equally anxious to get my hands on Son, the final book in the series. I am interested to see how/if things wrap up. So far I am still very much enjoying the books and would recommend them.

10. Learning to Walk in the Dark by Barbara Brown Taylor

  This book is about our fear of the dark in its various forms - physical, spiritual, psychological. Barbara talks about how we have equated darkness with evil and that it is not necessarily accurate. Dark and light are not opposites but complementary. You cannot really have one without the other. God did not create darkness, it was already here. He formed and separated light from the darkness but you wouldn't really know one without the other.
   In the book she explores darkness and her experiences of darkness, sharing the importance of darkness in various aspects of our lives. She invites us to consider why we are afraid of the dark and whether we should continue to avoid it or perhaps, venture into it to see what we might learn or be missing by avoiding it.
  This book contains a lot of information and ideas that I am still processing. It has made me think about my own experiences with darkness. I found it very interesting and thought provoking.

11. The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are by Brene Brown

   This is the third book I've read by Brene Brown. She referenced some of her findings about living a Wholehearted Life in her later books because her research tends to build on itself. I really enjoyed this book. It talked about the three keys of living a wholehearted life - courage, connection and compassion. She defined each of these key qualities and also listed ten guideposts to embrace that help us to live wholeheartedly - authenticity, self-compassion, a resilient spirit, gratitude and joy, intuition and trusting faith, creativity, play and rest, calm and stillness, meaningful work, laughter, song and dance - along with the things that hinder wholehearted living that we need to release - what others think, perfectionism, numbing and powerlessness, scarcity and fear of the dark, the need for certainty, comparison, exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self-worth, anxiety as a lifestyle, self-doubt and "supposed to", being cool and "always in control".
  I really enjoyed this book. I do want to live with more authenticity and this is an encouraging and eye-opening book that shows me what are important components to this type of life. I love that she warns that it's not easy but the vulnerability and work are worth it. I would highly recommend this book to others (especially fellow perfectionists).


What did you read this month? I'd love to hear your reviews and recommendations!

A Letter to My 18-Year-Old Self

Dear Eighteen-Year-Old Me,

Hello there! It's me, your 33-year-old self. It's been nearly sixteen years since you graduated high school and began preparing for college life. I know you are very excited to see what the next chapter of life would hold. I'm sure you are a little nervous venturing out on your own, especially knowing your parents will be 10+ hours away. Of course, you have been somewhat prepared for this having spent the majority of your summers away from your parents visiting relatives. It's just one more new adventure!

I know that you are not sure what you should study but have signed up for the engineering track at the suggestion of your parents. You will end up taking many more math and science classes than you end up needing for graduation when you finally find majors that best suit your wiring, but there will be a big upside to having taken engineering classes (specifically Statistics for Engineers). You don't know it yet, but that class will profoundly and positively impact your life.

If I could truly go back and offer you some advice before you begin your time at N.C. State (which you love, by the way), here is a part of what I would want to say.

Just because someone shows interest in dating you, it doesn't mean that's a relationship you need to pursue. I know you've only really dated one person thus far but not all relationships will be as positive and healthy as that one was. You need to work on deepening your relationship with Jesus and seeking him. God loves you dearly. He has a purpose for you that he will fulfill. Whether or not you end up with a spouse, God's plans will be better than anything you can imagine. If you have the desire for a husband, give it to him in prayer and trust him to provide in his timing. God is faithful and trustworthy.

Marriage is supposed to be a reflection of Christ and his church. Any dating relationship you have should be characterized by respect, love, grace and selflessness (from both of you). Here are a few questions you may want to ask yourself when considering a dating relationship. Does he love God? Does he attend church? Pray and read his Bible regularly? Is he involved in a Christian group, Bible study or other activity to deepen his relationship with Christ? (Experience will tell you that behavior is the best indicator of what someone believes.) Does he treat you with respect? Does he listen to and value your opinion? Does he try to push physical boundaries? Does he desire to see you grow and succeed? Will he encourage you in your relationship with Christ?

It is very important for you to answer the questions asked above about yourself. You are young in your faith and have a lot of growing to do. If you seek to grow closer to God and join activities that will encourage you in this way, you will flourish. Ask God to help you find these things. He will provide some amazing friends, connections and experiences.

