On Becoming Poor in Spirit

I have been terrible at regular posts. I'd like to blame the busyness of the Christmas season but I must also admit a bit of a lack of inspiration. Anyway, after yesterday's church service I felt a desire to write a letter to God as a response. I thought I'd share my heart with you today.

01-05-14

Dear God,

Thank you for reminding me this morning that I need to be humble before you and trust you to provide for my needs. I admit that I have gotten into the habit of pretending I am the expert on what I need and also pretending that I must also figure out how to meet my needs myself. I struggle a lot with independence (or rather willingly depending on others). Please forgive my pridefulness. I was not created to live life on my own or in my own strength. I know that my current desire for a deep friendship with another woman - a best friend if you will - is known by you. You know my needs and wants before I can verbalize them. I need to trust you to handle it. This is me admitting my dependence on you to meet my needs. Lord, give me what I need. I trust your wisdom and timing. Show me my next step - here I go wanting to do something. Help me to lay down a doing mentality and simply rest at your feet, accepting your gifts as you give them.

                                                                                                        Love,
                                                                                                       Megan

One Struggle of a SAHM

Yesterday as I was scrolling through my Facebook feed I came upon a blog post from a stay-at-home mom. She was talking about how blessed she is to have someone come to her house and do a few hours of housework or babysitting every once in a while so that she can get out or clean or whatever. She mentioned the Titus 2 paragraph about relationships between older and younger women. As I was reading, I found myself whispering Yes!

Constant supervision is a must with a 1 year old!

I, too, am a stay-at-home mom. I, too, love my children and feel blessed to be able to spend the majority of my time with them. But, oh, how I would love a breather every once in a while. It would be so nice to be able to go to the grocery store alone during the day. Or head out to the post office. Or even just clean my house knowing that the kids are supervised. Yes, I have a husband who is willing to watch the kids while I run out in the evenings or on the weekends but he works all day too. He needs rest just as much as I do. And we both want to spend time together as a couple and together as a family. I usually feel rushed when I'm out and about if I know Adam is at home with the kids. I don't want to burden him longer than necessary.

It seems like it is becoming more and more common for families to live long distance from one another. That's our current experience which means that we get a break mostly when we hire a babysitter. Our families offers to watch the kids when we are all together either at our house or theirs but we see them so rarely I feel bad leaving them to go do something on my own.

For a long time I have felt that I shouldn't ask for help. This was my parents' situation when I was growing up - living far away from family and doing it all on their own (though maybe they did get breaks from kind, supportive people and I was too young to remember). Part of it is pride. I feel like I'm not "doing my job" if I'm not primary caregiver 24/7. But no one works all day every day without getting run down or slipping in their quality of job performance (note to self).

Now my mindset has shifted. I know that it is good for everyone if I accept offers of assistance. I am becoming more okay with receiving gifts of service with the knowledge that it is not a debt to be repaid but a blessing to accept with thanksgiving.


Any stay-at-home moms who would also like to be blessed like this? Anyone who has been blessed and would like to share? Anyone blessing a mom in this way? I'd love to hear about it!

A Lesson in Humility: Part Two

Last week I shared a bit of my struggle with humility thanks to the awesome study Seeking Him I'm doing with some ladies at church. This Sunday we had a guest speaker, Damian Boyd from Vertical Church in Atlanta. I had switched nursery duty with someone and was bummed to be missing him speak as I had heard wonderful things the last time he spoke at our church (which I somehow also missed). After service my husband told me that after last week's post about raising hands in worship I needed to listen to the podcast of his message. Last night I had a little down time so I pulled up the message on my phone and got comfortable on the couch.

Oh man! If you think you know God or love God or are doing it right as a Christian you need to listen to his message. Actually, if you are a person you should listen to his message. It was powerful. It was convicting. It made me sad that I missed it live but thankful for the wonders of the technology age. I will share a little bit of what struck me personally.

He talked about how stoic a lot of us tend to be at church. Some of us are afraid to sing for fear others will hear our less-than-melodic voices. I was there once (and sometimes still am). Some of us are not very demonstrative and keep our hands by our sides or in our pockets. I am there most of the time. Damian sliced right to the heart and asked if that's how we act while attending or watching sporting events (appropriate as it's football season). Ouch! I have been known to yell and cheer and clap for a sports team and yet I don't do that with the same free abandon when worshipping God. How is a team of people - broken, imperfect people I don't even know - worthy of devotion and honor and praise much more than a holy, perfect God who knows me intimately, draws me close to him, guides me and blesses me? Something is messed up here and it's me. If this is how I act am I saying that I don't believe God is worthy of all these things? Or do I not think that he is present in a group of believers? Am I treating church like a religious obligation instead of an opportunity to spend precious time with my Savior and show my adoration for him?