I know that I cannot go back and change what you will experience, but I hope that what you learn can help other young women as they prepare for their own college career. To that extent, I wrote a book for college-age women (info below). I hope that they will learn from your experiences and avoid some of your mistakes. I have some sorrow and regret over choices made during college but, praise God, he has brought good from it!

Don't worry, you will have a fabulous time and meet some great people that you will still keep up with when you're my age (mostly thanks to the invention of Facebook that is not yet an idea in Mark Z's head). Your mistakes will not be fatal. You will learn, grow and change. You will become much more confident and self-assured as you age. You will also acquire a lot more responsibility so enjoy your relatively tether-free time in college!

Love,
Thirty-three-year-old Me

Between Us Girls: Navigating College Life as a Christian Woman

Will you head off to college soon? Or perhaps you've already started at a university and found the going a little rough? Have you prepared yourself for all that you may experience, both on-campus and off? Do you know how to strengthen your faith and locate resources to help draw you closer to God? Between Us Girls: Navigating College Life as a Christian Woman can help you prepare for campus life. In this book, you'll learn about... 

• Strengthening your relationship with God
• The importance of finding a Christian group on campus 
• The different types of guys you will encounter 
• What to do if you mess up 
• Potential stumbling blocks to your faith and your relationships 
• Straight talk about sex 

Through reading candid, real-life stories and advice from Christian women about their time at college, you'll discover that you're not the only one facing challenges and struggles on campus. Even more importantly, you'll learn about great opportunities for redemption, success, and a rich adventure with God.


If you are interested in obtaining a copy of Between Us Girls: Navigating College Life as a Christian Woman, please email me at  mybyrdlife at gmail.com. Copies are $10 each. Shipping is $3 (free if you're local and we can meet in person). Thanks!

Valentine's Day Memories

Valentine's Day is nearly upon us. I like excuses for lavishing love and kindness on others. I'm not necessarily good at spontaneous love lavishing so it helps to have an occasion. In honor of this special day, I thought it'd be fun to share some of my past Valentine's Day experiences. Here are four that were all very different. In order to be as accurate as possible, I consulted my journals (which date back to 1991). Enjoy!


Valentine's Day 2001

My roomie and my friend, who are now married

I was a freshman in college and had very recently broken up with my first college boyfriend. I had met him through another friend at college (they were roommates) and my roommate and I hung out with them all the time. We still hung out some (albeit a little awkwardly) after the break up and the guys decided that they would take us ladies out to dinner and our school's home basketball game on Valentine's Day. They told us to dress up so we did. They showed up in coats and ties and brought us roses and chocolate. We went to Waffle House (my first time at that establishment) for dinner and then headed to the game. We had court-side seats for the game. My friend sat between the guys and I sat on the far side of my non-ex guy friend. We were having a pretty good time watching our beloved Wolfpack play. Then the Kiss Cam started making rounds. It stopped on my roommate and my ex. Awkward. The cameraman eventually moved on. Our team won big.

Valentine's Day 2002

A valentine rose

My sophomore year of college I was dating my second college boyfriend (of three, if you're curious). We had been dating for almost a year. He had a plan for us but didn't have a driver's license so on Valentine's Day I was being fed directions to parts unknown. We ended up at a gem mining place. He bought us a bag of dirt and we sluiced in search of emeralds (my birthstone) and topaz. I enjoyed the creativity and novelty of the date but it did not hit my radar for romantic or sentimental (I'm a big words person and a card with a hand-written note goes a looooooooong way with me. But, according to my journal, he gave me a letter he had forgotten the day before.). In hindsight, I was struggling with feelings that we were not right for each other and was hoping the holiday would give me evidence to the contrary (which it didn't).

Here's some additional interesting information from around this event.

I had begun a friendship with a guy in my Statistics for Engineers class. A few days before Valentine's Day he asked me what I was doing for the holiday (in my naivety I didn't realize that it was a feeler to see if a date might be possible). I said that I was probably doing something with my boyfriend (the first mention of him to my friend). That was the end of that...or was it?

Valentine's Day 2003

Yes, that's us

[Disclaimer: This is my very favorite Valentine's Day experience so sorry if it's long and rambling.]

I had been dating my boyfriend for six months (four of which I was studying abroad in Spain). I liked him very much and was dying to express such feelings to him but wanted to wait until he said he loved me first. [Early in our relationship he had told me that he was only going to say "I love you" to the person he was planning to marry. I told him to take his time. Also, while I was studying abroad I experienced that pivotal moment when I knew (with no actual evidence) that he was "the One" and I would marry him. (Please tell me I'm not the only one who has had this epiphany where you "just know".)] According to my journal, I was struggling with this decision not to say anything a few days before V Day and told Adam who told me to "wait and trust him".

So Valentine's Day was day was here and I had gotten him a Foxtrot comic strip book and could not figure out how to sign off on my card. I ended up writing "XOXO" (I believe) instead of "Love". Anyway, he came over to my apartment in the morning to pick me up for class and brought me six red roses, each with a little heart on them sharing one of his memories of our first six months of dating. There was also a card inviting me to a home-cooked dinner at his apartment that evening. I was quite excited!

Yes, I still have them all in a scrabook

In the evening I headed over to his apartment with my gift for him. He had prepared a London broil, baked potatoes and broccoli casserole, all delicious. (He had cooked for me previously so I had an inkling of his culinary talents.) During dinner he told me that he had purchased us tickets to see Phantom of the Opera (I had seen it in Spain - in Spanish, of course - and was interested in seeing it in English as well). We watched America's Sweethearts and ate some fruit with chocolate dipping sauce for dessert (mmm, chocolate-dipped strawberries!).

After the movie, I shared that I was struggling with not sharing my feelings with him and felt I was being selfish (since I knew the ramifications for him). He said that he had been deciding on a way to share his feelings with me. He then pulled out a paper and started reading me a list of things he liked about me. Part way in he (accidentally?) replaced "like" with "love" and my mind started freaking out. He continued his list but I had tuned out (this is a recurring theme in big moments with him, see also: marriage proposal) and was focused on my inner monologue. Oh my goodness!  He just said "love", not "like"! Does this mean he loves me?! Is he going to say it?! Oh man...! (Not direct quotes, obviously.) He finished his list and then told me he loved me. I hugged him and whispered it back because I had been tearing up during his list and was too emotional to speak properly.

Still makes me smile.

Valentine's Day 2007

This was our first Valentine's Day as a married couple. Not particularly gushy but still huge. We spent several hours in a conference room with some lawyers and another couple signing legal documents until our hands wanted to fall off. That's right, we bought our FIRST HOUSE on Valentine's Day! It wasn't really planned that way. I don't have a journal entry from this monumental occasion so I'll speculate that we spent some time freaking out at the huge life decision we had just made. We probably went out to dinner still with the "deer in headlights" look.

In front of our first house

I would love to hear about a memorable Valentine's Day of yours. Awkward, romantic, silly, sweet, cringe-worthy, whatever. Share your stories!

Dear Daughter: Learn From My Mistakes

Dear Daughter,

I love you so much! I know that you are only five years old as I write this but there are some things I want to remember to share with you as you get older so I thought I'd write them down now while I'm thinking about them. I pray that you choose Jesus while you are still young. I pray that you know how much God loves you and that he is trustworthy and has wonderful plans for your life. I pray that you will choose to love and honor Him with your life. I asked Jesus to be my Savior when I was 17, but I did not understand what it meant to follow him then and didn't really begin that process purposefully until I was nearly 20.

I wish I had been more secure in my knowledge of who I was in Christ and more confident in God's plans and provision for me. I struggled for several years with feeling shame at my failure and imperfection before learning that the shame and fear I felt were from Satan. God is love and perfect love casts out fear. There is no condemnation for those who belong to Jesus. I didn't fully comprehend that my first couple of years of college and believed the enemy's lies about myself. I pray that you do not also believe the enemy's lies and so I want to share some of my experiences with the hope that you might not travel some of the same roads I did.