In light of this revelation my little "breakthrough" of moving my arms away from my sides seems like an offering of worthless junk. I can see now that I actually took pride in my "accomplishment". And yet it pales in comparison to what God deserves. Oh, that he loves us anyway! It is blowing my mind at how gracious and compassionate and loving God is. I am thankful that he loves us so much that he blesses us in our small steps toward becoming who we were created to be and fulfilling our purpose. The gap between where I am and where I should be is a chasm that I am beginning to see more and more clearly. However, God has given me hope and experiential evidence that he will help me cross it. I am so thankful for the sins he is revealing in my heart and the truth he is planting. I feel that I am in the midst of a great humbling experience with God and look forward to the blessings it will bring along the way.

There was so much more to this message that cut me to the quick. Perhaps I'll expound some more in a future post. For now I encourage anyone reading this to go listen to it. If you missed the link up top, here it is again: When God Is In Our Midst by Damian Boyd.


Do you worship God as extravagantly as you do when supporting another person in an event? Do you struggle with pride and humility in some way? Have you personally experienced God's grace?

A Lesson in Humility

The past two Sundays I have received encouragement from God during church (written about previously here and here). As I prepared for church this past Sunday I looked forward to what God would reveal to me that morning. I do realize that I should probably approach every day looking for God to speak truth to me - I'm a work in progress. It seems that am beginning a season where I feel more open to God and am trying to have a heart that is tender toward him.

Two weeks ago I started attending the women's Bible study on Wednesday mornings. We are doing a study called Seeking Him by Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Tim Grissom. The first week was an introduction to what revival means. The fifth day of the personal study gave an assessment to show us areas in our lives where we could use God to work. It was quite revealing. One of the first areas where I was convicted was in humility.

I don't really consider myself a boastful person. I am an introvert so I don't tend to take over conversations or talk about everything I have done and am doing. However I don't necessarily rejoice with those who are receiving accolades and success and sometimes I ruminate when my contributions are not acknowledged. So, naturally, week two of the study is all about humility.

I am actually glad that this topic is dealt with more in depth. It has allowed me to see ways that pride (the opposite of humility) is manifested in my life. My pride tends to deal with my self-image and what I allow others to see (or how I want others to see me). I am guilty of trying to do as much as possible on my own so that I can be the one who "does it all". I'm not good at asking for help or depending on others. I struggle with being open about my mistakes because I fear others will judge me harshly. I tend to compare various aspects of myself with others.

What ought I to be doing instead? Being open to others and asking for help when needed. Admitting my mistakes, seeking forgiveness and reconciliation when I wrong others or others wrong me and finding my worth in Christ. I was not created to be another Christy or Tracy or Amanda. I was created for a unique purpose. And I wasn't made to be perfect or faultless. If I was, I'd have no need for grace or Jesus.

Now back to Sunday morning. I am not a very demonstrative person. For the last couple of weeks I have been thinking that I should lift my hands some when singing praise songs to God in church. Not because others are but because I want to show my love for and devotion to God. It has been an internal struggle because part of me feels foolish and thinks it might draw attention (the introvert in me). However, I realized on Sunday while singing that it was part pride as well. I was concerned with what others would think. Was I at church to please other people? No. Was I singing for the benefit of other people? No. (By the by, it has taken me quite a few years to feel comfortable singing out loud with other people. I'm still not completely there but it doesn't really hinder me like it used to. Not that this means I'll do any kind of solo singing for anyone other than my kids either.) So I spent a good part of the music time debating whether or not to raise my arms. It carried into the message time. I affirmed to myself, "If there's music at the end of the service (there nearly always is) I'll raise my hands then."

We finished the time of communion after the message and the band began to play. "Okay," I said to myself, "the moment of truth." And then we sang this part of Hillsong United's "The Stand":

I'll stand

With arms high and heart abandoned

In awe of the one who gave it all

I'll stand

My soul Lord to you surrendered

All I am is yours

I laughed to myself at the absurdity of my conundrum. God is so good and faithful! I raised my arms to about chest level with palms up. That may not seem like much but it's a huge step for me. I know God will continue to meet me where I am and lead me to where he wants me to go. My job is to continue to acknowledge his promptings, confess any sin that is revealed, repent, and take steps forward.


How is God working in your life right now? Do you also struggle with humility? Trust God and take that first step toward where he is calling you!