I made a public profession of faith in Jesus and was baptized the spring of my junior year of high school. I had a friend tell me he already thought I was a Christian. I was actually really good at following the rules and acting somewhat like someone who was a Christian. I hated getting in trouble and was fine with playing the role of a "goody two shoes". It was not the outward manifestation of a heart who loved Jesus. So when I was baptized, I continued in my rule following because I didn't know that there was more to being a Christian. Perhaps someone had talked to me about how much Jesus loved me and encouraged me to deepen the relationship through prayer and reading the Bible but I don't remember. Sometimes I wonder whether I would have been more firm in standing up for what I thought if I had gotten that aspect of the relationship with Jesus while in high school.

Nothing major happened between 17 and 20 but I had some stumbles I was afraid to share for a long time because I thought it made me a bad Christian and I would be judged poorly by other Christians (and considered a hypocrite by those who didn't believe in Jesus). I allowed the physical boundaries I had set up for myself to be breached because I feared that if I stood firm I would be rejected (and I am a recovering people pleaser). At the time I did not trust that God had plans regarding my relationships and would provide me with a man who loved God and loved me enough to respect my boundaries. I sought man's approval over God's. I admit that I blamed others for taking advantage of my naivety and trust and for manipulating my emotions. I am learning to see that they are human, too, and were seeking love and acceptance like the rest of us. I understand now that they were trying to obtain that love and acceptance in the ways the world told them were right or normal. I'm not saying that there is not responsibility on all sides, I'm just saying that I don't think they were trying to purposefully hurt or take advantage of me. 

I share this with you to say that God is trustworthy and faithful. He knows what you need when you need it and will provide you with it at just the right time. This includes a loving, respectful relationship. It is important to remember that God's timing is not your timing. I know several people who dearly love Jesus and had to wait longer than they wanted to meet and marry their spouse. It is possible that you may meet your spouse in high school and college so I'm not going to say that dating during these times is fruitless but I don't think finding a spouse should be your main objective. I think you should focus on loving and serving God with your life. If you are pursuing his purposes, he will provide whatever is needed, including relationships. I believe that God will provide you with a spouse who respects you and your boundaries, one who does not put any pressure on you to prove your love for them. I believe someone who truly loves God and is pursuing Him themselves will be more concerned with increasing your intimacy with God than increasing your level of physical intimacy with one another.

Right about the time I started to understand more about what having an authentic relationship with Jesus meant, I met your father. In one of our first interactions I attempted to share my faith with him. It turned out he already knew Jesus, but it was a good start to a potential friendship. God's timing was perfect. I was seeking to know God more and was quite excited about what I was learning. As such it was a subject I brought up often and wanted to discuss with others. In our first few months of getting to know each other I was praying a lot more and seeking God's guidance. We were friends for about eight months (part of that time I was dating someone else, the rest was spent trying not to begin a dating relationship with your father before I studied abroad for a semester). Our first four months of "dating" were spent on pay phones using international calling cards and long emails filled with questions about one another. As hard as it sounds not having any physical contact for months, it was such a blessing. I feel like we were really able to spend that time focusing on our individual relationships with God and encouraging one another in our faiths. It helped secure our relationship to God, I think. Our dating relationship wasn't perfect (obviously since there was a break-up along the way - another story for another day) but I know God was in it with us and helped us become people who encouraged, supported, loved and were committed to one another. That's what I want for you - a spouse who loves you and God, supports you, encourages you in your endeavors and faith and is committed to you and your relationship together.

My precious girl, you are worth the wait. You are worth a commitment of love and faithfulness. You are worthy of a spouse who loves you and respects you and encourages you to become the woman God created you to be. You are lovable just as you are and there is nothing you must do to earn or be worthy of another's love. Jesus loved us before we loved and knew him. He found us worthy of love and sacrifice simply because we are God's creation. If Christ's love has no demands, then neither should man's. Love is something that is to be freely given without expectation or demand for reciprocation. Remember that God loves you no matter what and that your father and I will also always love you. You cannot lose God's love nor ours. It is yours regardless of your words, thoughts or actions. We love you and desire God's best for you and your life. We are proud of you and we pray that you will grow into the woman you were created to be, a woman who loves and serves God and others.

Love, Mom